Why I'm an Atheist.

WARNING: It’s a bit long but I hope you find it thought provoking. Enjoy, or not.



I am in fact an Atheist. I like a lot of the cool pagan stuff but I can’t bring myself to actually believe it. Why am I an Atheist?

It’s not to be controversial or to make fun of religious people. Just because someone is religious doesn’t make them stupid. It isn’t so I can argue with people and challenge their idea either even though I like to do that on a number of topics. I’m an Atheist because it makes sense to me.

There are many reasons for this.

When I look at the world I see a very complicated place. Things are almost never as they seem from the structure of how a government really works to how atoms and molecules work. Almost nothing in the world has a simple explanation at its core. So how can the meaning of life and existence be explained by a book the size of the bible or the Koran? On top of that, the main characters in these books are too much like us. They’re monsters most of them. Let’s look at how Richard Dawkins describes the God of the old biblical testament.

"The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully."

This God is way too human in my opinion. Life is too complicated and it would be an insult to human existence and accomplishment to squeeze it all into small story book, and yes this applies to ALL of them.

I would never tell an individual that their faith is wrong but I wouldn’t encourage it either. What I’ve learned about the planet has pretty much forced me to believe that there aren’t any intelligent designers out there. I will tell them what I think if they ask me about my beliefs on religion. I would tell them that I don’t like the fact that it preaches wisdom yet restricts knowledge as a practice. I would tell them that I don’t like how most religious preach peace and then use the same doctrine as the ultimate excuse to go to war.

I would tell them that I don’t like the fact that people revere the Pope as a Holy man even though he lives in a house made of gold and says contraception spreads deadly viruses when he could be breaking off pieces of his own kitchen to help feed a small fucking country instead. That one really gets me. It gets on my pecs even more than the tolerated sexual abuse of children, or not, it’s hard to say what angers me more. That combination of stupidity, greed, ignorance and apathy should be enough to wake the world up, but it hasn’t yet.

I would tell them that I don’t like the fact that it preaches unity while separating you from society. I don’t like how a lot of religions take our base human instincts and make them out to be the worst possible things you could ever do, you know like sex and other fun stuff.

I would tell them how I greatly dislike the fact that Religion conditions people to disbelieve blatant and proven facts when it contradicts their faith. If faith is the most powerful thing in the universe, how in the hell is a fact going to hurt it? If your faith is true, should it not remain intact no matter what you learn? Why fear certain knowledge if your faith by its nature will overcome it?

If I was a spiritual leader I wouldn’t tell my congregation to resist temptation and not to listen to false profits. I would tell them to learn all that they can. If their faith is strong enough it will survive through anything they learn or experience that may test it. If our Holy book is true and all others are false surely you’ll find your way back to it, unless of course you’re one of the damned and the fallen……but if you’re good and pure you have nothing to worry about in the end right? It’s all been worked out already so it doesn’t matter.

I can’t think that way personally, again it’s too simple a life for such a complex universe.

Alright let’s try this, although I must warn you that this scenario might be complete bollocks, so let’s see.

A primitive culture is freezing to death in some wasteland. Say these people discover a bus. We don’t know how it got there, it just appeared one day. So they investigate this bus and wise men and women of the time learn how to use it. They’re not sure how it works but they work it anyway and it manages to take them many many miles away from the frozen wastes. Then abruptly it stops and works no more. Well since these people went from an existence of suffering to a better one they praise the bus, and get inspired to tell tales about the bus and build monuments to it. Soon an entire mythos is created about the vessel that took them from the frozen lands and into paradise and one day the bus will work again and when it does more buses will come and take everyone away to the promised land!

Look it can happen ok?! I know that most of the smart guys and gals would be asking where the fuck the bus came from in the first place but not these guys! That’s not how they do things!

Moving along…

So one day some people decide they’re going to examine the bus in an attempt to learn about it. There is an argument about this because some others believe the bus is holy and shouldn’t be tampered with. There is some fighting and deaths but over time things are discovered about the buses workings. Let’s assume there are wars to impede the examiners progress and many people die but eventually they find out how the bus works and they explain it to everyone. Now that everyone knows how the vehicle works they know it isn’t a magical device and anyone who believes that is laughed at. They still don’t know where the bus came from but they do know it’s a machine and there’s nothing mystical about it.


The moral of this very weird tale is this. I think that once we know enough about the universe the religious and the superstitious will have no choice but to change or they will find themselves laughed into the insane asylum. I don’t think we’re ever going to know everything about the universe but we’re finding out more and more everyday and soon religion will have no choice but to retire. The more you learn about what we already know the more I think you’ll realize just how silly the idea of a God really is, although that’s just my opinion. The only thing sillier of course is my bollocks bus metaphor.

Cheers.

Work

It’s what you say you do to make that hard earned cash you so desperately need to survive. Not survival in the wilderness sense oh no! Survival from madness. Survival from reality. Survival is doing the best you can to constantly rebuild the delusion you made for yourself while the chisel of existence and the hammer of the universe breaks it down fucking day in and day out. The ego and self importance with a dash of narcissism, keep it going at any cost! Nothing gets you there faster than money and stuff. Keep it going until the day oblivion swallows you whole and history eventually forgets you existed.

Anyhow forget all that the important thing is that I get to the point.

Right! Steady on! Here we go!

I came to my particular place of compulsory slavery today, doing this and that for the other slaves of course. My cage is a mailroom you understand. Anything sacred or desirable comes through me first. Despite this I do not know the secrets of their corporate universe for I am employed as a mere conduit. One of my duties is to assist visitors in finding the knowledge and information they seek so they can go on their way unabated to serve their particular master and “get er done” as it were.
I was helping three women this morning.

Auditors.

Predatory birds of the business matrices. Instinct sharp and a head full of big fucking eyes. They cover their beak with lip stick their talons are meticulously looked after but the trained eye can see the truth. Their claws are soaked in echoer like ink ready to inscribe your mistakes in their clipboard tablets binding them forever in the archives of time! Their maws soaked in the blood of the innocent and unorganized. They do not feed on scraps like their passive avian cousins which we call “Accountants” no. You must be wary around the Auditor.

I was sharp and resolute when they came to me squawking commands of their business. I was doing well under their ever watchful gaze until one ask me a favour.

“Could you fire up the company website so I may instruct you on seeking out some information?”

My reply

“Certainly miss, I would be happy to get it up for you.”

I realized what I said right after I said it. I felt sweat on my brow and I felt my mouth trying desperately not to smile. This was it, they had me. It felt as though their eyes on me were stones grinding my organs to dust. I calmed myself and did the task they asked me to and listened. There was nothing. They were just waiting.
Waiting for what they asked for. The accidental innuendo was completely lost on them, and I felt relief.

Then I heard it, a solitary and silent giggle. It shocked me but it was beautiful. The others didn’t seem to notice. Something happened then that summoned their attention away from me and they were gone. It all happened so quickly. I was almost certainly food for such a comment but I was spared. Spared from Auditor tyranny! This gives me hope.

It gives me hope that an accident somehow sparked something in the most banal heart. A reminder that no matter what foul shape we’ve carved ourselves into over the years and no matter how much discipline we put into our craft, deep down we’re just perverts eager to breed, enjoy it, and laugh about it and this made me happy.

I feel the mixed sensation of embarrassment and amusement still from hours ago when it happened…….

Back to the grind.

I wish Those Bloody Bells Would Stop

Greetings lads and lass’s, it has been a while and I have been busy.

A lot of things tend to be happening to me which isn’t odd in itself because that happens to most everyone, maybe. I am turning 30 in a month and though it really isn’t a big deal I have come to realize certain things in my 3 decades of existence. I used to be a witch, then I learned certain things about the universe which made me sorta witchy. Then I learned even more about the universe and the people living here among me and suddenly realized I was an atheist because being seriously religious seemed to me very silly. I discovered that people have a lot of potential and with the right ambition can accomplish great and or horrible things just by being themselves. That’s it really.

Things are horrid on the planet because there are people who can’t be arsed to make it better. I’m guilty of this myself in some aspects, as we all are, we can’t help it to a certain extent but if you feel you can help in some situation do it, or don’t it’s up to you. No Cloud King Fucker is going to judge you. Do it for you and yours and live your life however YOU choose because you’re the only one that can change it. The whole of existence is way too complicated to be explained away by a fairytale staring a magical carpenter or other such characters.

I think humans are wicked in their own right, so let’s be wicked and do stuff.

That previous statement of complete vague positivity was brought to you today by the letter P, the number 2 and a complete Lunatic.

And now…..OTHER THINGS!!!

I just finished being in a show called Demonika’s Symphony of Horrors. It was brilliant. I got to play Igor in a Frankenstein fetish set. Also my first major Acting/Performing gig in a very long while. The rehearsals were…well crap for the most part BUT, by the time we all got on stage we actually pulled it off pretty well. I was indeed impressed.
All of the acts that night were fantastic and I have plenty of pictures as many of you have already seen. It was awesome, and I get to MC a show in a few weeks. I’m still undecided about the costume I need some ideas.

My friend Neal and I are friends again which is a good thing as he’s a wonderful bloke. We had a falling out over the New Year but things are alright now. He had some issues he needed to work out but now that those aren’t plaguing him anymore he’s his old self again. Hopefully the future holds many a great tune and good time to be had with this man.

I recently went back to Ontario to visit some friends and attend a big live action role playing convention. The trip was awesome. I got to see tons of old friends I haven’t seen in 2 years since I left and where I was (London) gave me an interesting Nostalgic feeling. It was pleasant. I went to the convention expecting to geek out and spend time with more kick ass friends, especially one I was sharing a room with because every time I’ve hung around her she was just great fun. Something good and unexpected happened during my stay there that I won’t go into, but you could probably guess ;)
Said friend is coming to visit me in a couple of weeks, and I’m overjoyed.
We shall see what happens from there. So yeah, lots of change and new friends, and more…hehehehe…..

Right, now here is a LINK!!

http://www.rathergood.com/val_halal/

Now piss off!!

All I See, Is Infinite Beauty….and Robots…..Beauty and Robots.

I said I would write again when there were things to tell, and by God there are now! The New Year and a bit before it has brought on a score of change.

Let’s get right down to it then shall we? Good! Steady on!

My friend Kibilz decided he was going to buy a house, and so he did. To help with the mortgage he was going to turn his basement into a make shift bachelor suite that he was going to rent out. Since I loved living alone in Ontario I thought what the hell, I’ll take him up on this wonderful offer and finally have a place on my own after all this time. Jovknee my room mate was not a factor in this decision I just simply like having my own space.
So Kibilz and I have been building this fucking thing for the past month now with the help of our friend Kevin. It’s interesting to watch something like this go up, especially when you’ve never done this sort of thing before. So by February 1st it should be ready, and I’ll have a lair of my own once more!

FUCKING HAZAH!

This did leave Jovknee with the problem of finding another room mate, and I was worried about it for a while but it appears that the situation has been rectified. We shall call her “Mittens”. I have no bloody clue as to why we shall call her that. My friend Rimmy names people in my life. He’s usually good at it. If he doesn’t hit the mark it’s usually amusing so it’s all good.
This new room mate is pretty cool so far and I don’t have to worry any more.
Oh, if Mittens is reading this….you can blame Rimmy when he calls our house…and he will, for the name.

Mittens has a dog and so does Jovknee. The dogs get along great. The often spend time doing the “Canine 500” around the house and let me tell you, dogs + hard wood floors = Comedy gold. They can’t corner worth a damn. The beasts just run around crashing into things and biting each other. I wonder why we as a race don’t do that sort of thing anymore. Maybe we do.
There must be a club where you can do that….

Of course for Christmas I went home to B.C. and spent time with my Mother an Grandmother as always. It was a good and relaxing time…as always. The family I got left are great, simply great. After I got home from that trip is where the serious adventures begin.

My friends Scoob and Pink/Toque (Code names to protect the awesome) just announced they are getting married. WOOOHOOO I say! Conrad’s you crazy bastards! My Friend Gravedigger is apparently having a kid with his wife. I can’t comment on this, because I have nothing nice to say about his wife. It isn’t even amusing, just vulgar so I’ll leave it at that.

The Night if Dec 27th

Gothic/Industrial night at the Soda Night Club called Chimera.
That was a bloody good time. I got very drunk, danced like a fool, and met some kick ass people that I haven’t seen in a very very long time.
I do not remember much of that evening but I saw some pictures. I knew I was having fun because I looked an absolute tit, which is ok I suppose.
I kind of remember escorting some friends to a train station, and I think I got a cab ride home. I’m doing that again the next time it happens.

The Night of Dec 28th

A friend of mine Kat invited me to her house party so it was this night that I went (Her name needs no protection. The Awesome just shines through anyway). The party was fancy dress encouraged so of course being me I went all out in pirate gear! This night was awesome! Kat was a fabulous host, the company was second to none. I had some interesting mushroom tea…that did nothing but was delicious! I drank 20 oz of scotch to myself! I played some music with some people! Things got blurry and twisted until the morning time where the remainder of the guests and I, along with Kat had breakfast and talked about things. With yet another bender under my belt and well sleep deprived, it was time for me o go home and rest as I had another event to go to the next night/that night. Twas brilliant!

The Night of the 29th

A friend from Gore Games Danielle, invited me out for her birthday. A bunch of people having Japanese food to start, then off to the Republik Night club. I clearly haven’t had enough booze for one weekend so off I went! I decided tonight would be a good night to wear the priest collar.
Sushi was pretty good, but a lot of it didn’t agree with me as the scotch from the previous evening made my stomach all fucking cranky. That’s ok; there was booze to be had after. Off to the club! A group of us get there an promptly start drinking like fish. I got some interesting reactions to the collar. Some liked it. Some got their pic taken with me. One girl wasn’t all that impressed with me. Conversation is as fallows.

Her: Are you really a Priest?
Me: I’ll get back to you on that..
Her: Does the shirt help with the ladies?
Me: Perhaps..
Her: You’re not as interesting as I thought you would be.

She walks off. I laughed as she did and thought “Well you are as shallow as I thought you were going to be, so one out of two isn’t bad……cunt..”

The rest of the night was pretty good. Danielle is a peach and her friends are pretty wicked so for not knowing people all that well that evening it went well.

The Night of the 30th

I went to a sea food place called Bookers and ate 8 pounds of Crab. It was a holocaust. Hey I don’t feel bad! What if those bastards try to take over huh? I ain’t takin no guff from something with out a skeleton! So help keep the crustaceans down! That night was sweet. Sweet Crustacean murder! :D

New Years Eve how ever was when it all turned around, as in it was bad.

It didn’t start out bad though. Neal picked me up from work and we ran a few errands that day and generally had a good fucking time. We had just got electronic drums and the general plan was to go up to his cousin’s house and jam for New Years. Fucking brilliant plan! His cousin’s house is out in the middle of nowhere. No one can hear you scream let alone jam. So off we go to Neal’s cousin’s house.
Everything is pretty cool for a while. I get very drunk again as does everyone else which includes Neal, his wife, our friend Elli and Neal’s cousin. Another guy named James or Josh I believe was there along with a couple of other women that didn’t stay for long. I would say “What a pity” but it turned out to be a good thing they left. Josh didn’t leave but it was ok he didn’t. He turned out to be a pretty kick ass bloke. It was a night of joy and merriment for a while but then as I said, it all changed.
Neal has been having some minor anger issues while drunk. It doesn’t happen every time, but every so often they appear, and when they do he usually disappears. Not this time. It started out with arguing with his wife. This argument got really loud and it wasn’t long before Neal had a complete psychotic episode. The man was flailing abuse about the place and didn’t miss an opportunity to hurt someone. Not in the physical sense but in other ways mostly verbal. He managed to smash a lot of things as well including parts of his cousin’s place. We were in the middle of nowhere and no one could hear you scream. Damned right. We waited till he exhausted himself out, talking and trying to joke around for the rest of the time. Eventually we went to sleep but it wasn’t a good sleep. That sort of abuse brings out awful feelings and memories. I know that Neal has his issues, everyone does. You have a choice whether to control them or not, and if you can’t you can bail.
So it was then I decided I wasn’t going to play music or be friends with him, at least for now. That really sucks cause he is an awesome guy and a great musician, but there is shit I just wont tolerate. On top of that he smashed the electronics drums I paid for. It was not a good evening.
We’re civil now and he’s paying me back and he knows what he did wrong so I guess there is that but still, losing a friend is never a good thing for what ever reason, especially when you’re the one breaking it off.

Let us hope the year is better than its ringing in.

When I finally get back to work I got some interesting news. My manager is leaving the company. She’s the one that got along with us great and managed to get us a kick ass raise. Apparently it was like going on a bloody crusade just to get more money for us. She is fed up with her superiors not listening to her and not being able to move the company anywhere. The people running the show are idiots and want things just the way they are, so she said “fuck this” and left. I don’t blame her and ever since she left I felt a sort of apathy towards my job. There is nothing I can really do short of mass murder that can get me fired so, it’s time to start pushing boundaries little by little and see how much I can get away with. It should be a fun few months.

There is something amusing that happened to me the other night.
I was invited to a friend Karla’s birthday. I met her and her friend Sue among a few others at a strip club in the North East. Where else are you gona have a good time?! Jesus!
Anyhow after a while of hanging out, they decide they want to dance, and that’s cool. They want to go to the gay bar and they ask me if it’s ok. I said sure, why not! Buy the ticket, take the ride! So off we go!
Now I must admit, as we approached the place I felt “The Fear”.
That sucks because I thought I was better than that. It was a strange place with people I didn’t know very well and on top of that it was a whole new element but still, why the hell feel fear?! Ah well I swallowed it like a man and went inside.
Now on top of this I wasn’t really in the mood for drinking or dancing. It had been a long week with a lot of drinking and construction of my new flat, so when they asked me to check my coat I was reluctant as I didn’t know how long I was going to stay. I didn’t want to pay the two dollars if I wasn’t staying so I decided I was going to leave. In some weird way I felt defeated but I knew it made sense. As I’m discussing my exit with Sue a small door Nazi explains to me in an ever so feminine lisp that he wants me to either check my coat or leave because he cannot keep an eye on my and the door at the same time. I looked by the door and saw no one. I was clearly a menace to him. So not to upset the gentleman any more I decided to get Sue’s number so that we could all hook up another time. Unfortunately I wasn’t granted enough time to do this. The Door man Nazi was adamant now telling me not to piss him off and to leave immediately or check my coat. It was then I took my queue and disappeared into the night back home.
There you have it folks. First time inside a gay bar and I get kicked out for not checking my coat fast enough. I must be incredibly sexy. Too bad it doesn’t work that way in the other clubs.

I apologize because I know this has been a long post but don’t fret, it is nearly at its completion. My Friend Pam turned me on to yet another awesome thing. Dr. Steel and his wonderful music and message. This man is amazing! He dresses like a mad scientist from the 1940s and his music fits that very description. Pam, I’m your slave forever if you wish it simply for the amount of awesome I’ve been exposed to because of you!

Last thing.

I’m planning my trip to Ontario to visit some friends in March. Its been 2 years, way too long to have myself deprived of my friends wonderful company out there. My heart is filled with so much joy at the thought.

Thanks so much for reading, now go do something interesting instead of reading this dribble! I for one, am going to sleep and am going to dream some dreamy dreams.

I love you!.........maybe……

Low Down

I'd Write more about New Years and some stuff before that but for now I found a song. It's Lyrics time again and Tom Waits just described my dream girl. H.P. Lovecraft did too.....

I'll show you both here and now. Lets see what you think.

Tom Waits - Low Down

She's a crooked Sheriff in a real straight town
She opened the door shake shake the lights go down
Clover honey and the Jimson Weed
Red leather skirt way up above her knees
Oh yeah, my baby's lowdown

She's a gone lost dirt road
There ain't no way back I been told
Well she's a story they all tell
She's a rebel, she's a yell
Oh yeah, my baby's lowdown

White heat in a cold rain
I'm a mergin here in your mergin lane
Jockey La Fayette, Big Eyed Al
The second hand moon's shining for my gal

She's a big red flag in a mean bullpen
She'll steal it from you, sell right
Back to you again
Well she's a whild rose, she's not settled
Cold gun of ice blue metal
Oh Yeah My baby's lowdown

White heat in a cold rain
I'm a mergin here in your mergin lane
Jockey la Fayette, Big Eyed Al
The Second hand Moon is shining for my gal

She's a cheap motel with a burned out sign
She'll take care of you definitely every time
She got a stolen check book and leg's up to here
Singing into a hairbrush
Right in front of the mirror
Oh yeah, my baby's lowdown

--------------

And now for the second bit.

-------------

H.P. Lovecraft - Nathicana

It was in the pale garden of Zais;
The mist-shrouded gardens of Zais,
Where blossoms the white naphalot,
The redolent herald of midnight.
There slumber the still lakes of crystal,
And streamlets that flow without murm'ring;
Smooth streamlets from caverns of Kathos
Where broodth the calm spirits of twilight.
And over the lakes and the streamlets
Are bridges of pure alabaster,
White bridges all cunningly carven
With figures of fairies and daemons.
Here glimmer strange suns and strange planets,
And strange is the crescent Bnapis
That sets 'yong the ivy-grown ramparts
Where thicken the dusk of the evening.
Here fall the white vapours of Yabon;
And here in the swirl of vapours
I saw the divine Nathicana;
The garlanded, white Nathicana;
The slow-eyed, red-lipped Nathicana;
The silver-voiced, sweet Nathicana;
The plae-rob'd, belov'd Nathicana.
And ever was she my beloved,
From ages when time was unfashioned
Now anything fashion'd but Yabon.
And here dwelt we ever and ever,
The innocent children of Zais,
At peace in the paths and the arbours,
White-crowned with the blest nephalote.
How oft would we float in the twilight
O'er flow'r-cover'd pastures and hillsides
All white with the lowly astalthon;
The lowly yet lovely astalthon,
And dream in a world made of dreaming
The dreams that are fairer than Aidenn;
Bright dreams that are truer than reason!
So dreamed and so lov'd we thro' ages,
Till came the cursed season of Dzannin;
The daemon-damn'd season of Dzannin;
When red shone the suns and the planets,
And red leamed the crescent Banapis,
And red fell the vapours of Yabon.
Then redden'd the blossoms and streamlets
And lakes that lay under the bridges,
And even the calm alabaster
Glowed pink with uncanny reflections
Till all the carv'd fairies and daemons
Leer'd redly from the backgrounds of shadow.
Now redden'd my vision, and madly
I strove to peer thro' the dense curtain
And glimpsed the divine Nathicana;
The pure, ever-pale Nathicana;
The lov'd, the unchang'd Nathicana.
But vortex on vortex of madness
Beclouded my labouring vision;
My damnable, reddening vision
That built a new world for my seeing;
Anew world of redness and darkness,
A horrible coma call'd living
So now in this come call'd living
I view the bright phantons of beauty;
The false hollow phantoms of beauty
That cloak all the evils of Dzannin.
I view them with infinite longing,
So like do they seem to my lov'd one:
Yet foul for their eyes shines their evil;
Their cruel and pitilessevil,
More evil than Thaphron and Latgoz,
Twice ill fro its gorgeous concealment.
And only in slumbers of midnight
Appears the lost maid Nathicana,
The pallid, the pure Nathicana
Who fades at the glance of the dreamer.
Again and again do I seek her;
I woo with deep draughts of Plathotis,
Deep draughts brew'd in wine of Astarte
And strengthen'd with tears of long weeping.
I yearn for the gardens of Zais;
The lovely, lost garden of Zais
Where blossoms the white nephalot,
The redolent herald of midnight.
The last potent draught am I brewing;
A draught that the daemons delight ih;
A drught that will banish the redness;
The horrible coma call'd living.
Soon, soon, if I fail not in brewing,
The redness and madness will vanish,
And deep in the worm-people'd darkness
Will rot the base chains that hav bound me.
Once more shall the gardens of Zais
Dawn white on my long-tortur'd vision,
And there midst the vapours of Yabon
Will stand the divine Nathicana;
The deathless, restor'd Nathicana
Whose like is not met with in living.

------------------

Mix those two things and I'm in heaven...even though Mr. Lovecraft wasn't the sanest indavidual, he paints such a lovely picture with words.

An update is comming soon...until then.......

Meat is Murder..Tasty...Tasty...Murder.

Not much new to report, except that my Internet station is up an running again. 220 hours of Gothic/Industrial/Punk/Metal/Silliness without repeating a song. Bloody brilliant!

How do you get there? Well..

Go to www.shoutcast.com

Search for "Nightmares, Whispers, and Screams"

Once you find it you can listen. It works better with Winamp than anything else mind.

Other than that, nothing new here except for weariness. I need sleep....

Peace Out Bitches.

Performances, Both Seen and Done.

Good fucking hell almighty what a month. Chalked full of craziness.

Zombie walk was once again one of the best events I’ve attended all year. A bunch of fellow freaks dressed up as dead flesh eating beasts, and there were about 300 of the fuckers. The organizer tried to make it official but the city fucked him 6 ways from Sunday with the wrong information. Bureaucracy strikes again but we did it anyway and had a good old time. You can’t stop someone from taking a walk.

I then did a week of straight preparation for the fist annual Miss Demeanor and Sick Fuck Productions First Annual Calgary Gore Games, for I was the MC and host. It was to be my first performing gig in quite some time and by God I did not want to fuck it up.
Finally the time came and I was ready. The stage was set, the guests were invited and the blood was ready to flow. At least that’s what we thought anyway.
The turn out was better than we anticipated. None of the people I invited showed up. Now 80% of these people were busy, had a family or had understandable reasons they could not go. The other 20% however, ..well lets just say I have a long fucken memory, and when they want me to show up at something they think is important I’ll just ….see what I can do.
It didn’t matter though as apparently I did a fabulous job.
The one person who did rear his ugly head was Murphy, and he bought his fucking lawyer too. The intro started out great and the bands did a fine job, but the Gore Games went somewhat awry. Nothing noticeable as everyone had fun and didn’t know anything was wrong but we of course had to alter a few things and adlib a few others due to faulty props and things just going as planed. Murphy’s Lawyer even turned the pigs on one of our sponsors. Demonika Clothing was fined for not having some sort of business license.
Absolute bullshit. To add insult to injury I introduced her wrong. I was bound to get something wrong but why that?! I hope she got some exposure and made some sort of profit at least.
All in all it was a blast and I made a good first impression, and I was told I would be used again for something like this. The only real bad noise was a bunch of drunks who kept bothering us by not moving back from the stage. One of them was dressed as a black man and every time I put the order out to get back he and his friends would shout that I “hated niggers”. Ironically I was The Man trying to keep them down but Jesus, was there no decency?
The fools ended up getting kicked out of the place and all was well again, and with any luck those fuckers will earn themselves a Darwin award before they have a chance to breed and fill the world with more ignorant apes.
I even flirted quite a bit with a beautiful young thing, but like a jackass, I didn’t take her home although that turned out to be a good thing. The reason I will explain to you in a bit. I went home feeling like I accomplished something good and that I proved to myself and to others that I have talent for the stage. Brilliant.
The reason why not taking the girl home was a good thing, is the next day I woke up ill, that being sick just isn’t sexy. I could have got a number or something though, no excuse for cowards.

Sick or not I would not miss the event that would happen that following day.
I attended Henry Rollins Spoken Word and by God I had one of the most entertaining evenings of my life. That man knows how to tell a story. I would recommend that anyone go see him when he is in town. That man knows what is going on and Henry, I tip my hat to you sir. He does these shows all the time telling a lot of the same stories over a over again no doubt but he had the wicked enthusiasm of the first telling and the energy of a man half his age.
I went home that night very sick, but inspired.

I spent the next half week in a NyQuil coma trying to get rid of this terrible illness but come Halloween I was ready. I dressed up and went to the mall with my friend Kibilz and his family. Their child Sylvan trick or treated around the stores and I scared the locals. A night well spent. I also saw my cousin and his wife doing the same thing. Small worlds.

The next day I managed to hit an event at a club I was invited to. It was the first time in a while they were playing music I really liked there so fun was had by all. I had gone there the Friday before the Gore Games and was sorely disappointed. I won’t say how much I paid to get in that Friday but I will say that for what I got for that amount of money, was raped…and not in the fun sense. I did however meet a friend there so it wasn’t all bad.
The kick ass event at the same club was only 2 dollars to get in, and I had a great time. Perhaps things are changing.
The weekend after Halloween was spent with Neal mostly doing music finally. It’s been a while since that sort of thing has worked. Along with that the night was filled with shenanigans that again I can not tell you about. It’s better not knowing but it was fun none the less.
A while ago I tried to get a ticket to go see one of my favorite bands H.I.M.
Unfortunately the tickets were sold out, and I was very saddened. Fortunately the friend I met on Shitty Rave Friday needed money and sold me her ticket last minute. I was jubilant that this angel gave me the chance to see one of my favorite bands live. I went to the concert yesterday full of excitement. The place was packed with all the Emo, Goth and metal types you would see there. The house was sold out. Very tense. I missed the opening act but that’s ok. I spent it drinking in the beer gardens and taking in the scene. Once the band was done, I finished my beer and headed inside.

I was happy to see H.I.M. after waiting 8 years to do so, but I was disappointed. The show was good. The musicians were talented and in good form. They played a lot of songs I wanted to hear and that was all fine and dandy. The sound sucked. If I didn’t know the songs and the words I wouldn’t have been able to understand the singer. I had that same issue with Dimmu Borgir at this exact venue months ago. The set was relatively short with no encore. That was very the horrid part.
I saw VNV Nation in Edmonton a month earlier and they kicked my ass. They came out for 2 encores and played for a total of 2.5 hours and this was an electronic band.
H.I.M. was a bigger band than them in a lot of circles. Their singer was some what of a sex symbol. VNV Nation just looked like a couple of guys you would have a drink with in the pub. I expected more from H.I.M.
Perhaps someone in the band wasn’t feeling well. Perhaps not. I don’t know but I think that if a show is sold out and you have that many people come to see you, you rock them hard, make them bleed. You don’t play for an hour and fifteen minutes and then fuck off. Even one Half Hour encore would have been great. Still I love the band, and I’ll keep buying their albums as long as they don’t go the way of their concerts.

In the midst of all of this, I managed to forget my Moms Birthday. She forgave me but that still doesn’t absolve it. She knows I love her, and no one forgets deliberately but still I’m an only child with a father gone astray when I was 5. She’s the only parent I have, and I shouldn’t have forgotten.
No one’s perfect though, you take a sad song and make it better.
Naaah Nah Nah Nanananaahh.

I know this was a big update, so thanks for tuning in and God have mercy on you swine!