IF THOU HAST NOT THE FUNK, THOU HAST NOTHING!!

I guess it's time for less weird poetry and more of a recap, but I can't guarantee it will be as entertaining.

Work

Work has been good to me thus far. I have the perfect name for Printer Fixer...But since he is leaving after tomorrow you won't see the name again most likely. His name...

Chotcho-matic

Damn, and that was a good one too...But I do have a small story about Chotcho-matic before I mention him no more.

He has amusing days, mostly because he gets a slew of phone calls. Fixing printers in the building makes this fact, by itself, normal, but he doesn't get calls from the office. He gets calls from crazy people.

He constantly has fights with his Girl Friend on the phone, and they are kind funny to hear one sided. She sounds like a complete basket case. I hear she is from Kelowna, so that explains a little bit. Any woman who has spent most, if not all her life in Kelowna, or the Okanagan Valley is subject to what I like to call "Valley Madness!" More on THAT later.

He will blatantly tell this woman not to call so gad damn much for reasons that are for a lack of a better term, reasonable, you know, cause he's at work and all doing work stuff. But she keeps on calling and calling.

Now Chotch-o-Matic got his name because he's a clean cut butchy country kid. And as such he has a cell phone, that when it rings it plays an MP3 of some twangy country anthem of inbreeding.

Cuntry music as it were....

So most of the time he's out doing Chotchy Printer Fixing or tossing hey over his shoulder or what not, and his work phone will ring. Then his cell phone rings. Rinse and Repeat for about 6 times.

He comes back looks at his messages, curses the gods, and phones them back. He then has a fight, gets pissed off, and vocalises questions about hiding bodies and not going to prison. His sister does the same thing, calls him I mean, for stupid shit.

He was ready to burst yesterday. He was going to burst into a Kentucky Fried Chotch Rodeo Explosion, but stopped just short. His sister during a busy day called and bugged him about 14 times while he was away, complaining that Chotch-o-matics girl didn't do her hair correctly.

Man I would be pissed too if I got calls like that at work....Damn...

I wonder who will replace him......We can never tell......At least, not yet.

Play & Other Topics

Been Hanging out with Runswithscissors a lot for that past couple of weeks, and if you knew her like I do, you would too. She has been spending the last few weeks making things to sell at festivals and fairs and what not. Things like cloths and little fae tutu's for kids and what not, and I've been her little slave for the past little bit.

(Not in that way you degenerate pigs! Information of that nature is bought, not given)

She is feeling a lot better though, and that is a good thing because about 6 weeks ago she was pretty ill. The doctors thought she might have something she most DEFINITELY didn't want to have, Multiple Sclerosis.

Not sure how you spell that but either way, at her age it's pretty shitty news.

The doctors think now though, that it could very well be stress, cause she has had lots and lots of that.......And since time has gone by, and she has gotten better, we are thinking that is exactly what was wrong. Stress kills after all.

She is happy a lot now....And when she's happy, she radiates it like a beacon and becomes the physical embodiment of Joy itself, and you can't help but feel that when your around her.....

'shakes head'

sorry...Where was I?

Oh yes! So it's a good thing. ;)

Ok so sorry I bored you, but that's the way things are going for now.

I'm off to do some work, cause being at work, I should do some.


Peace Ouside!

Oh yes sorry.....

Valley Madness!

It is a well known fact that women who have spent too much time in the Okanagan Valley, suffer from Valley Madness. It is a mental defect or type of deranged insanity. In fact a victim of Valley Madness soon loses her humanity and becomes a symbiot called"A Void"

A parasite that will leach onto a male and suck the souls energy down the the bare minimum. He will never be free again until the parasite is dispatched. Valley Madness is not limited to the Valley however. We all have that friend, who has that girlfriend(or boyfriend for that matter) that controls him, and you hardly ever see him. I'm not just talking about the 'I have a girl now so I'm hanging with her a lot' phase but I mean you NEVER see him. He isn't allowed to do anything with anyone but his woman. This is a sign his Girls Valley Madness has turned her into a Void.

Symptoms of someone with Valley Madness

A complete lack of being able to cope with the world around her causing her to view her issues as part of her being, not something to be dealt with.

This leads to the second stage where she tries to force those around her to accept and live according to her issues as well. Logic has almost no vacancy at this stage.

They usually go on the hunt for an unsuspecting mate whom she can latch onto and subdue. Once she can convince this mate to see things the way she does, she moves in and taps the soul energy feeding her condition.

It is at this stage where she becomes a Void and is no longer human. A well that sucks in all positive energy leaving only a negative feeling in it's place.

It may sound like I'm picking on women more than men, but there are a dangerous amount of male Voids as well.

Stand up brothers and sisters and fight!

Ways that could stop the Valley madness and eventual void are as follows.

Learn to help your mate deal with her/His issues. If He/She can't, leave, it's better than the alternative.
Make him or her see that a relationship isn't about co-dependence, it's about friendship of the most sacred kind. And if issues act up, deal with them right away.

That is all the advice to be given on this subject at this time.


NOW Peace Ouside Fo Real

"And Now I Lay Me Down TO Bed, Robot Sheep Dance In My Head, I Can See By Infrared, How I Hate The Night,.."

"And though they tell you I was lost
And the word reports my death has come
The fates have left me breathing still
Very much alive..."


Hey kids. It's poetry time again, but not mine. Perhaps in time I'll be brave enough to post some of my work on here. But for now, here is a poem by Mr. H. P. Lovecraft.
I love this poem. It gives you such nifty pictures in you head. At least it does me. I'll just get on with it shall I?

Right.



Nathicana

It was in the pale garden of Zais
THe mist shrouded gardens of Zais
Where blossoms the white nephalote
The redolant herald of midnight
There slumber the still lakes of crystal
And streamlets that flow with out murm'ring
Smooth streamlets from caverns of Kathos
Where broodth the calm spirits of twilight
And over the lakes and the streamlets
Are bridges of pure alabaster
White bridges all cunningly carven
With figures of fairies and daemons
Here glimmer strange suns and strange planets
And strange is the crescent Banapis
The sets 'yond the ivy grown ramparts
Where thicken the dusk of the evening
Here fall the white vapours of Yabon
The thought blotting vapours of Yabon
And here in the swirl of the vapours
I saw the devine Nathicana
The slender black hair'd Nathicana
THe sloe eyed red lipped Nathicana
THe silver voiced sweet Nathicana
The pale rob'd belov'd Nathicana
And ever was she my beloved
From ages where time was unfashioned
From days when the stars were not fashioned
Not anything fashioned but Yabon
And here dwelt we ever and ever..

The innocent children of Zais
At peace in the paths and the arbours
White crown'd with the blest nephalote
How oft we would float in the twilight
O'er Flow'r Cover'd pastures and hillsides
All white with the lovely astalthon
The lowly yet lovely astalthon
And dream in a world made of dreaming
THe dreams that are fairer than Aidenn
Bright dreams that are truer than reason!
So dreamed and so Lov'd thro we thro ages
Till came the cursed season of Dzannin
THe daemon Damn'd season of Dzannin
When red shone the suns and the planets
And red greamed the crescent Banapis
And red fell the vapours of Yabon
Then reddened the blossoms and streamlets
And lakes that lay under the bridges
And even the calm alabaster
Glowed pink the uncanny reflections
Till all the carv'd fairies and daemons
Leer'd redly from backgrounds of shadow
Now reddened my vision and madly
I strove to peer thro the dense curtain
And glimpsed the devine Nathicana
THe pure ever pale Nathicana
The lov'd the unchange'd Nathicana
But vortex on vortex of madness
Beclouded my labouring vision
My damnable reddening vision
That built a new world for my seeing
A new world of redness and darkness
A horrible coma called living
So now in this coma call'd living
I view the bright phantoms of beauty
THe false, hollow phantoms of beauty
That cloak all the evils of Dzannin
I view them with infinite longing
So like do they seem to my lov'd one
Yet foul from their eyes shines their evil
Their cruel and pitiless evil
More evil than Thaphron or Latgoz
Twice ill for it's gorgeous concealment..

And only in slumbers of midnight
Appears the lost maid Nathicana
THe pallid and pure Nathicana
Who fades at the glance of the dreamer
Again and Again do I seek her
I woo with deep draughts of Pathotis
Deep draughts brew'd with wine of Astarte
And strengthen'd with tears of long weeping
I yearn for the gardens of Zais
THe lovely lost gardens of Zais
Where blossoms the white nephalote
The redolent herald of midnight
THe last potent draught I am brewing
A draught that the daemons delight in
A draught that will banish the redness
The horrible coma call'd living
Soon, soon if I fail not in brewing
THe redness and madness will vanish
And deep in the worm-peopl'd darkness
Will rot the base chains that have bound me
Once more shall the gardens of Zais
Dawn white on my long tortur'd vision
And there midst the vapours of Yabon
Will stand the devine Nathicana
THe deathless restor'd Nathicana
Whos like is not met with the living..


This man paints wondeful pictures I say again, feel free to comment and tell me what you think. But for now I must go...


" And though my mind is cut by battles
Fought so long ago
I return victorious
I am comming home...."

"Bah Bah Ack Sheep, Have You Any Bling?!" "Yes Sir Yes Sir CHA CHA CHING!!!"

Two weeks I've been at work now, and I know almost everything there is to know about the job. The stuff I don't know is common sense to learn, and I have that believe it or not.

Nothing really exciting happening though, even though I always say this and then all of a sudden remember that there was one or two things a bit exciting...uh oh............There it goes......

It was Runs With Scissors parents 25th anniversary yesterday, and I was invited along to a pub with her and her parents. Her grandparents were there, so I got to meet them. RWS dad was half in the bag, and amusing as hell, and he as well as the rest of the family wanted to watch me play darts, which in short means "We know you're a visual gimp, so we're going to point and laugh while we watch you attempt to throw sharp things"

Bless em the crazy scamps.

It's nice to know you're liked by people with a twisted sense of humor, and I didn't do too badly either considering I was playing with drunk people.

on another note, I have decided that drivers for Apple courier are one wave short of a ship wreck. A conversation I had this very morning.....


I am sitting at my computer, and I hear the driver come in through the pick up door. I noticed he is picking up a box I prepared to ship, so I continue on with the fuck all I was working on at the time.

Then I hear it.

"Ow!"

I turn around...

"man....That's not the clicky end of the pen hehehehehehehehehe...." He said.

"I guess not" I reply and go over to collect the waybill.

"Maaan, have you ever done that with a fountain pen?" he asks.

"I can't say that I have" I replied

"Man one time I stabbed myself with one of those, and the ink went in like something out of a needle man, I had a blue spot on my hand for like 2 months after"

"That can't be good for your health" I said to him

He giggles his mad hippy giggle and says'

"those things are just like those roller ball pens, man I had one of those things in my pocket one day, and it leaked and by the end of the day my leg was all fuck...." His radio went off and he straightened up. He talked some mad jargon to another on the other end of the radio, who talked some mad jargon back. Then he continued.

" Anyway at the end of the day my leg was just all fucken blue man!"

He giggled his Dr. Hook giggle and took his box and left.

I know the story isn't that amusing but, it made my morning.

the people I work with aren't a bad bunch at all.

There is the Mail Lady, who taught me pretty much everything I know, and she is pleasant to be around.

There is Printer Fixer who sits beside me, he is a big help too. He has a girlfriend that called him here ALL THE TIME. I don't know what she does, but it can't be more than getting on Printer Fixers nerves.
More stories about him and the half conversations I hear with his G/F later.

And then there is UCOG, standing for Ultimate Canadian Old Guy.

He's a very very nice man who works with Mail Lady in the afternoons. He is short and skinny with eyes that bulge a bit, and his voice is a bit high pitched. He says "eh" at the end of almost everything he says.

If you have seen the movie FARGO, he talks exactly like the guys in that film. He's amusing. Kinda reminds me of Gomer Pile a bit....

Oh another note.

RIMMY! ANSWER YOUR DAMN MESSENGER ONCE IN A WHILE YOU GIT!!

I know you're there since you got time to change your clever tag line, but NOT talk to me!

That's enough for me for now......

SPARKLES IS MUCH BETTER THAN PISS!!!!!

"SON!...Be a Colonist!!"....Is what Dad said to me..."It's a cooshy life and you get alien real estate for free!"

So....The new job.....Let me tell YOU GUYS SOMTIN MON!!!

Its pretty kick ass, in fact I'm on my lunch hour right now as I blog this.

Yes I said Lunch Hour, not half hour. Since I've done this job before a while ago, I picked it up pretty quick. I probably know about 80% of what there is to know over my first 2 days, and that ain't too shabby.

There is a whole lot of nothing to do most of the time, but there are times man, where there is tons and tons to do. And time goes by pretty fast so that's a good thing as well.

My co-workers are cool and helpful and not the least bit annoying!

So far I haven't got any good stories to tell, but I have a big feeling there will be.

Oh wait, there is a story...But its short.

We take our order from drivers for Purilator and those types of peoples...And man...Some of them are a bit topsey turvey.

I was accepting an order this morning from a guy who looked like a hippy and when I greeted him the first thing he mentions is his radio.

"I finally have a volume on this thing, cause it was so fucking annoying before that I turned it off most of the time" Insert mad giggling and odd gesturing before he slid back out the door and said thank you.....

I have a feeling that this is going to be amusing. The man looked like, what the guys in Dr. Hook and the Medicine show SOUND like......That is the only way I can describe him.

Well more to follow as I work here.

I think the coolest thing about having this job, is that I feel like a useful member of society, not that I wasn't before, it's just I'm actually doing something instead of collecting a cheque every month.

You would be amazed what that does for a persons confidence. I wasn't turned down for the interview, I was well liked.

I've been turned down from a lot of places, including McDonalds and 7-11.

So in my mind I have passed a test, even though in reality, I know I'm a good competent person anyhow.

I must get back to......"IT"...


Laters......

Weak and Weary

I just rolled out of bed and onto my computer, I'm not sure why I'm doing this but, it has to be done.

Dreams.

You know how some days when you wake up, possibly several times in a morning, dreams just stick with you, and from then on in the day is covered in a sort of film resembling the dreams mood or atmosphere.

Sometimes this is a good thing, but today...It is not.

Dreams of horror and stress, amongst other negative emotions.

You don't even know how much I hate it when that happens. The only positive part of the whole experience is that it gets me right out of bed and writing. Everything has a good side to it I suppose, I have always believed that anyhow. Only one person I know understands this concept, but I am probably wrong.

If you have had a similar experience then tell me if you can relate.

Fortunately though, someone phoned me and sot of punched a hole in the murky film, and I can't even tell you how much I love it when that happens. Lets see if it helps.

I know this is weird, but I would just like to thank every one that likes me, for liking me, cause you really don't have to. On an arrogant note, I guess it isn't hard to like me, because I'm sweeter than Malibu Barbies meth shack and 10 times more motivating........Did I mention I just rolled out of bed having weird dreams.....I need to get wet and clean...

do do do dooo do....Ain't nobody dope as me............