The DFH organization

Ok now something set me off the other day. It was one of those things, you know, the things that really don't make a hell of a difference but piss you off just the same. I've decided there should be an organization for people that waste their worth as a person.

Its called the DFH organization. Decompose For Humanity.

These people should stop making this planet a harder place to live and give what nutrients they have back to the earth. Clean it a little.

Now I know there are going to be some people that will be offended by this.
To them I say that this is my opinion. If you don't like it, don't read it.

If your still compelled to be offended after reading the disclaimer you should do the following.

Go away from the computer, have a piece of fruit or a snack, have a sit down, and a nice steaming hot cup of Shut The Fuck Up.

People that need to Join the DFH.

1. Anyone That Works for the Tobacco Companies.

-- I went off on smokers in one of my recent posts, but those worse than them are the legal pushers themselves. People that knowingly addict people to something for a profit should just surrender their breathing rights and give us some good compost for the weeds I piss on.

2. Drunk Drivers.

--I think I went off on these guys too already but who gives a wank.
These fuckers are a big piss off to me. Getting in a few ton machine while all wobbly just doesn't make a whole lot of sense and it costs lives. Everyone knows that, but some sods do it anyway. Straight to the grinder for them. In this day and age there is no excuse.

3. People that Dress Pets.

--alright you fucks listen up. I'm sick to death of seeing animals dressed like human beings. Its fucking stupid and the animals don't like it. In fact IF the animals are more intelligent than we think , they are probably thinking your making a fuck out of them. So for you the DFH has a special Job for you.

We will make you knit a Giant sweater. Then we are going to watch as we throw you in an enclosed room with a polar bear, if you can get the sweater on him, and if he likes it, We'll let you go. If he likes the smell of the perfume De Blood we put on you more than your lovely sweater I would say your shit outa luck FUCKO! Its furry blender city for you!

I know there are more examples out there, I couldn't possibly name them all but if you have some suggestions I would be very happy if you would post them. I'll be posting them too as I think of them.


Dig It.

A Dream I Had........

I have a story based on a dream I had...Most of it is true...But then I added a few more details later. So its based on a dream I had.

Sweet Nightmares ;)




The Dream

I was asleep........That's where dreams begin after all.

It wasn't really a dream though,it was like half sleep. I could hear everything in my house. I could feel how I was positioned in my bed,and I could smell the scent of my room through my involuntary breathes, but I could not move and I couldn't open my eyes to see.

I knew exactly where I was. There was a wall with a window to my left,my closet was on the wall to my right along with the door that led to the hallway that lay on the other side of that closet wall,and the headboard of my bed rested against the wall about a foot from the top of my head.

I tried to take a deep breathe but it was not to be,my chest still took its normal involuntary breathes that a sleeping body would allow.
I could hear the faint rattling of panic start to rise deep inside me and I tried to control it as best I could,telling myself that I will wake up sooner or later and this would pass just like the other times.
I tried moving my arms,my legs,anything but of course it was no use and I knew that but I did my best to relax anyhow. As I did that I felt myself slipping into the dreamscape. Images started to form.

Swirls of pink,red,blue and black all coming together and just as I was becoming hopelessly hypnotised there came a very loud BANG................

The heater in my house just turned on......That's what it was..........But I'm still in a half sleep....Odd.....That should have been loud enough to wake me I thought...But it didn't........I could feel my ceiling fan blowing wind onto my bare chest.......I was sweating.......I could feel the air cool on me as cool as a fall breeze. I couldn't wake no matter what I tried to do and the air was getting colder........Unnaturally cold.

I felt the panic rise again but I took hold of it not letting it get the better of me......This would all be over soon.

I heard the heater suddenly turn off but a second later it turned on again....But there was no bang....It just turned off and started up again as if someone didn't mean to switch it off and quickly corrected the matter. But it did it again...Off...Then on....Off....Then on...It just kept doing this. Then I heard something just out my window.....A sort bang on the glass...As if someone threw something soft like a pillow at it....A few seconds later I heard it again.....And again....Each thump a few seconds apart but in a sort of rhythm with the heater......Off,on thump.....Off,on thump.....Off,on thump!
Had I the power to move I would be trembling. As the constant rhythm continued I could feel the panic running through my blood leaving it cold and racing. I struggled to wake,.....And the more I struggled the colder I got.....And from the window then I heard something else.....
A muffled voice...Sounding like a muffled cough through the window glass but those cough soon turned into slow cackling laughter. I low and deep laughter of a man who didn't even sound human. It sounded as though it were the wind itself rapping on my window and it added itself to the chorus of this twisted song.
If I had the freedom to move I don't think I could have anyhow. I was held in place by these terrible sounds.....
The rhythm got louder and a bit faster..And the laughter so low now that I felt it creeping in every one of my bones like insects devouring me from the inside out....And then I heard something else in the mad symphony........

A woman outside...Close enough to hear but far away...Was shrieking..shrieking loud and shrill piercing the night air and my thin walls.....Then I heard her down the hall in my living room...She was running straight up the hallway towards my room shrieking like a banshee....But I heard no foot steps.....And then she was in my room.....The shrieking swirled around me like a deafening wind of its own. I think my fear went beyond anything I have ever felt.

The screaming then turned into sobbing..And from what I could discern she was as the foot of my bed...And then I heard it....Something else adding itself to the music....
A large clunking sound...Louder than all the other sounds...And then another...And then the sound of something dragging against the right wall but on the hallway side.....
They were footsteps........."clunk"...Very heavy footsteps......"clunk"
then the dragging sound against the wall......Heading closer and closer in the direction of my room. As the footsteps got closer the woman's sobbing intensified......And when the footsteps were at my door...She began to scream....But louder than even before....And the man outside the window began to laugh even louder....When the footsteps entered my room...The woman's screaming became a constant howl ...And as the footsteps got closer and closer to where the woman was I found myself screaming...I felt myself screaming but no sound was coming out......
In my silent scream I heard the scrapping of metal on my floor then a sound not unlike someone taking a bite of an apple turned the woman's screaming to the gargling sounds of the drowning...And my body was sprayed with something warm and wet. Very shortly after that a large ripping sound stopped the gargling..... And something heavy landed on my chest then rolled onto my right shoulder onto my bed beside my head settling itself close to my ear.
The rhythm got louder and louder......The laughter on the other side of my window grew into loud mad cackling.....And then "CLUNK".......
"CLUNK"........The steps were coming to the right side of my bed......"CLUNK"............"CLUNK".........And they stopped there...And as they stopped....Everything stopped.....And there was only silence.......
My heart slowed...And my hand twitched....I could move it.......I shifted my whole arm.......In my exhilaration I look a deep breath.....But as I did that I noticed my chest was sticky and wet.......And I still felt a weight beside my head on the right side.....And I still felt the presence looming over the right side of my bed....I turned my head in that direction...And reluctantly I opened my eyes....

BANG!

I sat up in my bed gasping for air. The banging I heard was the heater turning on I realized. I then peeled my sweat covered body off my bed and I proceeded wearily to the living room to watch some television.

I've never dreamed anything like it since and hardly anything has managed to startle me after that.
The only thing I can remember about opening my eyes at the end of my dream was something tall in a long black coat or cloak with a black wide brimmed hat...And it was pointing something curved and sharp.....
All I know is that it was an image that seems to be in every shadow I see.....And I feel its cold aura on my skin now and then when I'm half asleep.

How I Came To Spend $120 on an Air Guitar

Greetings Fiends and Clubbed Ones.

I'm going to take the topic of evil off the board for this post to tell you a very important story. You know, no matter how smart you are, once in a while you do something so mind bogglingly stupid that you really wonder how it is you can operate water with out a manual.

This is a story about how stupid I was at one point. Some of you will say to yourselves" I can relate to that.." While most of you will just read this and laugh your ass off at me. Either way I'm putting myself on the proverbial cross and hope you never ever do something this dumb ass.

Here we go!

About 8 months ago I was living in an apartment with my room mate and long time good friend Adam. While I was living there I met this man. I met him while I was out going to the store and I saw him playing outside with his kid.
He mentioned to me that I looked just like Ozzy Osbourne, a comment that I have gotten regularly through out the years. I said"Thanx man" and we got to talking about music.

I mentioned that I was a musician and he suddenly sprang to letting me know he had a few keyboards to sell, two to be exact.

I Like Keyboards.

I mentioned that to him and I asked how much he could part with them for. He said he had to talk to"The Wife" about it first but he could let them both go he thought for about $70..I thought that was a pretty flippen sweet price for two so I told him where my apartment was(as we lived in the same building) and he would bring them over for inspection and payment in an hour or two.

And so about an hour later there he was, at my doorstep with 2 cheap ass keyboards. They were decent for the price, and they worked fine so I was happy that day. He gave me his number then and told me that we should hang out. I didn't really know if I wanted to hang out with the guy at this time as he was one of those stoner types. I don't have anything against pot, but this was the type of guy that had simple tastes like beer and sports. He's the type of guy you worked with on a construction job who always says things like"Fucken A Rights!". Watch the movie "FUBAR" and you'll see what I mean ;)

So that deal went through without a hitch. The good part comes next.

So a few months after that incident, I was sitting in my apartment with my room mate and long time good friend Adam, and my friend Brock who I had recently met at a social function for pretend sanguinests, when I heard a knock at the door. It was the keyboard guy. Interesting that he would just show up after a few months time but whatever. He said to me and my friends after I introduced them, that he had a friend with a guitar to sell.

I Like Guitars.

So I asked him how much and he told me his friend could part with it for about $100.

A working guitar for $100....What a sweet deal....At least I thought so....

I did have some extra cash from my tax return so I could afford it, hell why not.

So I axed him where it was. He said he had to take the money to his friends and that he would bring the guitar back in about an hour or so.

Now this sounded kinda shady to me starting at this point. What should I do?
I've done a deal with him once before and it went alright.....

My roommate and other friend were both there with me when he made the deal...And both of them are over six foot two...Adam is just as wide.....And I know where this guy lives. He also has a kid and a wife. He wouldn't be so stupid as to fuck me over would he? .......WOULD HE?!

Well it was then I decided to side with logic and chance. I gave him the money and waited.....In case your wondering about the title, I gave him an extra $20 he can keep just for bringing it to me.

One hour passes.....The 2....Then 3.......Then finally the whole night passes.

No Show.

Well he could have gotten held up somewhere so I'll give him till tomorrow.
That whole day went by.

No Show.

Well the day after that...I visited his residence. His wife answered telling me he was out and she didn't know when he'd be back....

Sounding better already huh;)

I told her about my dealings with her husband and that if he returns to tell him to ring me up.

Well the next day is when it hit. It was then I realized I got what I paid for.
An Air Guitar worth an amazing $120!

I called the cops the next day and they sent a constable over. I explained to him how dim witted I was about the whole thing and he was pretty good about it.
He went to visit the guy right then.
The guy wasn't in yet again but his wife was and she gave him some bogus story about her husband leaving the guitar at my doorstep the night before....Which was ofcourse complete shit as Adam and I were home all eve.

The officer said I could take em to court but also said it probably wouldn't be worth it. I shrugged and thanked the officer for his time.

Well you could imagine my friends and I had a few Ideas about what to do with this shit rag. We even went up to his flat for a few more visits...As I was moving out in a month and the bastard wouldn't know where to find me. Alas he wasn't home either time and it was then that I took it as a lesson.

I fool and his money are soon parted. True enough for I was a fool that day, but let me tell you...If that dude makes any more deals like that in the future....He'll be worse off then me. In fact, if I ever see him again......Well...Lets just say theirs going to be some revenge...A dish best saved often...For those deserving.

Dig It.