The Head Tit

Happy Halloween

2009-11-10T16:06:00.001-07:00

I wrote a Vampire story.

That is all.

Karma or Lack of Foresight?

When I woke I saw no moon only clouds so I got in my car and drove across the city. Perfect night for a stroll, I’ve seen a lot of nights so I know this one will be perfect. I left my car in an abandoned parking lot and started walking through the ghettos back towards home or wherever I end up.

I love walking among the urban jungles and their seedy underbellies. Some things over the years have changed but the basic fundamentals of society have not. The rich tread on the poor and the strong prey on the weak. The wealthy stay that way off the labor of others and the laborers stay comfortably dominated through home entertainment and other new gadgets. Here in the ghettos things are a bit rawer although not entirely different. There are the good and bad parts of a city and each section, rich or poor has its predators and one needs to know these things if you’re among them, or in my case, slightly above.

I turn a corner and see the familiar site of hoodlums gathering around a large barrel of fire with their “music” blasting out of some vehicle they own or stole. They notice me walking by and pretend not to care but I know what they saw, I recognize the look in their eyes and sure enough my hunch is correct as I see about four of them start to tail me. They’ve decided to rob me I know that much, but from the gang lingo and signs they’re giving off I’d say they’re working out whether to kill me or not. They’re not reaching for their firearms so I guess they’ve come to the conclusion that a gentleman like me would most likely be missed. I do happen to be well dressed, a black suit with a black tie and a bowler hat carrying a long black umbrella and a briefcase so it makes sense, and being white isn’t helping my case any so yes a sound beating will have to do for the likes of me.

They believe I don’t stand a chance against them. Let them believe. There is no reason that they can see why they should believe otherwise and that is the moment that believing transforms into knowing, I see it in their eyes and their grins, and it’s when one confuses belief with knowledge that the most fatal mistakes are made, not to mention the atrocities, but not tonight not for them. Tonight things play out differently. They see me stop and turn around so they too stop. We look at each other for quite some time it seems. They start to approach without a word slowly and confidently. Hoodlums dress very oddly now days. Back in my time you kept your clothing tight and simple so that in a brawl there was nothing to drag you down. But in this day and age image has taken the place of substance and the meek have inherited the earth. Fools have always preached the end times but this is the closest they’ve gotten yet. My attackers are dressed in miss matched baggy clothing with random bits of fake ridiculous jewelry. It’s very hard to be intimidated by them. Where I’m from it’s very hard to look intimidating when it appears that you can’t put a hat on properly. Oh well, my lithe and tall frame extends it’s long arms out before it in welcome and grinning I say..

“Hello Gentlemen! How can I be of service?”

All they do is snicker and rush me and I welcome them with my open arms as I am crushed by the weight of their first blows. They’ve surrounded me now, knocking me around from one to the other, and .. I welcome it. At one point I feel a couple of ribs crack from one of their knees and I take this opportunity to take something from the hoods pocket and palm it, after that I let them have their fun. The predatory beast inside my soul is screaming at me. It wants to finish them where they stand but I resist it. I could end them right now in so many colorful ways. I have done so many times in the past. But tonight will be different yes, tonight I play a new game. As the flesh and bones of my body rip and crack with every strike I can feel the beast in me howl louder and louder. No I say! You will still your wailing for now! If you do not remember that I’ve mastered you long ago this is your reminder!

At this point I realize the attack has stopped and they are rifling through my clothes. My body is broken and sprawled on the ground. I make sure to moan a bit and wheeze some shallow breathing so they don’t panic and think they’ve killed me. Too late for that I’m afraid my young friends, but I let them believe all the same. I let them “know”. They’ve taken my briefcase and my wallet. One of them is pissing on me, am I marked now I wonder?

After they have a chuckle they leave me shattered in the street hooting and hollering about their accomplishments.

I contemplate my current state for a while laying in the silence of the ally. It’s not often I get to be a victim so I think on the concept for a bit in my current state. In this time I let my breathe cease and just be the dead man I’ve been for over a hundred years. No pretending anymore as the first act of tonight’s macabre play is over and the intermission has begun. I can be myself again for a bit.

My body is dead but besides that there are minimal apparent changes to its structure. All the parts are there but most of them don’t work the way they used to and that’s alright because it doesn’t matter. The only thing that really changed was the blood. The one that made me the thing I am now did so by taking all of mine, and replaced it with hers. It happened the same way to her whenever she was made and again and again on and on back through history. It boggles my mind sometimes thinking of the source of what I am and all before me, the force driving my corpse and sustaining my intellect. Oh well, no one really knows where they’ve come from, not even my kind.

Even though I refill my supply of blood off of men and women and sometimes animals, the potency left in my veins by the one who made me is still very much there and grants me some unique merits. For instance, if my body has been damaged I can repair it, and with a simple thought I send that power flowing through my body. Bones and limbs snap back into place, my torn and bruised flesh mends and reforms itself and in less than half a minutes time, everything is what it once was. My clothes of course are in shambles. They left my hat and umbrella alone though I see. A spot of luck it seems.

I pick them both up off the ground and straighten myself out. The Beast, another thing left inside me by my maker, is not only howling for vengeance but for sustenance as well. The perks my blood holds are useful but using them somewhat diminishes the supply, I’ll need more. Where shall I get it?

I find in my sleeve the palmed item from one of my assailants. It’s a wallet, ahhh, just as I thought! Excellent. Let’s see what’s inside shall we?

Well look here I’ve found money. Fifty dollars. What else … a condom … some random cards for tattoo shops and what not. A phone number … mmmm … interesting and here we go … an ID … a student ID. Why the poor lad is still in school, or was. And a government ID as well. Why he’s only seventeen years young. Mr. Sean Coakley, very interesting indeed, having this is well worth what I gave up. What was in my wallet? Nothing but money, about three hundred dollars I reckon and nothing else. What’s the use of having anything else in your wallet when you’re as old as I am? Anyhow it was mostly bait as was the suitcase. The suitcase held a considerable amount more than the wallet, five thousand, seven?

They’ll have a ball with it I’m sure. In the mean time, lets go pay Mr. Coakley a visit.

--- ------ ----- ------- --- ------

I’ve been standing outside the Coakley residence for a little over an hour and I’ve learned so very much. Sean it seems is a fake. The house is nice, upper middle class I would say. There is a nice car in the drive way and a swing set in the front yard. There’s even a good sized house for the dog, and there it is huddling inside it peering at me. It senses what I am and will not come out. I can smell its fear and see the little thing trembling. A purer breed of canine might have started barking trying to drive me away, “Back you foul unnatural thing! Get away from my territory!” but no not this one. Oh how times have changed.

I digress though. It’s time for Sean to learn a lesson about his lot. People, especially young people are very eager to take away from others not realizing what they have. It appears that Mrs. Coakely is the only one in the house tonight. I saw her through a window watching a movie on television looking ever so lonely.

I tell the Beast inside me that you need wait no longer for she will be the object of your affections. By the time we are through my pet, a new beginning will unfold for young Sean Coakley and many lessons shall be inflicted upon him. The mess we will make in this grand feeding will not only deprive our young friend of a parent, but the media will most likely reveal this young pups true identity to his street friends.

The pure lust emanating from my Beast fills me up and crashes over me in a wave of hunger and anticipation. That is my cue to let the second act begin and with that, I start walking up the walkway.

After a while just giving into desire isn’t enough, it must be a focused desire, and this new age we’re in gives me enough reasons to focus and inflict what I am upon humanity more than ever.

As I snap the lock on the door and open it a tune comes into my head, I believe it’s called ‘Puttin on the Ritz’ . I always liked that one. When she notices me I’m humming it, and it is shortly after that the screaming starts….

If you’re blue and you don’t know mm mm mmmm mmm …..

Why I'm an Atheist.

2009-03-25T15:43:00.001-06:00

WARNING: It’s a bit long but I hope you find it thought provoking. Enjoy, or not.

I am in fact an Atheist. I like a lot of the cool pagan stuff but I can’t bring myself to actually believe it. Why am I an Atheist?

It’s not to be controversial or to make fun of religious people. Just because someone is religious doesn’t make them stupid. It isn’t so I can argue with people and challenge their idea either even though I like to do that on a number of topics. I’m an Atheist because it makes sense to me.

There are many reasons for this.

When I look at the world I see a very complicated place. Things are almost never as they seem from the structure of how a government really works to how atoms and molecules work. Almost nothing in the world has a simple explanation at its core. So how can the meaning of life and existence be explained by a book the size of the bible or the Koran? On top of that, the main characters in these books are too much like us. They’re monsters most of them. Let’s look at how Richard Dawkins describes the God of the old biblical testament.

"The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully."

This God is way too human in my opinion. Life is too complicated and it would be an insult to human existence and accomplishment to squeeze it all into small story book, and yes this applies to ALL of them.

I would never tell an individual that their faith is wrong but I wouldn’t encourage it either. What I’ve learned about the planet has pretty much forced me to believe that there aren’t any intelligent designers out there. I will tell them what I think if they ask me about my beliefs on religion. I would tell them that I don’t like the fact that it preaches wisdom yet restricts knowledge as a practice. I would tell them that I don’t like how most religious preach peace and then use the same doctrine as the ultimate excuse to go to war.

I would tell them that I don’t like the fact that people revere the Pope as a Holy man even though he lives in a house made of gold and says contraception spreads deadly viruses when he could be breaking off pieces of his own kitchen to help feed a small fucking country instead. That one really gets me. It gets on my pecs even more than the tolerated sexual abuse of children, or not, it’s hard to say what angers me more. That combination of stupidity, greed, ignorance and apathy should be enough to wake the world up, but it hasn’t yet.

I would tell them that I don’t like the fact that it preaches unity while separating you from society. I don’t like how a lot of religions take our base human instincts and make them out to be the worst possible things you could ever do, you know like sex and other fun stuff.

I would tell them how I greatly dislike the fact that Religion conditions people to disbelieve blatant and proven facts when it contradicts their faith. If faith is the most powerful thing in the universe, how in the hell is a fact going to hurt it? If your faith is true, should it not remain intact no matter what you learn? Why fear certain knowledge if your faith by its nature will overcome it?

If I was a spiritual leader I wouldn’t tell my congregation to resist temptation and not to listen to false profits. I would tell them to learn all that they can. If their faith is strong enough it will survive through anything they learn or experience that may test it. If our Holy book is true and all others are false surely you’ll find your way back to it, unless of course you’re one of the damned and the fallen……but if you’re good and pure you have nothing to worry about in the end right? It’s all been worked out already so it doesn’t matter.

I can’t think that way personally, again it’s too simple a life for such a complex universe.

Alright let’s try this, although I must warn you that this scenario might be complete bollocks, so let’s see.

A primitive culture is freezing to death in some wasteland. Say these people discover a bus. We don’t know how it got there, it just appeared one day. So they investigate this bus and wise men and women of the time learn how to use it. They’re not sure how it works but they work it anyway and it manages to take them many many miles away from the frozen wastes. Then abruptly it stops and works no more. Well since these people went from an existence of suffering to a better one they praise the bus, and get inspired to tell tales about the bus and build monuments to it. Soon an entire mythos is created about the vessel that took them from the frozen lands and into paradise and one day the bus will work again and when it does more buses will come and take everyone away to the promised land!

Look it can happen ok?! I know that most of the smart guys and gals would be asking where the fuck the bus came from in the first place but not these guys! That’s not how they do things!

Moving along…

So one day some people decide they’re going to examine the bus in an attempt to learn about it. There is an argument about this because some others believe the bus is holy and shouldn’t be tampered with. There is some fighting and deaths but over time things are discovered about the buses workings. Let’s assume there are wars to impede the examiners progress and many people die but eventually they find out how the bus works and they explain it to everyone. Now that everyone knows how the vehicle works they know it isn’t a magical device and anyone who believes that is laughed at. They still don’t know where the bus came from but they do know it’s a machine and there’s nothing mystical about it.

The moral of this very weird tale is this. I think that once we know enough about the universe the religious and the superstitious will have no choice but to change or they will find themselves laughed into the insane asylum. I don’t think we’re ever going to know everything about the universe but we’re finding out more and more everyday and soon religion will have no choice but to retire. The more you learn about what we already know the more I think you’ll realize just how silly the idea of a God really is, although that’s just my opinion. The only thing sillier of course is my bollocks bus metaphor.

Cheers.

Work

2008-07-15T16:15:00.001-06:00

It’s what you say you do to make that hard earned cash you so desperately need to survive. Not survival in the wilderness sense oh no! Survival from madness. Survival from reality. Survival is doing the best you can to constantly rebuild the delusion you made for yourself while the chisel of existence and the hammer of the universe breaks it down fucking day in and day out. The ego and self importance with a dash of narcissism, keep it going at any cost! Nothing gets you there faster than money and stuff. Keep it going until the day oblivion swallows you whole and history eventually forgets you existed.

Anyhow forget all that the important thing is that I get to the point.

Right! Steady on! Here we go!

I came to my particular place of compulsory slavery today, doing this and that for the other slaves of course. My cage is a mailroom you understand. Anything sacred or desirable comes through me first. Despite this I do not know the secrets of their corporate universe for I am employed as a mere conduit. One of my duties is to assist visitors in finding the knowledge and information they seek so they can go on their way unabated to serve their particular master and “get er done” as it were.
I was helping three women this morning.

Auditors.

Predatory birds of the business matrices. Instinct sharp and a head full of big fucking eyes. They cover their beak with lip stick their talons are meticulously looked after but the trained eye can see the truth. Their claws are soaked in echoer like ink ready to inscribe your mistakes in their clipboard tablets binding them forever in the archives of time! Their maws soaked in the blood of the innocent and unorganized. They do not feed on scraps like their passive avian cousins which we call “Accountants” no. You must be wary around the Auditor.

I was sharp and resolute when they came to me squawking commands of their business. I was doing well under their ever watchful gaze until one ask me a favour.

“Could you fire up the company website so I may instruct you on seeking out some information?”

My reply

“Certainly miss, I would be happy to get it up for you.”

I realized what I said right after I said it. I felt sweat on my brow and I felt my mouth trying desperately not to smile. This was it, they had me. It felt as though their eyes on me were stones grinding my organs to dust. I calmed myself and did the task they asked me to and listened. There was nothing. They were just waiting.
Waiting for what they asked for. The accidental innuendo was completely lost on them, and I felt relief.

Then I heard it, a solitary and silent giggle. It shocked me but it was beautiful. The others didn’t seem to notice. Something happened then that summoned their attention away from me and they were gone. It all happened so quickly. I was almost certainly food for such a comment but I was spared. Spared from Auditor tyranny! This gives me hope.

It gives me hope that an accident somehow sparked something in the most banal heart. A reminder that no matter what foul shape we’ve carved ourselves into over the years and no matter how much discipline we put into our craft, deep down we’re just perverts eager to breed, enjoy it, and laugh about it and this made me happy.

I feel the mixed sensation of embarrassment and amusement still from hours ago when it happened…….

Back to the grind.

I wish Those Bloody Bells Would Stop

2008-05-01T16:45:00.000-06:00

Greetings lads and lass’s, it has been a while and I have been busy.

A lot of things tend to be happening to me which isn’t odd in itself because that happens to most everyone, maybe. I am turning 30 in a month and though it really isn’t a big deal I have come to realize certain things in my 3 decades of existence. I used to be a witch, then I learned certain things about the universe which made me sorta witchy. Then I learned even more about the universe and the people living here among me and suddenly realized I was an atheist because being seriously religious seemed to me very silly. I discovered that people have a lot of potential and with the right ambition can accomplish great and or horrible things just by being themselves. That’s it really.

Things are horrid on the planet because there are people who can’t be arsed to make it better. I’m guilty of this myself in some aspects, as we all are, we can’t help it to a certain extent but if you feel you can help in some situation do it, or don’t it’s up to you. No Cloud King Fucker is going to judge you. Do it for you and yours and live your life however YOU choose because you’re the only one that can change it. The whole of existence is way too complicated to be explained away by a fairytale staring a magical carpenter or other such characters.

I think humans are wicked in their own right, so let’s be wicked and do stuff.

That previous statement of complete vague positivity was brought to you today by the letter P, the number 2 and a complete Lunatic.

And now…..OTHER THINGS!!!

I just finished being in a show called Demonika’s Symphony of Horrors. It was brilliant. I got to play Igor in a Frankenstein fetish set. Also my first major Acting/Performing gig in a very long while. The rehearsals were…well crap for the most part BUT, by the time we all got on stage we actually pulled it off pretty well. I was indeed impressed.
All of the acts that night were fantastic and I have plenty of pictures as many of you have already seen. It was awesome, and I get to MC a show in a few weeks. I’m still undecided about the costume I need some ideas.

My friend Neal and I are friends again which is a good thing as he’s a wonderful bloke. We had a falling out over the New Year but things are alright now. He had some issues he needed to work out but now that those aren’t plaguing him anymore he’s his old self again. Hopefully the future holds many a great tune and good time to be had with this man.

I recently went back to Ontario to visit some friends and attend a big live action role playing convention. The trip was awesome. I got to see tons of old friends I haven’t seen in 2 years since I left and where I was (London) gave me an interesting Nostalgic feeling. It was pleasant. I went to the convention expecting to geek out and spend time with more kick ass friends, especially one I was sharing a room with because every time I’ve hung around her she was just great fun. Something good and unexpected happened during my stay there that I won’t go into, but you could probably guess ;)
Said friend is coming to visit me in a couple of weeks, and I’m overjoyed.
We shall see what happens from there. So yeah, lots of change and new friends, and more…hehehehe…..

Right, now here is a LINK!!

http://www.rathergood.com/val_halal/

Now piss off!!

All I See, Is Infinite Beauty….and Robots…..Beauty and Robots.

2008-01-09T22:22:00.000-07:00

I said I would write again when there were things to tell, and by God there are now! The New Year and a bit before it has brought on a score of change.

Let’s get right down to it then shall we? Good! Steady on!

My friend Kibilz decided he was going to buy a house, and so he did. To help with the mortgage he was going to turn his basement into a make shift bachelor suite that he was going to rent out. Since I loved living alone in Ontario I thought what the hell, I’ll take him up on this wonderful offer and finally have a place on my own after all this time. Jovknee my room mate was not a factor in this decision I just simply like having my own space.
So Kibilz and I have been building this fucking thing for the past month now with the help of our friend Kevin. It’s interesting to watch something like this go up, especially when you’ve never done this sort of thing before. So by February 1st it should be ready, and I’ll have a lair of my own once more!

FUCKING HAZAH!

This did leave Jovknee with the problem of finding another room mate, and I was worried about it for a while but it appears that the situation has been rectified. We shall call her “Mittens”. I have no bloody clue as to why we shall call her that. My friend Rimmy names people in my life. He’s usually good at it. If he doesn’t hit the mark it’s usually amusing so it’s all good.
This new room mate is pretty cool so far and I don’t have to worry any more.
Oh, if Mittens is reading this….you can blame Rimmy when he calls our house…and he will, for the name.

Mittens has a dog and so does Jovknee. The dogs get along great. The often spend time doing the “Canine 500” around the house and let me tell you, dogs + hard wood floors = Comedy gold. They can’t corner worth a damn. The beasts just run around crashing into things and biting each other. I wonder why we as a race don’t do that sort of thing anymore. Maybe we do.
There must be a club where you can do that….

Of course for Christmas I went home to B.C. and spent time with my Mother an Grandmother as always. It was a good and relaxing time…as always. The family I got left are great, simply great. After I got home from that trip is where the serious adventures begin.

My friends Scoob and Pink/Toque (Code names to protect the awesome) just announced they are getting married. WOOOHOOO I say! Conrad’s you crazy bastards! My Friend Gravedigger is apparently having a kid with his wife. I can’t comment on this, because I have nothing nice to say about his wife. It isn’t even amusing, just vulgar so I’ll leave it at that.

The Night if Dec 27th

Gothic/Industrial night at the Soda Night Club called Chimera.
That was a bloody good time. I got very drunk, danced like a fool, and met some kick ass people that I haven’t seen in a very very long time.
I do not remember much of that evening but I saw some pictures. I knew I was having fun because I looked an absolute tit, which is ok I suppose.
I kind of remember escorting some friends to a train station, and I think I got a cab ride home. I’m doing that again the next time it happens.

The Night of Dec 28th

A friend of mine Kat invited me to her house party so it was this night that I went (Her name needs no protection. The Awesome just shines through anyway). The party was fancy dress encouraged so of course being me I went all out in pirate gear! This night was awesome! Kat was a fabulous host, the company was second to none. I had some interesting mushroom tea…that did nothing but was delicious! I drank 20 oz of scotch to myself! I played some music with some people! Things got blurry and twisted until the morning time where the remainder of the guests and I, along with Kat had breakfast and talked about things. With yet another bender under my belt and well sleep deprived, it was time for me o go home and rest as I had another event to go to the next night/that night. Twas brilliant!

The Night of the 29th

A friend from Gore Games Danielle, invited me out for her birthday. A bunch of people having Japanese food to start, then off to the Republik Night club. I clearly haven’t had enough booze for one weekend so off I went! I decided tonight would be a good night to wear the priest collar.
Sushi was pretty good, but a lot of it didn’t agree with me as the scotch from the previous evening made my stomach all fucking cranky. That’s ok; there was booze to be had after. Off to the club! A group of us get there an promptly start drinking like fish. I got some interesting reactions to the collar. Some liked it. Some got their pic taken with me. One girl wasn’t all that impressed with me. Conversation is as fallows.

Her: Are you really a Priest?
Me: I’ll get back to you on that..
Her: Does the shirt help with the ladies?
Me: Perhaps..
Her: You’re not as interesting as I thought you would be.

She walks off. I laughed as she did and thought “Well you are as shallow as I thought you were going to be, so one out of two isn’t bad……cunt..”

The rest of the night was pretty good. Danielle is a peach and her friends are pretty wicked so for not knowing people all that well that evening it went well.

The Night of the 30th

I went to a sea food place called Bookers and ate 8 pounds of Crab. It was a holocaust. Hey I don’t feel bad! What if those bastards try to take over huh? I ain’t takin no guff from something with out a skeleton! So help keep the crustaceans down! That night was sweet. Sweet Crustacean murder! :D

New Years Eve how ever was when it all turned around, as in it was bad.

It didn’t start out bad though. Neal picked me up from work and we ran a few errands that day and generally had a good fucking time. We had just got electronic drums and the general plan was to go up to his cousin’s house and jam for New Years. Fucking brilliant plan! His cousin’s house is out in the middle of nowhere. No one can hear you scream let alone jam. So off we go to Neal’s cousin’s house.
Everything is pretty cool for a while. I get very drunk again as does everyone else which includes Neal, his wife, our friend Elli and Neal’s cousin. Another guy named James or Josh I believe was there along with a couple of other women that didn’t stay for long. I would say “What a pity” but it turned out to be a good thing they left. Josh didn’t leave but it was ok he didn’t. He turned out to be a pretty kick ass bloke. It was a night of joy and merriment for a while but then as I said, it all changed.
Neal has been having some minor anger issues while drunk. It doesn’t happen every time, but every so often they appear, and when they do he usually disappears. Not this time. It started out with arguing with his wife. This argument got really loud and it wasn’t long before Neal had a complete psychotic episode. The man was flailing abuse about the place and didn’t miss an opportunity to hurt someone. Not in the physical sense but in other ways mostly verbal. He managed to smash a lot of things as well including parts of his cousin’s place. We were in the middle of nowhere and no one could hear you scream. Damned right. We waited till he exhausted himself out, talking and trying to joke around for the rest of the time. Eventually we went to sleep but it wasn’t a good sleep. That sort of abuse brings out awful feelings and memories. I know that Neal has his issues, everyone does. You have a choice whether to control them or not, and if you can’t you can bail.
So it was then I decided I wasn’t going to play music or be friends with him, at least for now. That really sucks cause he is an awesome guy and a great musician, but there is shit I just wont tolerate. On top of that he smashed the electronics drums I paid for. It was not a good evening.
We’re civil now and he’s paying me back and he knows what he did wrong so I guess there is that but still, losing a friend is never a good thing for what ever reason, especially when you’re the one breaking it off.

Let us hope the year is better than its ringing in.

When I finally get back to work I got some interesting news. My manager is leaving the company. She’s the one that got along with us great and managed to get us a kick ass raise. Apparently it was like going on a bloody crusade just to get more money for us. She is fed up with her superiors not listening to her and not being able to move the company anywhere. The people running the show are idiots and want things just the way they are, so she said “fuck this” and left. I don’t blame her and ever since she left I felt a sort of apathy towards my job. There is nothing I can really do short of mass murder that can get me fired so, it’s time to start pushing boundaries little by little and see how much I can get away with. It should be a fun few months.

There is something amusing that happened to me the other night.
I was invited to a friend Karla’s birthday. I met her and her friend Sue among a few others at a strip club in the North East. Where else are you gona have a good time?! Jesus!
Anyhow after a while of hanging out, they decide they want to dance, and that’s cool. They want to go to the gay bar and they ask me if it’s ok. I said sure, why not! Buy the ticket, take the ride! So off we go!
Now I must admit, as we approached the place I felt “The Fear”.
That sucks because I thought I was better than that. It was a strange place with people I didn’t know very well and on top of that it was a whole new element but still, why the hell feel fear?! Ah well I swallowed it like a man and went inside.
Now on top of this I wasn’t really in the mood for drinking or dancing. It had been a long week with a lot of drinking and construction of my new flat, so when they asked me to check my coat I was reluctant as I didn’t know how long I was going to stay. I didn’t want to pay the two dollars if I wasn’t staying so I decided I was going to leave. In some weird way I felt defeated but I knew it made sense. As I’m discussing my exit with Sue a small door Nazi explains to me in an ever so feminine lisp that he wants me to either check my coat or leave because he cannot keep an eye on my and the door at the same time. I looked by the door and saw no one. I was clearly a menace to him. So not to upset the gentleman any more I decided to get Sue’s number so that we could all hook up another time. Unfortunately I wasn’t granted enough time to do this. The Door man Nazi was adamant now telling me not to piss him off and to leave immediately or check my coat. It was then I took my queue and disappeared into the night back home.
There you have it folks. First time inside a gay bar and I get kicked out for not checking my coat fast enough. I must be incredibly sexy. Too bad it doesn’t work that way in the other clubs.

I apologize because I know this has been a long post but don’t fret, it is nearly at its completion. My Friend Pam turned me on to yet another awesome thing. Dr. Steel and his wonderful music and message. This man is amazing! He dresses like a mad scientist from the 1940s and his music fits that very description. Pam, I’m your slave forever if you wish it simply for the amount of awesome I’ve been exposed to because of you!

Last thing.

I’m planning my trip to Ontario to visit some friends in March. Its been 2 years, way too long to have myself deprived of my friends wonderful company out there. My heart is filled with so much joy at the thought.

Thanks so much for reading, now go do something interesting instead of reading this dribble! I for one, am going to sleep and am going to dream some dreamy dreams.

I love you!.........maybe……

Low Down

2008-01-03T12:12:00.000-07:00

I'd Write more about New Years and some stuff before that but for now I found a song. It's Lyrics time again and Tom Waits just described my dream girl. H.P. Lovecraft did too.....

I'll show you both here and now. Lets see what you think.

Tom Waits - Low Down

She's a crooked Sheriff in a real straight town
She opened the door shake shake the lights go down
Clover honey and the Jimson Weed
Red leather skirt way up above her knees
Oh yeah, my baby's lowdown

She's a gone lost dirt road
There ain't no way back I been told
Well she's a story they all tell
She's a rebel, she's a yell
Oh yeah, my baby's lowdown

White heat in a cold rain
I'm a mergin here in your mergin lane
Jockey La Fayette, Big Eyed Al
The second hand moon's shining for my gal

She's a big red flag in a mean bullpen
She'll steal it from you, sell right
Back to you again
Well she's a whild rose, she's not settled
Cold gun of ice blue metal
Oh Yeah My baby's lowdown

White heat in a cold rain
I'm a mergin here in your mergin lane
Jockey la Fayette, Big Eyed Al
The Second hand Moon is shining for my gal

She's a cheap motel with a burned out sign
She'll take care of you definitely every time
She got a stolen check book and leg's up to here
Singing into a hairbrush
Right in front of the mirror
Oh yeah, my baby's lowdown

--------------

And now for the second bit.

-------------

H.P. Lovecraft - Nathicana

It was in the pale garden of Zais;
The mist-shrouded gardens of Zais,
Where blossoms the white naphalot,
The redolent herald of midnight.
There slumber the still lakes of crystal,
And streamlets that flow without murm'ring;
Smooth streamlets from caverns of Kathos
Where broodth the calm spirits of twilight.
And over the lakes and the streamlets
Are bridges of pure alabaster,
White bridges all cunningly carven
With figures of fairies and daemons.
Here glimmer strange suns and strange planets,
And strange is the crescent Bnapis
That sets 'yong the ivy-grown ramparts
Where thicken the dusk of the evening.
Here fall the white vapours of Yabon;
And here in the swirl of vapours
I saw the divine Nathicana;
The garlanded, white Nathicana;
The slow-eyed, red-lipped Nathicana;
The silver-voiced, sweet Nathicana;
The plae-rob'd, belov'd Nathicana.
And ever was she my beloved,
From ages when time was unfashioned
Now anything fashion'd but Yabon.
And here dwelt we ever and ever,
The innocent children of Zais,
At peace in the paths and the arbours,
White-crowned with the blest nephalote.
How oft would we float in the twilight
O'er flow'r-cover'd pastures and hillsides
All white with the lowly astalthon;
The lowly yet lovely astalthon,
And dream in a world made of dreaming
The dreams that are fairer than Aidenn;
Bright dreams that are truer than reason!
So dreamed and so lov'd we thro' ages,
Till came the cursed season of Dzannin;
The daemon-damn'd season of Dzannin;
When red shone the suns and the planets,
And red leamed the crescent Banapis,
And red fell the vapours of Yabon.
Then redden'd the blossoms and streamlets
And lakes that lay under the bridges,
And even the calm alabaster
Glowed pink with uncanny reflections
Till all the carv'd fairies and daemons
Leer'd redly from the backgrounds of shadow.
Now redden'd my vision, and madly
I strove to peer thro' the dense curtain
And glimpsed the divine Nathicana;
The pure, ever-pale Nathicana;
The lov'd, the unchang'd Nathicana.
But vortex on vortex of madness
Beclouded my labouring vision;
My damnable, reddening vision
That built a new world for my seeing;
Anew world of redness and darkness,
A horrible coma call'd living
So now in this come call'd living
I view the bright phantons of beauty;
The false hollow phantoms of beauty
That cloak all the evils of Dzannin.
I view them with infinite longing,
So like do they seem to my lov'd one:
Yet foul for their eyes shines their evil;
Their cruel and pitilessevil,
More evil than Thaphron and Latgoz,
Twice ill fro its gorgeous concealment.
And only in slumbers of midnight
Appears the lost maid Nathicana,
The pallid, the pure Nathicana
Who fades at the glance of the dreamer.
Again and again do I seek her;
I woo with deep draughts of Plathotis,
Deep draughts brew'd in wine of Astarte
And strengthen'd with tears of long weeping.
I yearn for the gardens of Zais;
The lovely, lost garden of Zais
Where blossoms the white nephalot,
The redolent herald of midnight.
The last potent draught am I brewing;
A draught that the daemons delight ih;
A drught that will banish the redness;
The horrible coma call'd living.
Soon, soon, if I fail not in brewing,
The redness and madness will vanish,
And deep in the worm-people'd darkness
Will rot the base chains that hav bound me.
Once more shall the gardens of Zais
Dawn white on my long-tortur'd vision,
And there midst the vapours of Yabon
Will stand the divine Nathicana;
The deathless, restor'd Nathicana
Whose like is not met with in living.

------------------

Mix those two things and I'm in heaven...even though Mr. Lovecraft wasn't the sanest indavidual, he paints such a lovely picture with words.

An update is comming soon...until then.......

Meat is Murder..Tasty...Tasty...Murder.

2007-11-15T15:53:00.000-07:00

Not much new to report, except that my Internet station is up an running again. 220 hours of Gothic/Industrial/Punk/Metal/Silliness without repeating a song. Bloody brilliant!

How do you get there? Well..

Go to www.shoutcast.com

Search for "Nightmares, Whispers, and Screams"

Once you find it you can listen. It works better with Winamp than anything else mind.

Other than that, nothing new here except for weariness. I need sleep....

Peace Out Bitches.

Performances, Both Seen and Done.

2007-11-07T15:07:00.000-07:00

Good fucking hell almighty what a month. Chalked full of craziness.

Zombie walk was once again one of the best events I’ve attended all year. A bunch of fellow freaks dressed up as dead flesh eating beasts, and there were about 300 of the fuckers. The organizer tried to make it official but the city fucked him 6 ways from Sunday with the wrong information. Bureaucracy strikes again but we did it anyway and had a good old time. You can’t stop someone from taking a walk.

I then did a week of straight preparation for the fist annual Miss Demeanor and Sick Fuck Productions First Annual Calgary Gore Games, for I was the MC and host. It was to be my first performing gig in quite some time and by God I did not want to fuck it up.
Finally the time came and I was ready. The stage was set, the guests were invited and the blood was ready to flow. At least that’s what we thought anyway.
The turn out was better than we anticipated. None of the people I invited showed up. Now 80% of these people were busy, had a family or had understandable reasons they could not go. The other 20% however, ..well lets just say I have a long fucken memory, and when they want me to show up at something they think is important I’ll just ….see what I can do.
It didn’t matter though as apparently I did a fabulous job.
The one person who did rear his ugly head was Murphy, and he bought his fucking lawyer too. The intro started out great and the bands did a fine job, but the Gore Games went somewhat awry. Nothing noticeable as everyone had fun and didn’t know anything was wrong but we of course had to alter a few things and adlib a few others due to faulty props and things just going as planed. Murphy’s Lawyer even turned the pigs on one of our sponsors. Demonika Clothing was fined for not having some sort of business license.
Absolute bullshit. To add insult to injury I introduced her wrong. I was bound to get something wrong but why that?! I hope she got some exposure and made some sort of profit at least.
All in all it was a blast and I made a good first impression, and I was told I would be used again for something like this. The only real bad noise was a bunch of drunks who kept bothering us by not moving back from the stage. One of them was dressed as a black man and every time I put the order out to get back he and his friends would shout that I “hated niggers”. Ironically I was The Man trying to keep them down but Jesus, was there no decency?
The fools ended up getting kicked out of the place and all was well again, and with any luck those fuckers will earn themselves a Darwin award before they have a chance to breed and fill the world with more ignorant apes.
I even flirted quite a bit with a beautiful young thing, but like a jackass, I didn’t take her home although that turned out to be a good thing. The reason I will explain to you in a bit. I went home feeling like I accomplished something good and that I proved to myself and to others that I have talent for the stage. Brilliant.
The reason why not taking the girl home was a good thing, is the next day I woke up ill, that being sick just isn’t sexy. I could have got a number or something though, no excuse for cowards.

Sick or not I would not miss the event that would happen that following day.
I attended Henry Rollins Spoken Word and by God I had one of the most entertaining evenings of my life. That man knows how to tell a story. I would recommend that anyone go see him when he is in town. That man knows what is going on and Henry, I tip my hat to you sir. He does these shows all the time telling a lot of the same stories over a over again no doubt but he had the wicked enthusiasm of the first telling and the energy of a man half his age.
I went home that night very sick, but inspired.

I spent the next half week in a NyQuil coma trying to get rid of this terrible illness but come Halloween I was ready. I dressed up and went to the mall with my friend Kibilz and his family. Their child Sylvan trick or treated around the stores and I scared the locals. A night well spent. I also saw my cousin and his wife doing the same thing. Small worlds.

The next day I managed to hit an event at a club I was invited to. It was the first time in a while they were playing music I really liked there so fun was had by all. I had gone there the Friday before the Gore Games and was sorely disappointed. I won’t say how much I paid to get in that Friday but I will say that for what I got for that amount of money, was raped…and not in the fun sense. I did however meet a friend there so it wasn’t all bad.
The kick ass event at the same club was only 2 dollars to get in, and I had a great time. Perhaps things are changing.
The weekend after Halloween was spent with Neal mostly doing music finally. It’s been a while since that sort of thing has worked. Along with that the night was filled with shenanigans that again I can not tell you about. It’s better not knowing but it was fun none the less.
A while ago I tried to get a ticket to go see one of my favorite bands H.I.M.
Unfortunately the tickets were sold out, and I was very saddened. Fortunately the friend I met on Shitty Rave Friday needed money and sold me her ticket last minute. I was jubilant that this angel gave me the chance to see one of my favorite bands live. I went to the concert yesterday full of excitement. The place was packed with all the Emo, Goth and metal types you would see there. The house was sold out. Very tense. I missed the opening act but that’s ok. I spent it drinking in the beer gardens and taking in the scene. Once the band was done, I finished my beer and headed inside.

I was happy to see H.I.M. after waiting 8 years to do so, but I was disappointed. The show was good. The musicians were talented and in good form. They played a lot of songs I wanted to hear and that was all fine and dandy. The sound sucked. If I didn’t know the songs and the words I wouldn’t have been able to understand the singer. I had that same issue with Dimmu Borgir at this exact venue months ago. The set was relatively short with no encore. That was very the horrid part.
I saw VNV Nation in Edmonton a month earlier and they kicked my ass. They came out for 2 encores and played for a total of 2.5 hours and this was an electronic band.
H.I.M. was a bigger band than them in a lot of circles. Their singer was some what of a sex symbol. VNV Nation just looked like a couple of guys you would have a drink with in the pub. I expected more from H.I.M.
Perhaps someone in the band wasn’t feeling well. Perhaps not. I don’t know but I think that if a show is sold out and you have that many people come to see you, you rock them hard, make them bleed. You don’t play for an hour and fifteen minutes and then fuck off. Even one Half Hour encore would have been great. Still I love the band, and I’ll keep buying their albums as long as they don’t go the way of their concerts.

In the midst of all of this, I managed to forget my Moms Birthday. She forgave me but that still doesn’t absolve it. She knows I love her, and no one forgets deliberately but still I’m an only child with a father gone astray when I was 5. She’s the only parent I have, and I shouldn’t have forgotten.
No one’s perfect though, you take a sad song and make it better.
Naaah Nah Nah Nanananaahh.

I know this was a big update, so thanks for tuning in and God have mercy on you swine!

Putting the Sensual in Nonconsentual.

2007-10-16T12:00:00.000-06:00

I really should do this blogging thing a whole lot more as quite a bit has happened to me in the last few weeks.

I got myself a wicked raise at my job. That's pretty cool I would think as it proves my boss was fighting for me and mine properly.

I am actually hosting a Halloween event as well which should be kick ass.
Although almost no one I know will be there to see it. Now don't worry, I'm not pointing any fingers or anything of that sort because i know people have lives and work. Who ever can make it can make it, and I will appreciate it. It isn't often that you get to see me make a total ass of myself in public.......lately anyhow.

Oh and a note. Most of you will be reading this on Facebook, and as such I just want to let you know that you should not be offended if I don't respond to the many charming invitations to many applications. I appreciate the thought but some of these apps are just a bog down. So in short I still love you all, very very much. You know you want my love in one way or another.

Moving on!

Something happened to my room mate and I yesterday that has me in a bit of a tiff. Yesterday we received a free couch from a friend. Tally Ho! you say! and so did my room mate, so off we go to the outskirts of Calgary for that is where said couch is. My room mate got it as I was at work.
My Room mate got there and was loading the couch into a van when my room mate noticed a big fuck off stain on the side so my room mate enquired as to what this is. it was then that my friend informed him it was cat piss.
Now ladies and Gents, a free couch is a free couch and we did need it, and the couch is fixed by my room mate so most of the damaged stain is gone, however....

It looks really bad when you give someone something and only tell them the flaw it has if they happen to notice it and ask about it. Especially if you are getting it from a "friend". Now it is granted that said friend didn't think about this when offering the couch to us but one hardly forgets the smell of cat piss so I find it very hard to give the man the benefit of the doubt. So it leaves me feeling grateful and pissed off all at the same time which is something some one should never feel as it makes your brain explode.

Also, this weekend I was harassed in a pub by a behemoth of a woman with a face like a bag of smashed crabs, and her overly gay and very annoying son.

Now I'm not going to go into it....but I just want to emphasize......it was emotional... * Shudders* ....and whatever bad things I am or was ever guilty of, are now officially absolved.

Moving right along again.

On the Music front there hasn't been much going on. All band members have currently been hooked up in their own business but this should be remedied at the beginning of November. I'm feeling the urge to write again, which is a good thing I think. There is definitely a change in the wind.

How I love the Autumn.

I'll blog again some time in November to tell you all how it all went.

Remember if you really love someone, set them on fire.

Urges

2007-09-11T16:35:00.000-06:00

Bright sparks in my mind mask everything and they coat my thoughts like falling drops of flaming gasoline. I feel them crawling in my head, and spreading to all parts of my body. I breathe hot steam.
All I can hear is my heart beating, and the steady rush of my blood racing through me.

The want.

The want that reaches out of my skin. It seems like need but it isn’t. I know it isn’t. Pure Want. The want you see in your lovers eyes when you’ve tantalized them so much they ache.
Bound in want and begging for release, ...I hunt for something to release me.

On the street I walk bipedal but my urges, they walk beside me, inside me, on four legs, hunched lupine and angular. Its senses are keen and alert and it tugs me forward on its invisible leash. Prey is plentiful on the crowded street. Their bodies constricting in laughter and breath in the humid eve. Plump, Ripe, and ready to rupture under the fangs of my urges. My senses peak. I can smell their artificial scents trying to mask their own. I can taste their shallow need for a quick fix that they would claim as desire. His fix to get drunk and laid so he can forget about his shitty job for another night. Her need to attain the self perfection as advertised in glossy magazines and tv screens. The subconscious knowing she can never have it, and the envy for others of her sex she believes does.

Trivial.

What they really want is deep inside, sleeping and hidden manifesting itself as petty frustration or small acts of “justifiable” cruelty.

Her aroma nearly knocks me off balance as I see her walking in my direction. My urges are centered on her visage. I get closer and closer to her. My walk is steady but my urges have the aims of a beast. An aim to stalk, to lunge, to ravage and slake the deep hunger and quiet the longing thirst.

Then I sense it. I smell it. I really smell it as she walks by. She has them too. Urges. I feel hers course through me all of a sudden. They tingle and arch through my body like bolts of electricity starting a fire in my mind. As she steals a glance of me she exhales her breathe on to my neck and it mixes with my sweat. I feel it start to weaken me, until I see her smile as she looks back at me and then I feel my strength return ten fold, and my urges howl inside me.

As I watch her walk through the crowd, a wind blows through her hair and it sends me a sweet hint of her scent. I salivate as I turn in her direction and a guttural growl escapes my lips. There is an ere of crispness in the air, the scent of the rural wild cutting through the stifling smog, city light, all matter of noise pollution and rotting concrete.

It’s going to be a good hunt……

Ah God. Give Him an Inch, He’ll Take Infinity

2007-07-18T14:20:00.000-06:00

It has been a while people so I am sorry for not posting sooner, although it isn’t as if I’ve gotten any comments anyway.

Things have been very busy, and it seems it was spring just a minute ago and now tis summer. As much as a lot of others are into this season, I’m not all that partial to it. I like it don’t get me wrong but it certainly isn’t my favorite. I really do like fall and spring the best.

And now it’s time to talk about something that pisses me off. I like this stuff :D

I do have certain beliefs and theories as to why this whole universe thing is around and I can understand how people especially in large groups can believe in something like this too. I can even understand preaching it, as when you think an idea is great you want to share, fair enough. I really can’t stand it though when people are arrogant enough to believe that this idea or story is the one true idea or story and refuse to believe anything else presented to them. That’s annoying.
It’s when the killing starts that you really got to wonder. If you murder over something/someone that may or may not exist, you’re madder than a sack of badgers.
Using this belief to try to dislodge another idea, even if there are facts to prove it is also a load of dingo’s kidneys.
This is why I think it’s comedy gold, when a suicide bomber misses all targets.

ISLAM IS A BLAST!!

Ha..

I don’t blame Islam or Christianity or any other faith for it’s atrocities. I blame the people.

Blame not the band, blame the fans. Any great dogmatic or political ideal has been ruined by….

People.

Some people say that if only we would follow the true teachings of “insert random fictional being” we could learn to live in harmony. Or how if we saw the enlightened view of “Whateverism” we could govern ourselves right.

Well ladies and gentlemen, it doesn’t matter what shape the cookie cutter is when the dough is rotten.

As long as the Vatican is covered in gold and children are starving, it isn’t gona get any better.

We got to stop believing and looking to deities for help and realize the potential of being a human being. Am I saying that these deities don’t exist? No. How could I?
But when it’s an equally weighted argument that they do exist, well it gets a little shaky for me.
These ideas and stories are great, and can teach us many useful things about life. But people take them too seriously, and their belief and faith start becoming excuses for their individual desires. And fair enough, I’m guilty of the same things. But there is a certain point when you have to say “Isn’t this just a bit ridiculous?”
Jerusalem for instance is a great example. Quit killing people over dirt. The Jesus did the whole martyr thing for the lot of you so you can all have a piece, if you believe in that sort of thing. How very convenient it is that the Jews don’t believe Jesus was the Messiah now eh? Ah well.

I recently found Pat Condell. This man says it all really. I think I like him. Click on his name to view some vids and if you want to see his homepage click here.
I hope I get to meet this man before he is shot by a religious lunatic.

Now I know some of you would say to me, or not, “How can you endorse this guy when you are semi religious yourself, with the calling yourself a witch and wearing the pentacle around your neck and what not?”

I’m not really religious to tell you the honest truth. I don’t believe in deities. It’s mostly just an aesthetically pleasing way of living my life. I believe in evolution, I believe in the power of SCIENCE!!! And I believe in the power of AWESOME!!
I took a lot of things from Wicca but I wouldn’t say I’m a Wiccan. The message Wicca says has already been said in older religions. Wicca itself is only about 50 – 60 years old.
There are some traditions and what not that stretch back farther of course but actual Wicca isn’t that old. The message being: Do What You Will as Long as You Do No Harm. So My beliefs are just a way of living my life. Anything with even a breath of life deserves respect, a.k.a. don’t just kill a bug when you can put it outside, that sort of thing.
Do Unto Others how ever the hell you want, just know they can do the same. That is pretty much the extent of it really. The pentacle I wear is just a symbol I like, and I like some of the things in represents. It can represent being a friend to the Earth. It can represent protection. It can represent rebellion and free will if you wear it for satanic purposes. There are many others as well. I don’t need it, but I like to have it, and I like the look.
When it comes to “magic” I don’t believe in the traditional sense of the word. I perform rituals and spells but I view them a little differently. Human will is a powerful thing. Just look at your surroundings and you can see it anywhere you go spinning around you. The cars that whiz by, the food you just bought from the store, the movie you just saw, all of it. All a product of someone’s will, and if you’re determined you can add yourself to the mix. You already do on a small scale anyway. You effect and change things just by existing, but if you want to pro-actively change something, then go and do it! You have the power! Spells and ritual help me in the same way that Katas help you in martial arts.

The spell or ritual doesn’t do the work for you; it helps you focus your energies towards whatever you want to do. I’m not doing magic; I’m doing an exercise to focus my will.
I like the traditional sigils and runes and candles and all that, but that’s only because that’s my style. You can do anything you want to accomplish this as far as I’m concerned. Whatever helps you focus is all good. Sometimes I do a ritual as a ceremony for a solstice or if someone passes on or if I wish to just send good thoughts someone’s way. I’m not really sure if this does anything or not, but the human mind is a powerful thing and all in all it can’t hurt. That’s as superstitious as I get I’m afraid.

Live the life you want to live. It’s in Your power. You don’t need a deity. If you find you do, then have the wisdom to know others don’t.

In less philosophical news The Gypsy has left my work. She got a job somewhere else, a better one, and good on her. I won’t get to look at her sweet……er……well let’s just say she was a treat to have around and has contributed to the wonderful filth in my mind.

On the Music front, Neal’s Cousin came in from Boston and has now joined the band. Not sure what to call him on here yet, but I’m sure I’ll find something. Anyhow, he’s a great addition. Now if he can only stop working 15 hours a day and 7 days a week we might be able to accomplish something concrete. He needs to though in his defense to save up for what he wants and get his feet on the ground. Until then we do what we can and party, very hard. We get practice in there too sometimes. The sounds that we create while jamming are phenomenal so it’s going to work out.

At a risk of being a little vain here, I put myself on this site so rate me if you like lol.

So since this is already a long post I’ll just sign off for now. It’s good to be back.

I'm Building My Tolerance to Rejection, So Can I Buy You a Drink?

2007-05-16T18:20:00.000-06:00

Hey folks. I know it's been a while but, here I am once again. A month goes by so fast let me tell you, and oh the adventures.....the adventures......

The Music Front...

Neal and I have been hard at work trying to put together a CD, Hard at work meaning drinking quite a lot, and doing silly things in pubs and what have you. Seriously though between my vacation and Neal going to the states to train we simply could not get anything done, especially when we spend most of are time being silly, and drunk in pubs.
Well he got back....and things kind of started springing along. We finally have a 3 song disc for 2 of our bands. That's right folks, one of each and we're submitting it to a contest at a local radio station here. As soon as the discs are ready we'll see which one we want to submit to all of you fellow peeps. Hooraay!

Now music isn't just about music, oh no! There are antics and weekends of debauchery as well!

Allow me to share with you now, some of our more glorious moments.

We apparently have groupies even though we're not famous, one Being Neal's now wife( I did the ceremony) and her sister, who we will call Typhoid......thank you Rimmy...for that one.

Many weekends have been spent, using paint to colour ourselves, getting make up put on us, dressing in drag, being silly and drunk at pubs, video taping the lot. This may or may not of happened, and or not in that order, in fact order as it were has nothing to do with the weekends I spend at Neal's house. At one point, I may, or may not have, been very sexy in a dress we found in a bag of clothes destined for the bin or good will. I may or may not, have had my whole face done up in make up, lipstick and all, and named Cancer Bitch, due to my staggeringly pretty face, but bald head.
I may or may not have slept with a lot of people these past few months, including Neal. Some of this may or may not be total fiction, those who know me will know what is and what isn't. Those who think they know me, will be absolutely right in what ever conclusion they come to. Those who have seen the photos, are dead and are not reading this....maybe.
I may or may not have made this entire thing up just to mess with your wonderful heads.

But this story......is true.

Out one night with Neal, and his wife, and his Friend who we should call....Timorous Beasty.
Timorous Beasty is a woman Neal has known for several years now. She is awesome.
We all went to A Bar Named Sue. Yes that's the name of the bar. Its an old country/rockabilly place is it kicks the nipples off a shark! In other words...it's fun. While there we were drinking and being silly, and a few people were doing sets on stage before the main band came out. Well we asked if we could perform and behold we did! It was terrible, but funny and we got lots of laughs and clapping. Timorous Beasty doesn't get out much, but when she does, she makes it memorable let me say so. Neal and his wife are in their own world as per usual and I get chummy with TB. Friendly but not too friendly. It was nice.
She gets completely hammered off her nuts and I offer to walk her home, as her house is 3 blocks away. She holds on to me telling me how great I am for befriending Neal and how Neal and his wife are awesome together and what not and I listen and laugh and help her into her place. I do. She falls over.

I pick her up as she says she wants to smoke, so I let her do so as I use her facilities.

I sit in her bathroom feeling the cool wind from her open window, and she's mumbling something and can't make out what it is but there is suddenly a sound that I can make out very well.

THUMPTHUMP!

Ah...she fell...again....I'll see to her when I'm done....

Then I hear from the street, Neal calling my name and asking me to let them in. I say I will as soon as I help TB to bed. I finish my business, and I get out of the bathroom to find...yes...TB on the floor. I pick her up and put her in bed. I let Neal and wife in and TB wakes up and is jolly with us for a while. The energy doesn't last however, and she passes out. So Neal and I both attempt to grab her yet again and put her into bed, but this time she wasn't having any of it. She started the struggle!! She wants to play fight/wrestle with the last bit of drunken energy she has left. Now in her room we wrestle and Neal decides he's giving up and goes to see what his wife is up to.
I keep trying to get the Beasty pinned, and I do...but not for long. We end up rousing such a ruckus, that those not in the room may miss construe what was happening in the room. Neal takes his wife and leaves.

We fight...and fight....I pin her...she bites me.......I pin her...she bites me......repeat this until finally she relents...and I put her once and for all into her bed. Now bruised, scared...and somewhat frustrated in a carnal way.....I stumble away from her abode....
She might like me I think.....and that might not be a half bad thing....

Night ends.

Beasty calls in the morning and we have a lovely breaky and everything is good, except she can't remember what happened the previous night passed leaving the bar...but she knows she woke up in an odd place in her house with her pants half down ( NOT my doing...I remember stuff like that) and being very very sore. I just giggled.

OK now that thats done..I could bitch about work......

BUT I WON'T

not worth it.

Hoped you liked the story...I'm outa here...for now....

Cycles

2007-04-15T13:03:00.000-06:00

I've just rolled out of bed on a Sunday morning, well afternoon anyhow.

I don't think this post is going to be very manic, or very flash. I've just been thinking about my time here in good ole Calgary Alberta Canada. Sorry about all this but I'm afraid this post will have a bit of a down note, I don't know. What ever it is, it's just how I feel...Period.

Today is the last day of a vacation I took from work. Much needed I think since I've been there a year now. I've had time to think and sadly, a lot of it hasn't been good...although I admit some of it has. Nostalgia of this time last year sometimes brings me to my knees, as I was very happy then, not so much now. So I think what I'm going to do is list some stuff that I'm happy about, and list some stuff that's getting me down and see how it balances out.

Always the bad first I think.

Last year..I was very happy with someone...well I mine as well get this out of the way.....

Right about now last year it was a peak of that happiness...and I'm hit with all types of confusion mostly as to why it changed. It doesn't matter. All in all things are done, stuff is said, and all I can do is hope that I was important in some way. Perhaps I still am.

Been at my job for a year, and I must say I like being employed. But over the past year, I've been hit with more responsibilities with less incentive backing it all up. In other words they want me to do more for less. in the past 2 months we got a new manager...who in all fairness kicks ass in attitude..but there are certain things I need that are not being provided.
When I moved into my new place my rent doubled, and 9 months with out some kind of raise is bullshit, especially when I was promised one. This is a bit draining.

I recently visited my family, this will be in the good section as well though.....

My cousin is having an issue with going out of the house. He gets panic attacks when he does. Most of the time anyhow. He's afraid of things, and on a level I can understand it. There doesn't seem to be anything medical related to this as far I saw when I was there, although he does seem convinced that leaving the house is a bad Idea. My Grandmother, who inherited him and his brother when their mother committed suicide right after their birth, is not a fan of normal brain science. She doesn't like any form of pill that messes with your head, and fair enough. I don't like them either, but in some cases, they are very much needed. Unfortunately, if this was the case with my seemingly agoraphobic cousin, he wouldn't get the help he needed because my grandmother is dead set against it. She is all about the "Natural Path" Doctor and the Chiropractic remedies. This wouldn't bother me except for the fact that she believes these 2 types of medicine can fix anything, and to boot, she has slowly conditioned these boys into thinking this as well and that is what I don't like. Not a day goes by where she doesn't remind those kids that they are allergic to something, or not to over exert themselves and go too far away. My grandmother has spoiled these children since day one. They have always eaten whatever they liked, whenever they liked, so they are both overweight. My Grandmother always told them its a "Medical issue" and they are out of breath all the time because of "Asthma"
The first time they went to school they were teased and made fun of, so Grama took em right out..and they've never been back since...gifting them with a sheltered existence..save the Internet.
Wow this is a bit long......so...to the point....

My grandmother doesn't want to be alone, and this fear helped my cousins to manifest.....and even talking to him about his issue, there wasn't a time that my grandmother didn't but in, saying he was "still sick from the flue and the virus" or how "so many allergies are in the air and that for right now it's best for him to stay in anyhow"
I wanted to help but realised I couldn't. Speaking against my Grandmother isn't a good thing..one of her daughters tried it, and is now dis owned. Out of the 4 children she had, one is alive and in good graces...and that's my mom. 2 are dead from suicide, and the other is dis owned.
It didn't help things when I found out my agoraphobic cousin has stated thoughts of self ending because of his issues.
All of this brings me down a bit...to say the least. It puts stress on my mom and I knowing that Grama doesn't have a lot of time left...and guess who get to take care of these boys when she goes. Not to mention her compulsive gambling, which is leading to the extinction of the family estates and money.
My Grandmother of course, could stop all of these things....but won't..and that's the one thing people do I loath. Knowing something is wrong and doing nothing.

Well.....got that off my chest.....now time to switch..to some of the awesome things that have happened to me.

I've gotten to see my mom more this year than in the few years previous and that's made both of us happy.
Despite the job sucking, I'm rolling on my own steam.....took long enough but I'm there. For a long time I was leaching off the family estate to live, and then for a while I was receiving disability money from the government for my eye sight...but no more. To some that isn't much. To me it's almost everything.

I'm in a fookin BAND and things are sounding great! I honestly believe we're going to make it somewhere...if by chance we don't, I still met Neal Visher...one of the best Friends anyone can have. If you want to hear one of out completed songs...click HERE!

The reason I was happy last year...and not so much now....apologised for the caused hurt.
Took a while, but it is good to know that I was important and that my effect was positive, and that positivity didn't waste away.

I also have new prey I chase......the hunt so far is uncertain....so who knows...but I know this.

I like hunting......and my prey is proving good sport.....

I'm alive, I'm healthy, and I'm surrounded by the best.

That puts everything into perspective :)

Thanks Everyone......

Revelations 78:06:02

2007-03-16T15:59:00.000-06:00

I've discovered a truth, something I had never contemplated before, a connection if you will of certain facts. How I thought of this is not important, the point is I was the one chosen to come to this conclusion.

I have a list comparing women to Gods, comparing the similarities between the two. It was shocking as to how many I had so here for you now I have the list.

Enjoy

Why Women are Similar to Gods Of Olde

1. Need Constant Worship lest you face a fate worse than death

2. Require occasional sacrifices, mostly blood

3. Countless tales and songs about them
Gods = “She will come on a flaming chariot and deliver us to bloody glory”
Woman = “Baby Went and Ripped my Heart Out”

4. Great, Horrendous, and Stupid things have been done in their name.

5. An Alter is provided to give homage and offerings (Jewels gifts est.) , the only difference is Gods have a stone alter, women have their bodies.

6. They love and hate with equal passion and the smallest of things can set off either

7. Gods are rumored to create all things living. Women give Birth.

8. When the Dark Gods are angry, the world is plagued with natural disaster. When a Woman is angry, it feels very much the same.

9. The Gods work in mysterious ways…..need I finish the comparison?

10. Copious amounts of blood have been shed over Gods and Women alike. (Examples = Gods-Various Crusades Women = Fall of Troy)

11. Serve the Gods/Women well and you will know bliss beyond measure……So They Say…

12. They are master of all things. Never forget this.

13. If you’v done something to make them hate you, they’ll never let you forget it; there will be no mercy, just endless shades of suffering.

------------------

There you have it.......The Gods are among us.
Lord knows I've spilled offerings on a few alters in my day....but you don't need to know that.

What you need to know is this.
The Virgin, The Lover, The Mother, and the Crone.....they're all among us....and once I find a God that works for me, I'll be the most dedicated Holy man.

Blessed Be

If I Was a Fish, I Would Invent The Expression, "Drink Like a Fish" That Way I would Not Be An Alchaholic, I'd Be a Fish

2007-02-22T16:09:00.000-07:00

Anyhow

Things are about the same as my last blog, except a bit more deviant, and you all don't need to know about it. Instead though, a Fiend of mine sent something through the e-mails, now I didn't want to send another mass e-mail cause I hate them(no offense to sender). I figure I'd just post it on here instead, and yall readers can post your answers if you like, even though you won't cause no one reads this thing anymore,

Fuck you all for that by the way.

1. What is your occupation? Musician/Shipper Receiver/Freelance Concubine
2. What color are your socks right now? White, but I’m not racist.
3. What are you listening to right now? Fields of the Nephilim - Reanimator
4. What was the last thing that you ate? …She was……Devine….
5. Can you drive a stick shift? My bread is not buttered on that side thank you kindly.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? What ever colour Iggy Pop would choose, I’m not racist.
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Rimmstalker, AKA The Bishop
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? No Choice!
9. How old are you today? Old enough to know myself, Young enough to know fuck all about the world and its workings.
10. Favorite drink? What’s your girlfriends name again?
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Sex, The Sneaker Pimps say it’s just a bloodsport.
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Black and purple, and now clear.
13. Pets? A Cat, a fucking fat cat, and again, your girls name?
14 Favorite food? My Enemies
15. What was the last movie you watched and did you like it? Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and I was entertained, not the best flick in the world but, ah well.
16. Favorite month? The Spring and Fall ones
17. What do you do to vent anger? Not what…who..I’m sensing a theme…
18. What was your favorite toy as a kid? Ghostbusters!!
19. What is your favorite, fall or spring ? See #16
20. Cherries or Blueberries? Ice Cream!
21. Living arrangements? I live inside my head.
22. When was the last time you cried? I cry all the time depending, I’m passionate I guess.
23. What is on the floor of your closet? Gnomes! They’re Chained up, and don’t get to leave till they make me a god damned time machine!
24. What did you do last night? See # 17
25.Favorite smells? Woman scent, fake or real/Camp fire/Fear
26. What/who inspires you? Change/Learning/Endorphins
27. What are you afraid of? What I might become
28. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Witches Tit(Contrary to popular folklore, they aren’t cold, they’re warm and soft and taste of moonshine dust)
29. Favorite breed? Red Head
30. Number of keys on your key ring? 6
31. How many years at your current job? 1
32. Favorite day of the week? The ones I don’t respect myself on
33. What states/provinces have you lived? B.C./Alberta/Ontario
34. Favorite holiday? Halloween …..DUH!!
35. Ever driven a Motorcycle or heavy machinery? Just Your mom
36. WHO ARE YOU~(YOUR NAME)- Non Compos Mentis –Always, and Never

Moving on, Here is the Thing!

Dear, You Put The VD in Valentines Day

2007-02-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

I only have these words to share with you on a day like this, and they are not even mine. I think the words of Nick Cave are appropriate.

-------------------

Get Down get down Little Henry Lee
And stay all night with me
You won’t find a girl In this damn world
That will compare with me

And the wind did howl and the wind did blow
La la la la la
La la la la lee
A little bird lit down on Henry Lee

I can't get down and I won't get down
And stay all night with thee
For the girl I have in that merry green land
I love far better than thee

And the wind did howl and the wind did blow
La la la la la
La la la la lee
A little bird lit down on Henry Lee

She leaned herself against a fence
Just for a kiss or two
And with a little pen-knife held in her hand
She plugged him through and through

And the wind did roar and the wind did moan
La la la la la
La la la la lee
A little bird lit down on Henry Lee

Come take him by his lilly-white hands
Come take him by his feet
And throw him in this deep deep well
Which is more than one hundred feet

And the wind did howl and the wind did blow
La la la la la
La la la la lee
A little bird lit down on Henry Lee

Lie there, lie there, little Henry Lee
Till the flesh drops from your bones
For the girl you have in that merry green land
Can wait forever for you to come home

And the wind did howl and the wind did moan
La la la la la
La la la la lee
A little bird lit down on Henry Lee

--Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Henry Lee

--------------------

Happy Lovin or what ever it is you humans do now a days.

And now for you Educational Ghetto Moment

Jimmy Hat!

It Keeps da AIDS away
Slip it on da pink harpoon
And boogie all damn day!!

Why is it that 18 Year Old Girls Have Way More Tattoos Than I do?

2007-02-02T16:24:00.000-07:00

…And please for Gods sake don’t ask me how I know that…It’s been an interesting few months…

HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES!!!!!!

I sure hope it will be for us all. Lets see, I know it’s been a while so let’s start with……

New Years Eve.

I thought New Years would be a problem for me, as New Years the year before was somewhat, … . . .Eventful lets say. But I was alright, I had a lot of fun and met some interesting people, some I chased until I got a chance to pounce, some I didn’t, but that is yet another story.
The night was a blur though, I remember my friend and band mate Neal putting Jagermeister in my Jameson Irish Whisky, and then……nothing……

So….fun night all round.

NEXT!

Work has been work, but some things have happened there. Work Wanker continues to strive for the #1 Lazy Cunt award, and I’ve been here long enough that it seemed like raise time. I asked my supervisor if this was possible, and she said the Head Honcho’s from Ontario were coming to see us and that she would ask on my behalf. I was excited.
The next day I got some interesting news.

No Raises…..ever….and my Supervisors wage was being cut by .50c.

Well you could just imagine how much we were fuming at that, well it turns out the next day they decided to change their minds after we reminded the eastern bastards that we could find a job here with at least double our salary in less effort than it takes fry a sausage….in HELL!
So I am getting a raise, and my supervisors wage isn’t getting cut, which is brilliant.

Other than that, nothing much going on that front.

AND!?!?!

Neal and I, are going to have a disc completed by April! Woooo!
We have about 12 out of 20 potential songs finished. But Neal keeps on making more tunes, and they’re good! So it’s hard to concentrate on the ones we’re already doing.
So if anyone wants a copy of our fine tunes, leave a comment! I’m excited!!
Man we’re already starting to live the rock and roll lifestyle and we’re not even popular. We have groupies! Well one of them is Neals girl, but Neals girl has a sister. So we get together and have a few dozen drinks and weekends are, slightly odd but damn fun!
One night Neal let me and his girls sister use his room…..TO SLEEP IN!! …yes….that’s right……

Anyhow we hear him doing something to the door, so Sister Girly goes to check it out and I hear this…BLAM!!!..”OOOWWWWW GOD DAMN!”
Neal was doing mischief with the door, not sure how but the above antics ensued 4 more times! So we would hear scratching, Sister girl gets annoyed, she gets up to see what’s going on and BLAM!! “ OOOWWWWW FUCKEN HELL”
Neal got hit by the door about 4 times before it finally stopped.
I get up to take the piss in the middle of the morning….so I open the door and……

Clink!

The hell? The door isn’t opening……I look down and notice there is a chain strapped to the outer wall and the door. The Bastard Neal, went and took his security latch off his front door and bolted us inside!

Weird fucker!

I rip it out of the wall and take my much needed piss, feeling odd about the whole shenanigan. Things like this happen when you’re destined to be rock gods I suppose.

On another note…….no pun intended…

WE GOTS A NEW HOME!!!

Well, not really, but here is the story.

You love stories dontcha bitch! Huh?! Yeeaahh you like it……Take it all!!

Our upstairs neighbors, they did a midnight move. Fun stuff….we were glad cause they were annoying and what not, previous blogs have info. If they were a band they would be called “The Absolute Cunts Absolutely”. I know that word didn’t have to go in there twice but I think it accentuates the importance of a particular fact.

They’re Absolute Cunts.

Anyhow they left the place a Mess so Jovknee and I go up to see the place.
It was a disaster, they left the place in pretty bad shape. It’s a pretty nice place though we thought, if it was clean. Jovknee and I got the Idea then to pitch to our landlord, that if the place was fixed to an extent we would take it for them as the place wasn’t a basement for once, and didn’t smell of cat piss.
The landlord agrees.
So now we got ourselves a 3 bedroom house. We’re waiting for Rimmy to take the 3rd room, and then we’ll be unstoppable!! We’re being paid to paint it later and clean it now, so that’s a good thing, it’s just exhausting to move is all, but I believe it’s worth it.

Well I think that’s about it for now, I hope all of my readers are doing well.

And now…for your Educational Ghetto Moment.

Tomatoes

“They be playin you like dey straight veggie and shit…But they is FRUIT BIAAAATCH!!!

And Now, It’s Urithrafranklin! With their new single “Puddle of Goo”

2006-12-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

The only opener I can think of is “Bloody Fucking Hell these two months have been busy!” It’s accurate and to the point, so lets start there shall we?

My friend Neal and I have really been working on the music scene. That meaning, we have a bunch of songs that are almost done but then we get fed up and start on another one. It’s frustrating really, but I know it’s just a matter of time before we finish everything. We almost have an album. There is a bunch of stuff on his computer that is unfinished, waiting to be laminated as it were, so by the next time I blog hopefully we can have at least a demo disc out.
We also started going out to the free jam night at The Soda Lounge, and no it’s not a place where you go to get free Marmalade. The club has a bunch of instruments already set up on the floor, and who ever wants to go up and play can do so. What a brilliant idea if I do say so myself. Neal and I are there almost every time it occurs. I’m either playing the drums or screaming random lyrics into the mic, while a bunch of random individuals plays a song around me. Since I make up the lyrics right then and there, I have sang about a strange tree, and man with out a coat, and the exit sign above the club door.
A great way to exorcise you vocal chords, and have a fuck load of fun doing it. I hope we get a fallowing.

And now, Work Dribble.

The Work Wanker did it again. Things were going so well too, and then he does it. Let me give you an explanation on “it” is. Mail Lady and Work Wanker don’t get along. That’s fine, it happens sometimes. Everything is going alright for a while until work Wanker fucked it up. One morning WW comes in early, so Mail Lady asks him why he is early. Apparently this was not the time to ask him this, as she was subject to yelling and cursing (yes actual cursing) from WW saying “He doesn’t have to take this crap first thing”. Mail Lady, known for having a bit of a temper, is surprisingly calm. She e-mails the head honcho’s and tells them of WW rudeness. The Company SS confronts WW about this. He denied the whole thing. Since there was no one around when the explosion happened, it’s her word against his.
She is Very Angry at this point. She is going to quite now as soon as there is a new Manager. Our old one found a better job and left. She is supervisor until then.
This in turn pisses me off, I like Mail Lady, and I am also tempted to leave as soon as she does. I’ve been giving WW the cold shoulder for quite a while. Ice cold and Razor sharp, he’s confused as to why. Surprised?
I may be looking for a new job soon it seems because of this, and if it comes to that so be it. I’m not being paid nearly enough compared to others with my job in the city.

Well enough of that, let’s get on with the next bit.

Neal had his Birthday party on the 15th. That was fun because I got to spend some time with his crew, got very drunk and made some new friends in the process. I’m finding his group to be a pretty good bunch. I seemed to fit in quite easy, especially with his friend Kevin. Things are looking up I think.

And now a Holiday story Titled “Bogged Down in the Christmarsh”

I went back to B.C. for the Holidays. I must say it was a very cool trip. I preformed a Ritual to celebrate the Solstice and the new year, my way. I’m not a very religious person but I do lean towards things that feel right. This felt right. Sometimes you need to go through the series of a ceremony to get a feeling across, so that is what I did.
Wiccan Rituals may seem foolish and what not, and I haven’t been privy to them in the past so I decided to try it. I made one up on the spot, and you know, it was pretty cool.
I may even do it every year. For those uneducated, Rituals aren’t spells designed to get what you want. Mostly they “help things along”.
It is like a prayer in a different form for some, for me it’s a personal ceremony. It’s a chance to use ritual to connect to something deeper. I’m not sure what that is exactly, be is some sort of deity, (highly unlikely) the universe itself as a whole, or just myself(Most Likely). So I act out a series of movements I believe to be relevant to the ceremony, and by doing that I feel more connected to the feeling and thoughts I want to get across.

Abra Cadabra Bitches.

It works for me anyhow. I came away from it feeling pretty good.
Other than that I ate a whole lot of good food while I was there, and got some pretty neat stuff, as I do every Christmas I’m there. It made my Mom happy that I was with her, even though it was for a short time. It makes me happy to know she is happy.

I’m not sure there is anything interesting left to tell, but all the best to all my readers in the new year, I have a feeling it’s going to be a good one.

And Now, for your Educational Ghetto Moment.

E= MC2

Keepin it Real, … Wit Relativity Yall

A Fun Trip, And A Philosophy

2006-11-15T16:26:00.000-07:00

So I went to Edmonton with Kibilz and his family for a weekend. It was fun, mostly because his little girl Sylvan was with us. She is 5 years old so it was amusing to see her have fun. Hit the Galaxy Land, which is a giant amusement park inside a mall. West Edmonton Mall is one of the biggest fuck off malls ever built, so it’s safe to say that no one from Edmonton shops there. Fair enough, there we are, having a good time. Sylvan wouldn’t go on most of the rides because of the fear, she inherits this from her Dad, more on that in a second, but the rides she did go on she had a blast.
I went on the big fuck off rollercoaster there. Kibilz didn’t because he’s a coward :)
That’s ok, whatever works. That rollercoaster there is pretty fun though, he missed out big time. After going on a few other rides we wandered around the mall and looked at some stuff. We didn’t buy anything really. There were a few cool shirts I could get, but they were way over priced for what they were. I will never spend $100 on a ripped up shirt, no matter how cool it looks. I did find a new Trench coat though, as my old one is falling apart. I didn’t get to buy it due to not enough time spent in Edmonton, but I bought it at the same store here in Calgary when I got back.

I digress

We ate some good food, Shot filthy water at each other in the bumper boats, played some mini golf, and collapsed in our hotel rooms.
The next day we hit the Water Park. I love that fucken place. It’s not a complete rip for an all day pass and the slides are great fun. They also have a bungee jump right above the wave pool. About 106 feet above it in fact, and I thought what great fun it would be to do that. Safe to say the other vacationers thought I was insane. They thought right of course(see later bit of entry…when you eventually get to it..) so after swimming and slipping and sliding, I inquired about how much it was going to cost me to jump 100ft and not die. The price scared me more. $80 fucking dollars man! So I said no to the bungee. Maybe when I’m richer I can be that stupid. Friends even offered to put a few bucks towards it, but it wasn’t nearly enough.

Ah Well.

After this we met up with Scoob and Toque and played more mini golf. This time it was illuminated by black light so everything glowed all wicked. We said goodbye to them and went off to our rooms and rested once again. The next day we left and returned home, all in all was pretty fun…as I said above…..

The day I got home I was spotted in a local mall(to get my coat) by Sprinkler and was attacked. I find when women attack it’s very pleasant, although I am nice to them. If I was mean to them I would hate to see what would happen then.

AMUSSMENT!!

I recently discovered a few things you need in order to live in a world such as ours.
It isn’t a perfect system and is indeed a paradox, but seriously, what isn’t now a days?

Insanity

We are raised thinking there’s structure and a natural order of things in the life we live in.

That is absolute bollocks. When you finish building your house of cards, be it way of life, belief system, or easier route to work, life will come in at one time or another and fuck it up good and proper. There is nothing wrong with that, it’s just life. A lot of people get very angry at this and do some horrible things. The key is to be insane, and laugh a lot because the world is insane and someone is most likely laughing at you somewhere. Take risks! Brave the odds, and trust your instincts when you think you should stop. Yeah you might die so? Everyone does that, it’s just a question of when, how, and how many you’re taking with you, and for fuck sakes stop taking everything so damn seriously. Some people say that there are some subjects you can’t laugh at. Balderdash!
911 for example, is a subject that a lot of people feel they can’t laugh at. Why not?
Sure people died, I understand that. That’s Tragic. The more you brood though the more these terrorists have done their job. It’s more likely that a terrorist will be more offended that their “Statement” has turned into a joke than you will. Isn’t that progress in of itself?
I’m getting off topic anyhow….. You have to be crazy, to live in a crazy world.

Next thing…

Care

In this life you have to care about some thing. Not everything of course(See my next point) but caring about what you live on and the people around you is important.
I know you’re thinking that perhaps not caring is easier, that you can manipulate and use people all your life if you’re good enough and serve yourself. Well you can certainly, but eventually people will catch on, and do the same thing to you in turn. We are all social beings. That’s a glorified way of saying herd, sad but true, and we need each other. Sometimes we need somebody. Somebody to laugh with, somebody to cry with, somebody to drink and hang out with, someone to fuck, and it feels right if it’s genuine.
You have to give a damn about people to have a chance at them giving a damn about you. It isn’t 100% as you are still going to get used in life, but I find it gives you better odds.
I don’t have many close friends, but the ones I do have are fucking brilliant, so the method has worked for me.

Apathy

A friend Neal inspired this one. You have to care, but like anything, you have to know when to stop. Caring too much will wear you thin so know where to draw the line. You can’t do everything and save everyone on your own. Also along this line, some people are complete bastards. You may offend with your words and actions, and sometimes they are right and you may be humbled. I’m not talking about those times though, I’m talking about bastards. If your music is too loud for somebody and it is a decent hour, say noon….fuck em, let them deal with it. If people don’t dig what you wear, shove their opinion right up their ass. Caring is important, but life is too short to care that much.
Find a healthy balance between Caring and Apathy and you’re good.

Suffering

Now some people would like to rid the world of suffering. Not me.

Why? I’ll tell you. Suffering is almost always a learning experience. It’s one of those things that speeds growth a lot of the time. I know it is certainly the case with me. Suffering sucks I know, a lot of things suck in life, but they get better and you move on. And when you do, you’re most likely a better person for it by surviving. Maybe it’s the “goth” in me but I wouldn’t be the person I am today with out suffering. Don’t try to drown it when it happens, it will only take longer to go away. People don’t learn most of the time till they get hurt, so in the long run I don’t think suffering should be abolished. We have a lot to learn yet.

So don’t forgo something just because there is a risk you’ll suffer. Chances are either way you’ll be better for it somehow in the future.

That’s my Rhyme …take it to the streets BIATCH!

And with that, here’s your Educational Ghetto Moment.

Rainbows

It’s just water and light fuckin witcho eyes!

Olive Branch? SNAP!!!

2006-11-07T17:11:00.000-07:00

I’m Pissed.

I have no idea why, although I guess it could be a lot of things adding up.

It’s just one of those days I guess. I just woke up, and was angry at a bunch of things. Things that don’t even really matter to tell you the truth, but when put together maybe it gives me a good enough reason, I don’t know.
One of them though was realizing, after a while that someone that was supposed to be a friend, really isn’t. Now there were signs that this was already happening well before I realized it, I just give too many benefits of too many doubts. I know that about myself.

There was a time not too long ago this person and I were close, but all of a sudden we weren’t. OK, friends it is then….but it really isn’t. Not when 6 months go by without a decent conversation. That isn’t what friends do. I did a lot of understanding. More than most people are willing to do, and some of the reasons given for being so distant, were in a word, understandable. But I don’t care how much is going on in life, there is always time to shoot off a quick e-mail or what not to show you give a good God damn.

That is what I believe anyhow.

I thought that this person was a good friend and maybe in their mind we are I don’t know.

What exactly do we do to deserve this shit? I try to be good…better than most as more than one person will attest to…except one, one that I’ve hurt quite a bit. If this is happening to me because of that well, I get exactly what I deserve I suppose.

I think it is because all people are selfish, some just have differing degrees of it. You need to be a little selfish if you want to get what you want out of life. But it isn’t like this person doesn’t know I exist. At one point I was considered part of this persons family, and now I’m not given the time of day.
I guess when the anger goes away as it does, I’m just left with disappointment and after that I realize it is this persons loss, because basically, I’m fucking fantastic.

I guess this could make me feel a little upset. On top of it it’s just little things. Everyone at work wants everything, all the time, right fucking now, all at once. But that as they say, is just life.

Who knows though, I could be doing the same thing to someone and not know it, but I don’t think so. A lot of it though makes me want to kill….a lot.

I’ll live, I’ll deal. Weeeeeeee

Anyhow, not much new going on really. Neal and I haven’t had a lot of time to record music as sometimes his work schedule get the best of him. That’s ok, we got some good shit down this weekend and hopefully we can use it all in future songs, to be posted of course! We are even going to give an improve spoken word type performance at a club called The Soda Lounge tomorrow night.

Halloween was alright but it was definitely kind of disappointing as well. I had more fun at the zombie walk.

I am sorry about the whining. That is what blogs are for after all but I would like to at least mention something positive. I must go for now. But here are a few things before I go.

Did you know caffeine could cause serious delirium?

And here is your Ghetto Educational Moment

“Penicillin……….It’s MOLD BITCHES!”

I’ve HAD it, with these Mothafucken Zombies, on this Mothafuckin Train!!

2006-10-18T16:40:00.000-06:00

Greetings all.

I think I just had the most fun weekend I’ve had in a long time.

Zombie Walk 2006 was this weekend and I had me a good ol’ blast. The day progresses thus ..

My band mate and I get up and work a bit on a song when we realize it’s getting very near zombie time, so we zip off somewhere to get some rope. I ask what he wants rope for, and he replies” I need it to make a noose”.
Fair enough I say and off we go to a hardware store we get rope, go back to the apartment and start getting all dead looking. Neal did something great, he took the rope and put a coat hanger in it, so when he was done it looked like the rope was sticking right up in the air, well, the rope that wasn’t around his neck anyhow. Then he tied a tree branch to the top…..very nice! He even one a Prize later that night at the after party.

Here is a pic of us.

Here is a pic of me.

No that isn’t my girl, I’ve been getting that question a lot. That little lady belongs to my friend Scoob….lucky sod!
She had to get her pic with me when she saw how I looked though….but we’ll get to that part soon. Anyhow we get all jazzed up and we end up being almost late so we call a cab.
Cabby doesn’t blink an eye at zombies getting in his cab…especially one with a rope around his neck defying gravity. He must have been through a lot. We are driving along when this native lady just…walks into traffic.
After cabby screeches to a halt the lady taps on the window and asks, “You got a light?”
Cabby says “ No Sorry”
She says” FUCK YOU!”

Huh

Well we drive away…she got off luck, some other poor sod would have said “Fuck Me?! FUCK YOU!” and then proceed to nail her with a car door.

We get there and see the spectacle. Over 800 people showed up to shamble downtown for a few ours in their best zombie gear. As Dr. Who would say…

FANTASTIC!!

We started the walk….and the reactions were great, a mixture of horror and uncontained amusement. We hit 8th Ave and we see the McDonalds there, and before you knew it, everyone was pressed against the window moaning and chanting BRAAIINSSS!!!

After that we kept on walking, and you can find pics of us doing this here.
We shamble up all the way to 17th Ave here in Calgary. Some car ended up honking at us. You can tell he was annoyed, but it was our light so I don’t know why he did it, but man, that’s the WORST thing he could have done. The last thing you want is for a bunch of zombies to pay attention to you, and so a bunch of them did….we over and surrounded the car…moaning and being disgusting. No Vandalism or anything though, we were good.

The walk continued for a bit more and then like that it was over. Scoob and his girl showed up and took the pics you see before you.

….or so you think it was done, most of us just kept on going. We passed by a shop that had a sign that said “No Shirt No Pulse No Service” and then we all wandered through the foyer of the Science center, after all this we all shambled on to the C-Train. Then someone shouted the title of this blog. YAY.

It was shortly after that…that the walk was over, the dead dispersed and all was relatively normal until that night when we all gathered at the Warehouse night club for the after party. I danced for 3 straight hours with some lovely dead women. I met someone I hadn’t seen in a very long time and almost got stung by some sort of creature that had the facade of a woman…I think you all know the kind I mean…they are spawned by, The Valley….I still hurt from that evening…but it was a blast.

On another subject, my band mate and I have completed another tune it seems. I’ll have a link to it as soon as it is ready. It is Neal’s song, I only contributed about 10% of the work but it was still a good time. We had to get it ready for a contest, so Neal isn’t too happy with the end result, as it was rushed a bit. I think it is still a great tune, even if not finished to his standards. We will have time to fix it though.

On yet another topic, I’ve been having dreams…

I didn’t use to have many dreams and the ones I did have were fun. That is until a couple of years ago when I had me a premonition about a friend of mine and his crappy girl friend situation before I even knew about it. That dream was different as it was strangle vivid. It might have been a fluke or my subconscious because I don’t believe I’m psychic. Well, not more than anyone else.
I’ve been having dreams about someone I used to be with. Now I don’t really have to go into what actually is happening, lets just say I was getting over it and thought I was over it. As far as I know I still am but then these fucking dreams happen. Now picture you were with someone but not anymore. Now picture the worst case scenario, what would make you feel most ill to your stomach. I dreamed that. Then another night I dreamed about the best scenario, if things had never split sort of thing.

Now I hope I stopped having premonitions back at the first one. Seeing the Future is shite, good or bad. Either dream made me wake up with a knot in my stomach, like some venomous creature bit me. I felt ill in the heart as well as in the body. I felt the same for each dream, just for different reasons. I mention the venomous creature because like venom, the feeling of the dream stays with you the whole day.
As far as I know I’m over this person. I was doing just fine until the dreams started. I have thought of some reasons that might make sense.

1. A Slice of Beef or cheese…an ill begotten potato.

2. I’m psychic ( this is highly unlikely and since I had dreams about the 2 very opposite sides of the scale…which one is true? Perhaps both? I don’t care, I just don’t want any more. )

3. (the most likely) Its my brain shocking me into really getting over the whole thing.

I know that sounds kinda weird but I always believed one of the things we most learn from is pain. It’s certainly true for me. It’s part of the cycle of healing and I believe you have to go through a little pain to get through anything important in life.
Perhaps my brain is hitting me with extremes and making me stare things in the face so I can get over them and accept them, because I want to be happy, and I want her to be happy and that is that. Things will work out for the best no matter what happens.

But no more bloody dreams!!

They are turning my insides to Swiss cheese!!

Anyhow, That’s all I got for now. Thanks for tuning in.

And Now Here's The New Hit Single From BiPolar Bear "When I Fell For You, I Fucked Me Leg Up"

2006-10-01T14:02:00.000-06:00

Hey kids. Short and sweet today I'm afraid.

My Band mate Neal just sent me one of our jam sessions, and BYYYYY GOLY it's actually pretty good......for a jam session anyhow. Its about 12 minutes long.

This is the result of our colaborations over the past few weeks. Fell free to tell me what you think of it.

Click on THIS! if you want the MP3.

Yay October....been 2 years blogging now..how fun is that.

OK remember this is a Jam session...... I'm playing Bass, Neal is playing Guitar, and drums are being played by out drum android MR. KRIEG!!!

If you don't like that.....you might like this. It's what crazy people here in their head ALL the time.

Thats it for now...enjoy...or don't.....

Sexy is Expensive, So I’ll Be a Cheap Tramp Instead

2006-09-26T17:11:00.000-06:00

RIGHT!!!

Let’s get down to the good stuff!

SIN

LUST –

I’m having extremely naughty thoughts about a woman at work. Well I have those about a lot of women at work…and on the bus….but there is one woman that I call The Gypsy that is looking better and better every damn day. Bulgarian accent, dark and slim……well, lets just say if Caligula was still around and he found out what I was thinking about, he would have me killed for upstaging him. She is married with a child though, not sure if it is happily or not. Ah well. The Gypsy in my head is probably kinkier anyhow. MMmmmmm

WRATH –

I vented pretty good on my last blog so I’m going to mention something local.
My bloody minded upstairs neighbors. Real wrath seems to come out on the petty things these days anyhow. I have a father and 2 teenagers living above me. The father is this giant fat fuck, who always claims his back is killing him cause of an accident he had a claim on. I’m not disputing he had one or that he hurt his back, I’m just saying that I think he plays it up a lot more than he needs to. He himself isn’t really a bad guy but he’s lazy, we know this because his kids are lazy and his dog is untrained. This dog, Rocko, likes to jump on people and knaw on them for fun. He’s not mean you understand, he just want to have fun rough like. He tore out my room mates screen outside his window. No compensation from lazy fuck. His kids blast fucken Rap Music all the time, and the house vibrates, slightly annoying.
They also leave their clothes on the laundry room floor, so much so that we walk on em. We could make a path but we don’t, cause if you’re going to leave cloths on something made for walking on….then well by golly I’m going to walk on it.
That was kind of lame, so for real wrath, felt by my room mate Jovknee, see “FUCKING ORIGAMI” Don’t parents teach their kids not to be stupid anymore?

PRIDE –

This music thing is working out pretty good actually. We are currently working on 2 songs of his(The man who I hooked up with to play) Neal Visher we shall call him, and we have a few of our own. Putting our minds to things we can produce, considering I’ve been to his house 3 times and each time something new and cool was recorded. Jam sessions and demo’s but still something was done. Now to structure some songs. Neal is planning on entering a music contest and we have to have the songs done by the 16th of October to enter, so by then I should have links to the actual songs we make. Now I must write lyrics though, it’s proving harder than I thought but its coming.

SLOTH

OH OH OH Laaaazyyyy

You Drive Me Craaaazy

This love is Haaaaaazyyyy

So let me go….

-Love and Rockets-Lazy

My room mate and I live in what you might call…a complete shit hole.
Actually its decent but we have no room for anything, and the walls are thin. We also don’t like cleaning. I noticed recently that there was an odd smell in the bathroom. I looked down and it appears our shower has been evolving. Mold in basements is bad and we want to clean it we really do…but we don’t….I’ll try to get some cleaning done tonight instead of playing that bloody video game.
Since this is a SIN post, guess what I’ll be doing tonight, go on, you’ll never guess ;)

ENVY –

A friend of mine has a kick ass job, and by that I mean it pays bloody well, and he recently told me about it. He described a lot of the things I do at my job except there is a considerable pay difference, although he told me to give him a resume, there is PROMISE there!!

GREED –

First, see ENVY, Give me the Casssshhhhhhhhhhh!
Second there is so much music equipment that I want to get with that cash. An electronic drum set to start, and a hell of a lot of mixing equipment. Yay for earthly possessions.

GLUTTONY

*See LUST, except add red wine and carrot cake with cream cheese icing.
There is nothing better than smelling like and being covered in girl sugar and having those 2 things. I don’t think you have to ask what girl sugar is…but if you do it won’t be revealed here….e-mail me or something.

I’m not exactly sure what’s going on with me at the moment……maybe it’s the fact that I stir my tea with a letter opener…..glue residue and what have you.

Either way, was an interesting way of telling you things.

Until next time, Keep your friends close and your enemies eaten.

MMMM……Enemies…

Giz Yo Wallet or I sic My Peeplz At You!

2006-09-19T16:12:00.000-06:00

It has been a while since I have blogged I know that, but this one is going to be worth while. Go get some coffee or popcorn or what ever you like because this one is a dilly. I have several things to rant about. These things fit into categories suck as, The Bad, The Annoying, and the Reasonably Good.

First off though, How are all of you doing?

If you are doing well then excellent! Well done.

If you are doing fine well…er…Keep it up.

If you are alright but not really leaning towards anything, have some fun. It will cheer you up.

If you’re feeling like crap I apologize and feel free to tell me to mind my own bloody business. Of course, I won’t hear you…probably better that way…..

ANYHOW!

The Bad – Some Topics

911

It has been 5 years since a lot of people died for no good reason in New York City.
So some people thought it would be a good idea to have some sort of tribute or memorial.
I’m all for memorials since I like the mushy stuff at times. One person sent me a memorial the other day. It started off alright, with clips of falling building and peoples faces of the men and women who snuffed it along with a very sad song being played in the back ground, and a few voice clips spliced in for good measure. All was good teary goodness. I have no problems with remembering people who died for no good reason and the men and women and dogs and other things that tried to save them what with them being brave and noble and so fourth.

What I do not like was what came next.

The thing proceeded to show pictures of the very brave G.W.Bush and how he was so composed in the crisis and so very brave handling this whole thing. Then it went on to say how they were going to “git the sunsabitch terrorists”
It turned into some pro Bush pro War dribble, it was horrid.

Now I realize that in this particular incident, it’s hard not to be pissed at someone or not mention the word terrorist. But this is a memorial. To me a memorial is remembering the dead and how stupid and silly it was that they did die, and then we look at the reasons why they did, and in some cases we learn.
On Remembrance Day we remember exactly this, not how great and brave Winston Churchill and the other allied leaders were and how bloody evil Hitler was.
OK I know it’s a stretch comparing the two, but that is what a memorial is to me. It’s disgusting when it is turned into propaganda. Boo Boo Boo I say. One of the things I took away from the whole thing was that if you are going to kill for a god that supposedly loves peace, you’re a bloody looney. If you want to kill yourself fine, I know people who have gardens and they would love the compost, but don’t take others with you. It’s rude and senseless and you’ll have the bastards nagging at you in the afterlife for all eternity.

I bet you never thought about that did you Mr. Suicide bomber?

Also I have nothing against the person who sent me this thing, because as you know, and you know who you are, I think you’re a peach ;) I just have a difference of opinion.

Right, NEXT!

College Shooter Nutter

I don’t even recall his name, but speaking as a leather clad, vampire loving, RPG playing, Marilyn Manson Freak , I can definitely say that some of the people that share these common interests, are one wave short of a shipwreck. But this solemn few also span the rest of the population as well.
When I go out and dress up in the frilly shirts and eye make up and what have you, I’m out there to have fun really and I don’t take myself too seriously, so I don’t see why anyone else would( Considering to most people you look like either a gay Captain Morgan or a leather clad warrior with bright blue pig tails), but they do.

Other than dressing funny and liking music with a lot of crunchy or whiney melodies in it we are like the rest of the population, relatively sane.

So it wasn’t the Rammstein or Doom 3 that hurts and killed those students, it was our old friend Crazy. Remember him?

Crazy Loopy Son of a bitch, and I’m glad they shot him. You can be crazy and not hurt anyone, I’ve been doing it for years but as soon as you bring the hurt, society brings the hammer and now we’re better off.

The lesson? You don’t have to look like a freak to be one.

NEXT UP!!

Now these next two topics got me really shaky in the hope that our pathetic race is actually worth anything. Sure as a race we can justify a lot of things if we are making money, look at oil companies and tobacco companies, but this stuff just made me ill.

Some 16 year old girl decided it would be fun to convince and 11 year old to have sex with about 20 men, from the ages of 12 – 40. You can find an article here.

When you’re in a line up with some of your friends, a line in which at the end has an 11 year old who is giving sexual favours at the direction of her 16 year old friend, at what point do you stop and say to yourself “Hey mate, this is kinda FUCKED UP right here, you think we should stop?” “ No man lets video it instead” “Fair enough”

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

People actually thought this was ok at the time…..and that makes me a very very sad man.
So that depressed me but I guess you get over it like you do. Then I heard about something else, not as bad but still made me wonder why if there was some sort of god, why he didn’t hit us with a big rock from space. Clearly if this kind of thing keeps up, we aren’t going anywhere good.

Apparently there is a video of a sexual assault being passed around from cell phone to cell phone in high schools. The kid that got assaulted goes to this school, and is being made fun of…I can’t find the article at present, if any of my readers find it be sure to post it on the comments.

I must have been asleep when sexual assault started becoming funny. Do we really have to tell our kids that rape is a bad thing now? Do we actually have to really tell them?

To wrap up this section I just want to say that we had better smarten up cause if this is where we are going we don’t need memorials because none of us are worth saving or remembering.

Righto! Lets climb this dismal stairwell and go from Bad, to Annoying, this is slightly more amusing and not nearly as depressing.

Work Wanker

Myyyyy work, is a very very very fine work! …..and so on and so on.

Work is usually relaxed which is a good thing. It’s also a feed or famine thing, you are either really busy or really not busy, fair enough. So when we aren’t busy we can be online and surf. Sweet. That is until the time of the Work Wanker came.

Now my manager Mail Lady was telling him to do some things. He decided not to do these things, which led to a stronger telling by mail lady to do said things once again.
After WW didn’t do them again the telling got VERY stern.
This made WW cross.

At this point I shall let you know that I work for a company called Implex, this company works for another company called Trammel Crow, and this company works for IBM, got that? Excellent!

So WW decides to complain, but does he go to my manager? No.
Does he go to Implex Boss? No.
Does he then go to Trammel Crow Boss? No.
He goes right to IBM and tells them that some of us are taking the piss in the mail room by spending all of our time on the internet. So IBM having no idea what the mail room is like, sends down some orders, saying we is not to use the interweb for more than work purposes.

So our boss comes and tells us all this one day last week, and what does WW do? He fucken complains. Ha Ha Fun Fun.

We just use it anyhow under discretion, if we didn’t we’d be very bored indeed, and you know what happens when people that work for the post get bored(See topic above about shooting). The best part is that WW uses the internet more than any of us. Complete Twit, but that ends that rant.

Alright, now we can move to the good stuff. WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Anyone who doesn’t know how to have fun on weekends, listen very close because you’re about to learn how.

Friday night I caught a movie with my Friend Scoob and his spousal unit. We saw Black Dahlia.
The movie itself was about 50/50 but I love 1940s noir so that atmosphere was pretty good. It was a bit slow in parts but there were some amusing bits that made up for it, as well as seeing burlesque pornography. It was interesting, and I didn’t feel as though I wasted my money, so all in all, good start.

Saturday

That night said friend from movie and his wife hosted a Pirate Pub Crawl in celebration of International Talk Like a Pirate day, which is…today in fact, Saturday is a much better day for a pub crawl I think though. So what do you do in this event?
You dress up like a Pirate, get a whole bunch of your friends and go out drinking! Hell yes!
Beginning of the Night I pop over to Scoobs house. We dress up in our gear and we head out to the first pub. The minute the 3 of us enter there are sounds of AAAAAARRRRRRR from the pub crowd and various odd glances, we smiled, confirmed our reservation and headed to out table where we sat and ate and waited for the others to show up. After about an hour we started to get worried that we were going to be the only ones showing up for this shindig. The waitress thought we were loons.
Then slowly but surely more and more people started to show, we got more and more drunk, and the waitress got more and more amused.:) She was a good sport.
We drank, we AAAARRRRRRRRRed and we made a ruckus. We all had Pirate names. I was known as Captain Byron Flashheart! But not for long…..

My new name was soon to be, Wesley for the evening as I reminded people of Wesley from The Princess Bride. I didn’t mind this and continued on with the evening. I told I pirate joke as well, and it turned out that I would be harassed to tell every living soul we met that joke that night. I suppose you want to know the joke now…..

What, is the most notorious pedophile pirate?

Get ready for it…

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR KELLY!!!!!

Alright enough of that….

We soon decided to get up and go do some actual pub crawling now that around 10 or 12 of us have assembled. Down the stairs we go to find a celtic rock band playing. They heard us coming with all the shouting and AVAST! And ARRRRR. So they played us a song. The Pirates of Saskatchewan by Captain Tractor. So they played the song and we got up on stage and danced around all evening. The audience thought we were part of the bands act.

Then we went out and made a spectacle of ourselves in public going from pub to pub and drinking merrily away. We even got into the Metropolitan Grill, which is this fancy upper class dancy club. We decided after about 5 minutes that that bar sucked, so we left and decided to head back to some of the original pubs we hit that evening. Unfortunately even our Pirate status couldn’t get us into those as the line ups were too big and with only frilly shirts and fake parrots to keep us warm, we now just wanted to find somewhere with heat. Scoob tried to wear a make shift peg leg that broke, so we used it as a change collector for the Pirates Against Sobriety Society. We even got some money out of the deal. $30 as I recall.

We did eventually find some place, can’t remember what it was called, but we had rum, we had duels and we sang and drank the night away.

There are pictures somewhere……ah yes right here

Go to gallery, then to miscellaneous, then its pretty simple from there.

Fun Fun enening!

Sunday.

Earlier in the week I had looked for bands needing singers and what not in a local magazine. I ended up finding one. We had a few beer and one meeting previous to Sunday but Sunday was the day we would get together at his house and practice.

So he picked me up and went to his house. We then proceeded to fiddle with some equipment…..not THAT kind of equipment you sickies!!......and we started recording our stream of practicing only for it to turn out fairly well. We seem to like the same note schemes which makes it easy to meld improved tunes. He liked my stuff, I liked his, and he seems to want to work on stuff I have and new stuff as much as his stuff so there is a lot of potential there. He has a server too that he uploads his music to although I’m not going to give it out here until I have his permission. I heard another artist he is working with too and his stuff is fab as well. Lots of different things to work on and lots of different possibilities. The stuff we recorded is under the name Bipolar Bear. Awesome name!

So, I’m in a band I think, and I have a good feeling its got a lot of different places to go.

Once I get suitable permission, I’ll put the link here and yall can listen to our dibble.

It’s alright, I’m done now you all can relax.

This concludes the Bad, The Annoying, and the Good and thank you for reading.

I’m off…tataaa!!!!!!

The Snakes in Spain Stay Mainly on the Mothafucken Plane!!!

2006-08-23T13:02:00.000-06:00

Snakes on a Plane Bitches!!!

This was a great movie, and I need all my readers to go see it right fucking now!! That is if you like campy B movies with Samule L Jackson.

It had everything great B movies have. Shitty Dialog, Shitty Acting(Cept for Mr. Jackson) but the kind you laugh at and expect. It also had every victim archetype on the plane that you could think of.

In short it was bloody entertaining anyhow. I'm still giggling even now.

How is everybody?! What is new with me you ask? Here are some things.

Work has been getting steadily more busy as an IBM building in town shut down and all their employees came to my building. We have some interesting characters coming here. Example.

I receive a package for Sally. This is not a problem in itself as I receive packages for lots of people. So I look for Sally in the database and find nothing. I do find an Ellen under the same last name though. I end up searching a few more vectors and end up finding zip, so I ask Mail Lady what is up.

"Sally and Ellen are the same person" she says.

"Really er... Alright then" I say.

There isn't even an S in Ellens Initials, why on gods grey earth, would someone have their name as Ellen in the database, but go by Sally?! All the packages are marked for Sally too. What promps that behavior?

'I don't think I like my name but I'm too cheap to change it. I'm still going to make the mail rooms life a living hell by just going by some other name though. That'll teach em!'

sigh......I don't ask, assuming there is a logical reason for it, but is there really?

Anyhow moving on.

I'm done my training at the college radio station here CJSW. Now that means here that I do some volunteering for them for a while before I can consider getting on the air. That's fair enough.
But their office hours are a bit wanky. 10-6 on weekdays and not open on weekends. Seeing this as an obvious problem for me being that I work when they are actually open, I contact them and ask them about it.
They say that I can do a lot through e-mail and what not. So I looked into production and asked about that. Production is writing adds and doing interviews with artists and alike which I am interested in. They said I could write a script for volunteer promotion at the station and an add to advertise their news program.

Sweet deal.

And they said that with a few things like that, they can get me in after hours to do stuff at a later date since the station is on air 24/7. You just need codes to get in after office hours. To get those you need to be trusted.

Tricky.........But I can do it!

I'm going for Production training this very night as well. I also have a sample of the add I will write for them here.

--

THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!!

It's true!! And CJSW News can tell you what these things are on Thursdays between 11:30 am till Noon! If you have a thing, you would like to tell us that you believe is important, send these tips to news@cjsw.com .
If that isn't enough to get your attention we would like to inform you that CJSW news announcers do not wear pants during their broadcast.

CJSW 90.9 FM

Radio With Out Pants

--

There is is, we'll see if they like it.

Went on a camping trip with my friend Kibilz and Family. It was a camping trip with a motorcycle club, so it was interesting.....

I got properly drunk and woke up the next morning in my tent with a proper head ache.

So Ace weekend all around.

THere is this kick ass site I found called catch a perv.com

basically like the police, these guys masquerade as 12 year old girls and catch pervs being pervs, but they get them to show themselves on a web cam and then they post it so you get to see their reaction when they find out they are caught. Class!

My internet Station is 158 hours without repeating a song! That's almost a week straight! Listen to it by doing this.

Go to www.shoutcast.com and in the search box type "nightmares"

a few stations will pop up, but mine is the name "Nightmares, Whispers, and Screams"

Click "tune In" and you're set!

A friend of mine is having what is called a Pirate Party on the 19th of September. Isn't that the greatest idea ever?!

You basically dress like a pirate and go pub crawl and drink. That is going to be great! Well... To me anyhow.

I think that's about enough from me for now. We'll see what happens in the next few weeks.

oh...And for a real laugh, read THIS!

Bye Bye Now

This Magic Moment......So different and So New...

2006-08-04T15:51:00.000-06:00

A magic moment indeed. I had one of these recently.

Its half an hour before my alarm goes off and I have woken up. Why? To take a piss, great.

I'm thinking..Why couldn't my bladder wait half hour to wake me?..

So I get up and let out a ripping morning piss, and go back to bed.

that's when they hit you...The magic moments..

You know the ones, you're in the most beautifully comfortable position imaginable and you know that in 25 minutes time you have to leave it.

This never happens when you have a few hours to sleep yet..Oh no!

The blankets are all in the right place, the lighting's perfect, you face is in the exact place in the pillow where it feels the best..And your head is ready to enter blissful coma.

Life throws things like this at you all the time, Lord knows why and when I find him I plan on giving him a very stern interrogation.

I can only assume it means 'Appreciate what you got fuck wit! It don't last!'

Anyhow

Apparently someone likes to tell me I'm a right sad sod. My previous blog had a rather interesting comment saying something to that effect. Click on this word to view it.

Sometimes I love people so much. Oh Well, Bad press is still press after all and since I know I'm a fantastic Motherfucker, it doesn't really mean anything. Still...I don't even know why you would bother saying anything if you're not going to leave a name.

Who cares.

It looks like I'm off to Kelowna for the weekend. A good thing as since a lot of family pets have died in the last month. I am missed also, and it will be good to go home for a while.

I'm still feeling kinda shitty though, and yes I am sorry for all the negative whiney stuff but hey....It's my blog and I really do feel like crap sometimes, as does everyone.

Been watching the new series of Dr. Who and dear lord is it brilliant!
If you ever get a chance to view the 2005, 06 series then please do it, even if you aren't a fan. Lots of great themes, Ideas and effects. Plus you get to see Daleks. Who doesn't like Daleks?!

V for Vendetta was also a good film, I suggest everyone check that out as well.

I'm annoying the fuck out of the upstairs neighbors by howling out to loud music. It's fun. They like to turn up their rappy bass really high so I can hear it, so that's considerate of them. I think I'm getting much better. I respect singers now more than I used to. Keeping in tune isn't hard for me, nor is projecting, its lasting for an hour and a half concert that is difficult for me, but if I plan on being a good performer, that is what I'll have to do. I'll be going up to CJSW for my first training session on the 12th. Hopefully i'll get my own show soon and get some band connections up there.

We still have no hot water after 3 weeks. Bloody long battle to get this gas up and running. Especially when the blame is passed around like a hot potato and we are left freezing. I've gotten used to it though, having a dimensional door open to the elemental plane of cold in our shower stall, but that isn't the point. I think we may be able to get out of our lease for this, which would be good if finding places to live wasn't such a pain in the arse.

The Sundered World Game is going fairly well. I'm getting some kick ass Ideas. Now if only we can get a day set, then that would be kick ass. An actually story is almost jumping out of me from it. It's just putting the pieces together that seems difficult right now, perhaps I'm distracted.

What else.....

Not much, perhaps if something else strikes me I'll blog while in Kelonwa.

So I'll sign off for now.

Later peoples..

One Bloody Minded Weekend.....

2006-07-16T19:59:00.000-06:00

I'd Like to start with a question.

WHAT THE FUCK!?

That is exactly, what I would like to know.

The weekend was bloody awful. Oh sure it had its good bits but mostly it was shit. It actually started before the weekend.

So Thursday we turn on the taps. No hot water.

Smeg

So we realize the pilot light on the hot water tank has gone out. Fine fine. Jovknee being the butch handy man that he is tried to start the pilot light again with no success.

Double Smeg

So we call our land lord blokes and they send over a gas guy. After the gas guy checks this thing out like, he says there is no gas coming in at all, and asked if we have been paying the bill.
Ok the deal is we pay the upstairs tenant 40% of the utilities, but we have only gotten one bill since we moved in.
So we figured the buggers haven't been paying it, as the same day we found a note pasted to their door saying that if ye don't pay rent yer out. It turns out though that there was a switching of landlords taking care of this particular property we live in, and as such, buggered up the contract with the gas company.
That means that when he left he canceled it instead of transferring it.

OK, so the old lords a git.

We call up the new one today, a few cold showers later. Apparently our new land lord isn't in the office during weekends. So if we have an emergency like on a Saturday there isn't even an on call bugger to help us out

Triple Smeg with a side of fuck your mum!

We found that out Thursday.

Friday begins, and it is confirmed that I, Fictional Correspondent, has gotten a pay rise. That cheered me up a bit, and Hi Ho its off to work I go. Then I found out at work, that my grandmothers family pet, Rascal the dag, had to be put down. That dog has been around for a good 12 years. And has been a constant source of amusement, as well as a friend to my grandmother. Now that he is gone, I don't know how long my grandmother will last. She is pretty crushed.

Quad , Bugger Your Uncle Smeg

Riding the bus home from work, I'm standing and can't wait to get home, when this balding bloke is a red shirt with horizontal blue stripes goes to get off the bus. I saw the detail as there was no where to sit, so I was standing right near the back doors. The man before he gets off, rams his elbow into my chest.

The bastard hit me, and with out looking just gets off the bus.

Now, I'm not even bruised or anything so you all don't even have to put on an act that you give a good god damn.

I'm ok, but still, he meant it, and Lord knows why.

It's hard being a gentleman in a world where people hit you randomly.

PentaSmeg

I did that evening get to run a game Idea with Jovknee and Depaxus. It went well and fun was had by all.

Saturday was alright as well, as I got to play a comic relief character in D&D. A Pixie named(Thank You Rimmy)

PLASTICO!!!!!!!!!!!!

An Equasion. Invisible hero + Rapier + Flight + Back Stab = Confused, then dead ugly things.

Subtract one Smeg leaving a 4 coarse Smeg Rockabilly Scag Square Dance

The cold showers it seems though have taken its toll, as I believe I'm getting ill. Either that or I'm a pansy face.

Either way I'm not feeling too good when I wake up and everything hurts. I do however have payed sick days now...yehaw.

If I get ill, I'm going to walk into my landlords and stay all day, and wretch on absolutely everything. I will fill the office with filth.

I will cast Prismatic Yawn, and it will be glorious.

It isn't the worst weekend I've had but its definitely up there, even though mine pales in comparison to some, it was still bloody shit cakes. Last night when I went to bed, it all sort of hit me, I was sad that me grandmothers dog died , and I was furious at my attacker at the same time. I wanted bloody revenge, I wanted to shoot people. For once I knew how it felt to be a postal worker on Speed.
All I wanted to do was sleep but couldn't.

But as always, I'll be the better man and take it all in stride. A Few family members and friends have been ground down from society's cruelty, well I'm not going to.

Smeg them!

I'm going to have a good life, ......I'm gona be just like you. The Job, the Career, The fucking big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc player and electrical tin opener! Good Health, Low cholesterol and Dental insurance. DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Fancy shirts, black hats and Kilts, and a god movie rip off!

5 For 5, Smegarific!

Lots of stress relief there.

I feel Sundered

2006-07-10T18:55:00.000-06:00

Its been one of those months. Not all bad, not all good, but definitely something tiring about it. At least I can sort of see a way out from where I'm standing.

Hey all. Things have been busy, or not...I'm not sure really, but I know I've done some stuff that's for sure.

My internet radio station is up to over 150 hours with out repeating a song, and more to come as it were.

If you wish to take a listen go to www.shoutcast.com. In the search window, type either, Nightmares, Whispers and Screams or just simply Nightmares. Sometimes the search option is a bit odd and it says it doesn't find thing that are actually there. Anyhow, when you find it you can bookmark it in winamp and never have to worry about it again. Assuming you dig it.

Work has been exhausting. We used to have 3 IBM buildings and one IBM warehouse, now one of the buildings is shutting down and they are all moving to mine, which means more of a work load for me. Today for instance I didn't even get a chance to eat until I was almost done my shift. Apparently I should be getting a raise though, not to sure what the amount is, or when it is taking effect but it should help.

My sleep for the past 2 months has been off lately and with things going on emotionally and adjusting to the moving changes, it's hell sometimes. I try to create and write, play music, or anything like that and it always looks as if it's not really worth it, or it just plain sucks. Again the fortunate side of things is that I know that will change, the question is when.

It better happen soon because I'm getting more and more agitated with people. I know sometimes this is a good thing, because life is too short to put up with people shit head issues, but I have always been a diplomat socially. And I don't believe I have every truly lost my temper. People are starting to really annoy me and get to me. I just wish I knew if this is a little healthy intolerance or whether I'm just stressed. I wish I knew.

And yes, there is a such thing as healthy intolerance, see the bit above about putting up with people shit...

I did however contact the Radio station here in Calgary CJSW. I'm going to get my own show and try and find band contacts. I certainly have to do something, because the urge to just fall into a deep deep coma and wake up when its all better, is very tempting.

I am sorry, This is rather depressing I know.

It is however, one of those lifetimes.

But I want to say thank you to those who have been there for me. I'm lucky to have good friends.
Being a good friend isn't easy, as life can be a bitch, so I do appreciate it, as I will always be there for all of you when I can, and those who haven't been so close, I understand, and if I don't I try. Just don't forget about me.

er...This is getting mushier than mashed potatoes in a wet paper bag that has been thrown into something very mushy.

A Bright Side.

A world I have created for a game has spawned some characters in my head. I might just write about them. You fine readers will have your chance to read it here.

I saw Pirates of The Caribbean, the second one. Bloody Brilliant movie. If you liked the first one, and like those kinds of movies and aren't a total wanker, you will see it.

I'm off I think, but before I go, I have to show you all something.

I don't like Ska, but I do like 7 Seconds of Love.

I like the BAND....7 seconds of Love. 7 Seconds is way too short for love in my opinion,and there are those that know this about me and will agree.

It is a brilliant song called, Submarine.

Enjoy, and Thanks again...

....You fookin bastards!!!

What Would Peter Murphy Do?

2006-06-19T14:07:00.000-06:00

that's a new T-shirt I decided I want to get.

Hey all, Its been a while but here I am again. Whets new? Not a whole hell of a lot. But there are a few little things.

I saw Ministry on the 3rd of June and I must say it was a bloody bloody bloody brilliant show!!
The Revolting Cocks opened up for them, and those guys were fan fucking tastic as well. Funny and entertaining. Before them, A punk band opened up for them, they weren't that great but not bad either. They did a kick ass Cover of Motorheads Ace of Spades.
The Revolting Cocks opened up with an old Favorite, 'Beers Steers and Queers' Did a few other songs along with a Bauhaus cover, and Olivia Newton John Cover(Physical ;)) and ofcourse played their famous Rod Stuart Cover'Do You Think I'm Sexy'

Entertaining as hell.

Then came Ministry, who opened up with a lot of their new stuff. Then...THEN they played their older stuff starting with N.W.O.

It was amazing. Played all the oldie goodies, Just One Fix, thieves, all that stuff. They came on for 3 encores. One was Stigmata, another was Psalm 69 and the last was a 10 minute rendition of So What.

I was very pleased with the show and RunswithScissors enjoyed it as well.

The only one they didn't play...Was Jesus Built My Hotrod, But I could live with that.

Last couple of weeks have been pretty dull and Fathers day was bloody depressing. I spent most of the day by myself so I had lots of time to think. My dad left when I was 3 and it never bothered me before, I don't know why it did yesterday, it was just one of those days I think.

Oh well, He lost out on the deal for not being here. The moral of the story is.....Appreciate what you got, cause basically, I'm fucking fantastic!

Enough whining, you don't need that.

I've decided I really want to be a vocalist.

I did my first karioke a few weeks ago...Something I said I would never do but alas...I did...And a good thing too...I found out I could sing...Got standing ovations and everything. I'm not tooting my own horn either I have witnesses!!

So I've started practicing singing obnoxiously in my room....And I'm getting better. I want to reach the singing peak of people like Peter Murphy and the lead singer of Carfax Abbey. I tried a Carfax song and almost did it but some of the stronger octaves I cracked big time...But the more I practice I'll get it.

Peter Murphy is a bit harder depending on the song but, if I sing Bauhaus I seem to do just fine. Go figure. It didn't help the depression though that all the songs I happen to que were depressing aswell...But it was a bloody great release.....

I love performing ever since I was a lad...So I think I'll do it...

I'm not a Fantastic Motherfucker yet, but I play a Vampire that is...It's a start.

I'm signing off now.

" Now ZIGGY PLAAAAAAYED, GUIIIIIIITAAAAAAAARRRR!!!!!"

To: Ross Cummings at BJ Services Company Canada

2006-05-31T10:17:00.000-06:00

That was a letter I had to send out yesterday. I'm not even exadurating one bit. I couldn't keep a straight face the whole time sending.
That guy must get taunts every day. If he isn't used to them by now, he'll probably snap pretty soon.

Well this week was much better than last week, even though it has been busy at work. RWS birthday was on the 27th so we all went to the pub and had a few. We sang stuff...And we had a good time for the most part. She is still feeling like crap but all I can do is give her my best...Like I would give anything else where she is concerned anyhow.
I found a Bee in my room yesterday. Only trouble is, the window wasn't open. This is the second one I have found since I have lived at this place, so how the hell are they getting in? It's a bit disconcerting if you ask me, and the trouble is I have a fear stretching back to childhood of bee's and wasps. Bees are ok...What's the worst thing the can do? Sting me?...But still I flinch:P and Wasps well...I can't stand those up tight protestant fuckers!

Well my birthday is coming up in a couple of days, and I hadn't really planned on doing anything. But RWS wants me to go to her house for dinner. That's good enough I figure. yay 28.
I also figure I'm going to shave my head. I know that comes out of bugger all no where but I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Maybe a change must be made. Maybe its because its getting thin up there and its going to look stupid soon....yay vanity. I don't know but I figure it will probably work. Maybe I'll do that sometime this weekend.

I am however seeing Ministry on Saturday the 3rd. That's going to kick ass. I just picked up the new album and its bloody brilliant. Another excellent burn of George W. And it sounds pretty good too. Ministry is a band I always wanted to see live, I can't wait to see how much energy is going to be produced....Dear lord I hope I'm not killed by rivitheads.

On the 1st I'm having Dinner at Arks house with his wife Squirrel and Depaxus. RWS will be there as well. I think it is a birthday thing as well as they are going to have cake and what not. It will be nice to spend an evening with them I'm sure.

Anyhow, That's all for me. I'll try to get a picture up here of me looking all Nosferatu....(bald)

Peace Out.

I Want to believe, In The Mercy of the World Again, Make It Rain..

2006-05-23T08:31:00.000-06:00

Well this weekend was interesting.

Runswithscissors and I went to a fetish/burlesque Fashion show at a club called the warehouse. The performances were mediocre at best, but the music was ok and we ran into some Interesting people.

And we both looked fucking sexy....

So mostly fun was had by all, but unfortunate RWS was feeling a little run down, and it got worse as the weekend progressed. Not fun for her, and not fun for me, as all I want to do is help in some way but I really can't. Well I'm here if she needs and that is good enough. I also had my own depression to deal with.

The writing is slumping, I feel like everything is. The spark of primal energy that drives creativity just isn't burning brightly enough for me.

So many things I would like to do, and I should be driven to pursue them but I find lately that nothing is coming out, nothing is happening.
It was one of those weekends where you want to cry...And you will if you don't hold it in...But you don't know why. You feel something but you don't know what it is. Usually, I just cry and get it over with, I feel that sometimes my body releases stress that way cause I tend to feel much better afterwards. But I feel like such a tit doing it for no reason :P

HoHum

Well, RWS Dad had a few suggestions for me, which actually helped because what I have seen of his writing is pretty damned good.

I still don't know where my main focus lies artistically and that is annoying.

I turn 28 on the second and I see people 10 years younger than me knowing what's what and going with it. They know their thing and they are lucky. I still feel like I'm drifting.

Enough whining? ABSOLUTELY!!

When I'm not depressed I know that my talents are multi faceted. I know I have options, and I know that it doesn't matter how old you are or anything. If you push hard enough eventually something will move.

things will be alright I think, but man, what I wouldn't give to have RWS well and healthy. If the forces are listening and want some sort of sacrifice let me know. Blood,a body part...Whatever man as long as she can live a healthy life with out any of this crap :P

heh...If I sent an Astral telegram just now the response would be something like this I think.

Got your sacrifice Stop

It was lovely Stop

She was not a virgin as you though but it's the thought that counts Stop

Quit being such a ninny! Stop

Do you know how often we get this crap?! Stop

We're trying to watch the Match Stop

Just do what you can Stop

Piss off Stop

Anyhow, I am to come into work an hour earlier than usually because my supervisor, Mail Lady is gone on the hellidaze. I wonder how much we can bugger this week up, hence I've only been here for 2 months, and out of the 3 of us left here(Me, the Gypsy and the new girl I name Sparky the temp due to her enthusiasm and the fact she is a temp)I am the most experienced.. I must go.....stuff......always stuff.......

Some people get by, with a little understanding. Some people get by, with a whole lot more........I want More....

2006-05-20T10:24:00.000-06:00

I just rolled out of bed. It has occurred to me that I haven't written one of these in a while, for shame. I have though been quite busy after all.

Tonight I am supposed to attend a burlesque/fetish fashion show night, at one of the clubs here in town, and since I haven't dressed up in a while I'm quite excited about it. RWS seems to be as well, which is of course, a good thing.

I feel like I should be writing something important or relevant but meh, I'm just not sure anymore. Maybe it's because I just rolled out of bed. Yes, perhaps it's that.
When your life changes drastically over just a few months a lot of things seem to come into perspective. It's one of those feelings, where you know a chapter in your life is over and another begins. Sometimes it's bigger than that. Sometimes it's like you've started a whole other book.. Over all you know you made the right decisions for you, and that things are better (if in fact that is what happened to you, sometimes it's the exact opposite) there is still a lingering sense that things aren't quite normal yet. You feel it in the mornings, and sometimes before you go to sleep, among other random times this feeling pops up.
Some people life's change so much they never stop having that feeling.

Change is good though, and I'm not going to fight it. Things will settle eventually, at least to a point where things can be called, normal again. Wow, that was a ramble, and it didn't make a whole lot of sense, or maybe it did.

Maybe it's because I just rolled out of bed.......

despite the the odd bits of"limbo feeling" here and there...Everything is pretty peachy I must say :)

There is still a small part of me that wonders if I deserve it. It doesn't matter.

Life is what you make it ultimately, and its sure as hell not about what you deserve.

I'll count my blessings, never take them for granted, and try my best to live a good life and not hurt anyone. That's all anyone can do I spose....But now, It's time to put on some Nick Cave, scrape the hair off my face....And give myself a long loving rinse.......

"Hey guys! Is this your Frisbee?" " Is it orange?" " No it's blue" "Yep that's ours.."

2006-05-03T11:45:00.000-06:00

We were in the park one evening this week, RWS and I, and along with some hippy companions, we met these girls that were either High, stupid, or both, and that's the conversation we had with them.

Funny shit.

These girls also asked us if we had cronic to which we said no. This would have been fine except for the fact they asked us 4 more times after that.

Anyhoo, here is an update.

Work has been so so, but a few new things have happened I suppose. Chotch-O-Matic is gone......Long live Chotch-O-Matic.
But we did get a new mail girl in.

She will be thus named, The Gypsy. Here is why.

She is from Bulgaria, she is dark, fairly cute, and has this kick ass accent.
This combined with her soft spoken and quiet demeanor thus far leads me to believe she is a threat somehow. She smiles at me a lot, and that puts me on edge too. Although what the hell do I know, she's only been here 3 days. I may be over reacting. But I don't trust those Gypsy types, especially when they're charming. ;)

I had an interesting encounter with a Driver today, goes something like this.

Driver = "what's Your name?"

Me = "It's Fictional Correspondent"

The driver starts laughing a deep and insanity touched laugh, then stops and with a straight face says.

"Are You Serious?"

(Note I didn't actually say Fictional Correspondent, I said my real name, which is much less interesting, I figure I should explain this for my slow geared readers)

Me = "Yes Has been that way for Damn Near 28 years, Why am I in some sort of trouble?"

Him = "Not Today"

Me = "Oh......Alright then,,,"

It turns out that he just didn't know me and I wasn't in his database, therefore he did a little freak out when he didn't know who I was. No Biggie. This guy was pretty funny.

The other day I got a Driver describe to me a delivery he made and while he was on it he saw this guy on rollerblades carrying groceries. According to the driver this guy wasn't too graceful and this driver explained how he was backing his van out of a driveway and watching this guy coming straight for him. He wasn't going very fast but as soon as his van was out enough to block the sidewalk, he saw El Rollerblader panic and at about 2 miles an hour ran into the van.

This story is much more amusing when the driver tells it, as he is running around acting it out as it happens. Picture a Hippy in his 50's, thin, looks like what Dr. Hook sounds like,acting out a clumsy roller bladder hitting the side of a van at the speed of slow and then laughing about it. It's pretty god damn funny.

Well that's my week so far and I'll sign off with some Iggy Pop Lyrics.

"Well I'm gona keep on walkin
In the Modern World
Which justifies every egotistical perversion
With Scientific Talk
And New ways to walk

So for now I'll say So Long...

I gota Go do Wrong......"

IF THOU HAST NOT THE FUNK, THOU HAST NOTHING!!

2006-04-27T14:23:00.000-06:00

I guess it's time for less weird poetry and more of a recap, but I can't guarantee it will be as entertaining.

Work

Work has been good to me thus far. I have the perfect name for Printer Fixer...But since he is leaving after tomorrow you won't see the name again most likely. His name...

Chotcho-matic

Damn, and that was a good one too...But I do have a small story about Chotcho-matic before I mention him no more.

He has amusing days, mostly because he gets a slew of phone calls. Fixing printers in the building makes this fact, by itself, normal, but he doesn't get calls from the office. He gets calls from crazy people.

He constantly has fights with his Girl Friend on the phone, and they are kind funny to hear one sided. She sounds like a complete basket case. I hear she is from Kelowna, so that explains a little bit. Any woman who has spent most, if not all her life in Kelowna, or the Okanagan Valley is subject to what I like to call "Valley Madness!" More on THAT later.

He will blatantly tell this woman not to call so gad damn much for reasons that are for a lack of a better term, reasonable, you know, cause he's at work and all doing work stuff. But she keeps on calling and calling.

Now Chotch-o-Matic got his name because he's a clean cut butchy country kid. And as such he has a cell phone, that when it rings it plays an MP3 of some twangy country anthem of inbreeding.

Cuntry music as it were....

So most of the time he's out doing Chotchy Printer Fixing or tossing hey over his shoulder or what not, and his work phone will ring. Then his cell phone rings. Rinse and Repeat for about 6 times.

He comes back looks at his messages, curses the gods, and phones them back. He then has a fight, gets pissed off, and vocalises questions about hiding bodies and not going to prison. His sister does the same thing, calls him I mean, for stupid shit.

He was ready to burst yesterday. He was going to burst into a Kentucky Fried Chotch Rodeo Explosion, but stopped just short. His sister during a busy day called and bugged him about 14 times while he was away, complaining that Chotch-o-matics girl didn't do her hair correctly.

Man I would be pissed too if I got calls like that at work....Damn...

I wonder who will replace him......We can never tell......At least, not yet.

Play & Other Topics

Been Hanging out with Runswithscissors a lot for that past couple of weeks, and if you knew her like I do, you would too. She has been spending the last few weeks making things to sell at festivals and fairs and what not. Things like cloths and little fae tutu's for kids and what not, and I've been her little slave for the past little bit.

(Not in that way you degenerate pigs! Information of that nature is bought, not given)

She is feeling a lot better though, and that is a good thing because about 6 weeks ago she was pretty ill. The doctors thought she might have something she most DEFINITELY didn't want to have, Multiple Sclerosis.

Not sure how you spell that but either way, at her age it's pretty shitty news.

The doctors think now though, that it could very well be stress, cause she has had lots and lots of that.......And since time has gone by, and she has gotten better, we are thinking that is exactly what was wrong. Stress kills after all.

She is happy a lot now....And when she's happy, she radiates it like a beacon and becomes the physical embodiment of Joy itself, and you can't help but feel that when your around her.....

'shakes head'

sorry...Where was I?

Oh yes! So it's a good thing. ;)

Ok so sorry I bored you, but that's the way things are going for now.

I'm off to do some work, cause being at work, I should do some.

Peace Ouside!

Oh yes sorry.....

Valley Madness!

It is a well known fact that women who have spent too much time in the Okanagan Valley, suffer from Valley Madness. It is a mental defect or type of deranged insanity. In fact a victim of Valley Madness soon loses her humanity and becomes a symbiot called"A Void"

A parasite that will leach onto a male and suck the souls energy down the the bare minimum. He will never be free again until the parasite is dispatched. Valley Madness is not limited to the Valley however. We all have that friend, who has that girlfriend(or boyfriend for that matter) that controls him, and you hardly ever see him. I'm not just talking about the 'I have a girl now so I'm hanging with her a lot' phase but I mean you NEVER see him. He isn't allowed to do anything with anyone but his woman. This is a sign his Girls Valley Madness has turned her into a Void.

Symptoms of someone with Valley Madness

A complete lack of being able to cope with the world around her causing her to view her issues as part of her being, not something to be dealt with.

This leads to the second stage where she tries to force those around her to accept and live according to her issues as well. Logic has almost no vacancy at this stage.

They usually go on the hunt for an unsuspecting mate whom she can latch onto and subdue. Once she can convince this mate to see things the way she does, she moves in and taps the soul energy feeding her condition.

It is at this stage where she becomes a Void and is no longer human. A well that sucks in all positive energy leaving only a negative feeling in it's place.

It may sound like I'm picking on women more than men, but there are a dangerous amount of male Voids as well.

Stand up brothers and sisters and fight!

Ways that could stop the Valley madness and eventual void are as follows.

Learn to help your mate deal with her/His issues. If He/She can't, leave, it's better than the alternative.
Make him or her see that a relationship isn't about co-dependence, it's about friendship of the most sacred kind. And if issues act up, deal with them right away.

That is all the advice to be given on this subject at this time.

NOW Peace Ouside Fo Real

"And Now I Lay Me Down TO Bed, Robot Sheep Dance In My Head, I Can See By Infrared, How I Hate The Night,.."

2006-04-20T08:07:00.000-06:00

"And though they tell you I was lost
And the word reports my death has come
The fates have left me breathing still
Very much alive..."

Hey kids. It's poetry time again, but not mine. Perhaps in time I'll be brave enough to post some of my work on here. But for now, here is a poem by Mr. H. P. Lovecraft.
I love this poem. It gives you such nifty pictures in you head. At least it does me. I'll just get on with it shall I?

Right.

Nathicana

It was in the pale garden of Zais
THe mist shrouded gardens of Zais
Where blossoms the white nephalote
The redolant herald of midnight
There slumber the still lakes of crystal
And streamlets that flow with out murm'ring
Smooth streamlets from caverns of Kathos
Where broodth the calm spirits of twilight
And over the lakes and the streamlets
Are bridges of pure alabaster
White bridges all cunningly carven
With figures of fairies and daemons
Here glimmer strange suns and strange planets
And strange is the crescent Banapis
The sets 'yond the ivy grown ramparts
Where thicken the dusk of the evening
Here fall the white vapours of Yabon
The thought blotting vapours of Yabon
And here in the swirl of the vapours
I saw the devine Nathicana
The slender black hair'd Nathicana
THe sloe eyed red lipped Nathicana
THe silver voiced sweet Nathicana
The pale rob'd belov'd Nathicana
And ever was she my beloved
From ages where time was unfashioned
From days when the stars were not fashioned
Not anything fashioned but Yabon
And here dwelt we ever and ever..

The innocent children of Zais
At peace in the paths and the arbours
White crown'd with the blest nephalote
How oft we would float in the twilight
O'er Flow'r Cover'd pastures and hillsides
All white with the lovely astalthon
The lowly yet lovely astalthon
And dream in a world made of dreaming
THe dreams that are fairer than Aidenn
Bright dreams that are truer than reason!
So dreamed and so Lov'd thro we thro ages
Till came the cursed season of Dzannin
THe daemon Damn'd season of Dzannin
When red shone the suns and the planets
And red greamed the crescent Banapis
And red fell the vapours of Yabon
Then reddened the blossoms and streamlets
And lakes that lay under the bridges
And even the calm alabaster
Glowed pink the uncanny reflections
Till all the carv'd fairies and daemons
Leer'd redly from backgrounds of shadow
Now reddened my vision and madly
I strove to peer thro the dense curtain
And glimpsed the devine Nathicana
THe pure ever pale Nathicana
The lov'd the unchange'd Nathicana
But vortex on vortex of madness
Beclouded my labouring vision
My damnable reddening vision
That built a new world for my seeing
A new world of redness and darkness
A horrible coma called living
So now in this coma call'd living
I view the bright phantoms of beauty
THe false, hollow phantoms of beauty
That cloak all the evils of Dzannin
I view them with infinite longing
So like do they seem to my lov'd one
Yet foul from their eyes shines their evil
Their cruel and pitiless evil
More evil than Thaphron or Latgoz
Twice ill for it's gorgeous concealment..

And only in slumbers of midnight
Appears the lost maid Nathicana
THe pallid and pure Nathicana
Who fades at the glance of the dreamer
Again and Again do I seek her
I woo with deep draughts of Pathotis
Deep draughts brew'd with wine of Astarte
And strengthen'd with tears of long weeping
I yearn for the gardens of Zais
THe lovely lost gardens of Zais
Where blossoms the white nephalote
The redolent herald of midnight
THe last potent draught I am brewing
A draught that the daemons delight in
A draught that will banish the redness
The horrible coma call'd living
Soon, soon if I fail not in brewing
THe redness and madness will vanish
And deep in the worm-peopl'd darkness
Will rot the base chains that have bound me
Once more shall the gardens of Zais
Dawn white on my long tortur'd vision
And there midst the vapours of Yabon
Will stand the devine Nathicana
THe deathless restor'd Nathicana
Whos like is not met with the living..

This man paints wondeful pictures I say again, feel free to comment and tell me what you think. But for now I must go...

" And though my mind is cut by battles
Fought so long ago
I return victorious
I am comming home...."

"Bah Bah Ack Sheep, Have You Any Bling?!" "Yes Sir Yes Sir CHA CHA CHING!!!"

2006-04-13T08:46:00.000-06:00

Two weeks I've been at work now, and I know almost everything there is to know about the job. The stuff I don't know is common sense to learn, and I have that believe it or not.

Nothing really exciting happening though, even though I always say this and then all of a sudden remember that there was one or two things a bit exciting...uh oh............There it goes......

It was Runs With Scissors parents 25th anniversary yesterday, and I was invited along to a pub with her and her parents. Her grandparents were there, so I got to meet them. RWS dad was half in the bag, and amusing as hell, and he as well as the rest of the family wanted to watch me play darts, which in short means "We know you're a visual gimp, so we're going to point and laugh while we watch you attempt to throw sharp things"

Bless em the crazy scamps.

It's nice to know you're liked by people with a twisted sense of humor, and I didn't do too badly either considering I was playing with drunk people.

on another note, I have decided that drivers for Apple courier are one wave short of a ship wreck. A conversation I had this very morning.....

I am sitting at my computer, and I hear the driver come in through the pick up door. I noticed he is picking up a box I prepared to ship, so I continue on with the fuck all I was working on at the time.

Then I hear it.

"Ow!"

I turn around...

"man....That's not the clicky end of the pen hehehehehehehehehe...." He said.

"I guess not" I reply and go over to collect the waybill.

"Maaan, have you ever done that with a fountain pen?" he asks.

"I can't say that I have" I replied

"Man one time I stabbed myself with one of those, and the ink went in like something out of a needle man, I had a blue spot on my hand for like 2 months after"

"That can't be good for your health" I said to him

He giggles his mad hippy giggle and says'

"those things are just like those roller ball pens, man I had one of those things in my pocket one day, and it leaked and by the end of the day my leg was all fuck...." His radio went off and he straightened up. He talked some mad jargon to another on the other end of the radio, who talked some mad jargon back. Then he continued.

" Anyway at the end of the day my leg was just all fucken blue man!"

He giggled his Dr. Hook giggle and took his box and left.

I know the story isn't that amusing but, it made my morning.

the people I work with aren't a bad bunch at all.

There is the Mail Lady, who taught me pretty much everything I know, and she is pleasant to be around.

There is Printer Fixer who sits beside me, he is a big help too. He has a girlfriend that called him here ALL THE TIME. I don't know what she does, but it can't be more than getting on Printer Fixers nerves.
More stories about him and the half conversations I hear with his G/F later.

And then there is UCOG, standing for Ultimate Canadian Old Guy.

He's a very very nice man who works with Mail Lady in the afternoons. He is short and skinny with eyes that bulge a bit, and his voice is a bit high pitched. He says "eh" at the end of almost everything he says.

If you have seen the movie FARGO, he talks exactly like the guys in that film. He's amusing. Kinda reminds me of Gomer Pile a bit....

Oh another note.

RIMMY! ANSWER YOUR DAMN MESSENGER ONCE IN A WHILE YOU GIT!!

I know you're there since you got time to change your clever tag line, but NOT talk to me!

That's enough for me for now......

SPARKLES IS MUCH BETTER THAN PISS!!!!!

"SON!...Be a Colonist!!"....Is what Dad said to me..."It's a cooshy life and you get alien real estate for free!"

2006-04-04T12:39:00.000-06:00

So....The new job.....Let me tell YOU GUYS SOMTIN MON!!!

Its pretty kick ass, in fact I'm on my lunch hour right now as I blog this.

Yes I said Lunch Hour, not half hour. Since I've done this job before a while ago, I picked it up pretty quick. I probably know about 80% of what there is to know over my first 2 days, and that ain't too shabby.

There is a whole lot of nothing to do most of the time, but there are times man, where there is tons and tons to do. And time goes by pretty fast so that's a good thing as well.

My co-workers are cool and helpful and not the least bit annoying!

So far I haven't got any good stories to tell, but I have a big feeling there will be.

Oh wait, there is a story...But its short.

We take our order from drivers for Purilator and those types of peoples...And man...Some of them are a bit topsey turvey.

I was accepting an order this morning from a guy who looked like a hippy and when I greeted him the first thing he mentions is his radio.

"I finally have a volume on this thing, cause it was so fucking annoying before that I turned it off most of the time" Insert mad giggling and odd gesturing before he slid back out the door and said thank you.....

I have a feeling that this is going to be amusing. The man looked like, what the guys in Dr. Hook and the Medicine show SOUND like......That is the only way I can describe him.

Well more to follow as I work here.

I think the coolest thing about having this job, is that I feel like a useful member of society, not that I wasn't before, it's just I'm actually doing something instead of collecting a cheque every month.

You would be amazed what that does for a persons confidence. I wasn't turned down for the interview, I was well liked.

I've been turned down from a lot of places, including McDonalds and 7-11.

So in my mind I have passed a test, even though in reality, I know I'm a good competent person anyhow.

I must get back to......"IT"...

Laters......

Weak and Weary

2006-04-02T11:44:00.000-06:00

I just rolled out of bed and onto my computer, I'm not sure why I'm doing this but, it has to be done.

Dreams.

You know how some days when you wake up, possibly several times in a morning, dreams just stick with you, and from then on in the day is covered in a sort of film resembling the dreams mood or atmosphere.

Sometimes this is a good thing, but today...It is not.

Dreams of horror and stress, amongst other negative emotions.

You don't even know how much I hate it when that happens. The only positive part of the whole experience is that it gets me right out of bed and writing. Everything has a good side to it I suppose, I have always believed that anyhow. Only one person I know understands this concept, but I am probably wrong.

If you have had a similar experience then tell me if you can relate.

Fortunately though, someone phoned me and sot of punched a hole in the murky film, and I can't even tell you how much I love it when that happens. Lets see if it helps.

I know this is weird, but I would just like to thank every one that likes me, for liking me, cause you really don't have to. On an arrogant note, I guess it isn't hard to like me, because I'm sweeter than Malibu Barbies meth shack and 10 times more motivating........Did I mention I just rolled out of bed having weird dreams.....I need to get wet and clean...

do do do dooo do....Ain't nobody dope as me............

"What is a 3 letter word for mans best friend?" "uum, Tit?" "Nope I already tried that one, it doesn't fit with the rest..."

2006-03-29T21:55:00.000-07:00

Welly Welly Welly Welly Well.

What is new?

Well lets start with today.

I have a job now starting Monday. I am a shipper/receiver at IBM. I wonder how many electro static bags I'll see, not to mention the electro static bag ladies!
It's a good job, cause it's something I've done before, at the hours I want, and it's right down town where it's easy for me to get to, so no complaints here. It is a good start.

Living with Jovknee is working out fairly well. He has been a good sport with driving me to hard to get places where my interviews are and what not. He's a good man, but his cat is pissing on everything and it doesn't seem like it is getting any better. I close my door all the time so my stuff is safe for now.
I have started a Vampire The Requiem game with my local friends here and they seem to be enjoying it. That's a good thing I guess. I don't know if I am going to game as often as I used to just for the simple fact that I have some other things on my plate.
I'm trying to get more of the Jacko story out, but it seems I've been jammed up for quite some time. I am sure though that something will reveal itself.

erm....Truth be told I have a lot more of that story written out, but it is more shite than the bit I posted :P

I am up to almost 145 hours on my internet station without repeating a song, I'm also getting a lot more listeners as well, and that kicks a sack of highly toned ass.

You can get to my station by clicking on THIS!!! And following the instructions if you are so interested.

I'm sorry guys, I'm not sure I have all that much to rant about right now but hopefully soon with the work starting and all, I'll have some things to chat about, although I don't think they will be as exciting as my friend Rimmy's escapades at his work place, we will soon find out.

But I will say this before I go...

THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED!!!

Winners Don't Use Drugs, But Then Again, They Keep Telling Us It's Not About Winning, It's How You Play The Game!

2006-03-14T20:10:00.000-07:00

Here I am folks, back on here and in a new location.

It has been damn busy the past month with getting my pale ass across the country and all. I must say though that having no roots again makes you feel kind of helpless. Lucky for me that has past mostly.

Things have been.........Interesting to say the least. It appears as my friend Rimmy puts it, that I have come full circle. I'm back with my old set of friends, who I can call my make shift family, and some friendships have grown to potential I never even considered until recently.

The Journey has been a long one since I have last been in Calgary, almost 6 years. I have changed quite a bit since then, and in some ways I can even say that I'm better for it.

All things move according to the whim of the great magnet.

Today I decided I was going to do something creative with the whole writing business but sadly, it didn't pan out, at least not yet. But it has been a while since I blogged, and I feel the need to give all of you something.

There has been a story I have been working on for some time, and I think it's time that I gave people a sample. So here it is. It is the very beginning of something, and I don't have the foggiest clue as to how it is going to end.

Enjoy.

Jacko Spencer

Well, how should I put this exactly?..... Jacko was a hard bastard... Jacko was tough. A hard boiled egg with a titanium yoke. That only described his inner nature and way of being , but the shell of this egg was just as rough. He only stood about five foot nine inches tall but with his purple and black mohawk hair style the entire being was about six foot five. Other than this mohawk he had no hair on his head. He was pretty skinny as well but muscle was defined on his ramshackle frame. Around this frame (Starting from the bottom up) were of course combat boots although he had these custom made with cleats(Don't ask me how he did it, and I've never seen him go golfing). Dusty black khakiÂs covered his lower half. These were a bit baggy and they tucked directly into his shit kicker golf shoes. A black leather belt held his pants up. This belt had a signature Danzig belt buckle (A skull with rams horns and fangs if I recall) only he always wore it upside down. Could never figure that one out. He usually wore one of those long sleeve black mesh shirts but if it happened to be colder that day he would wear a short sleeve black mesh shirt. These shirts would allow him to display a tattoo he had gotten while completely drunk on I.R.A. boiler makers. An I.R.A. Boiler maker is when you combine a shot of Jameson Irish whiskey with a pint of Guinness by the way.
The tattoo says in a kid like crayon fashion on his chest "If Society Was A Boar, I'd Be The Head Tit"
Wrapped around the entire package is a thin black trench coat with its sleeves rolled up to the elbow. He usually had spiked bracelets on as well but it depended on the day I suppose.
The pasty bastards face was very gaunt. High cheek bones, a strong jaw and a decent shaped head with its share of scars and Icy blue eyes. This in a fucked up nut shell, was Jacko Spencer.

This man has a friend.

Bruce MacKenzie was a Scotsman up to no good. He means well ,unless he's drunk ,and considering how often he's drunk it would be better to describe him in these times as doing well at being mean. Bruce is described by most pub patrons as a Musk Ox with a Kilt on except without the horns and with a fouler smell. He stands at about six feet and is almost as wide.
A main of strawberry blond hair and beard covered his whole head and face and he liked to wear blue dress shirts with his sleeves rolled up so that his massive arse crushing fore arms could be shown. A kilt of the MacKenzie tartan(How ever could you guess?) covered most of his burly legs and on his feet he wore steel toed construction boots, tan in colour with white(or slightly off white) socks that almost came up to his knees.
When he wasn't laid off and drunk, he was on the job at the local high school being a drunk janitor. But he was laid off most of the time probably because he would flash a wanker teacher or hit the odd student. These things arenÂt typically in the janitor job description.

These two fiends are about to have what we would call an adventure.

* * * *

Somewhere in England.....

There was Jacko, walking down the street looking rather parched. He needed to do some business today and he needed a drink before hand. So he went to the place he always went.
It was a local pub called The Monkeys Wagon and Jacko has had a lot of fond memories there. He also knows he can find his business associate in there as there was work to be done today.
Jacko pushed open the big oak doors and his senses were filled with the sight of tobacco fog, the smell of "damp".Mixeded with a lot of different revolting types of B.O. and ingestible accelerant, and the sound of thumpy clangy tunes. I believe the tune was "Baby Gonna Leave Me by Tom Waits". After clearing through the fog a bit, Jacko could see the regular patrons of this fine establishment gurgling and slobbering all round. Somewhere in the heap of this mob was Bruce, sipping at a tumbler of what could only be some sort of paint thinner but amber in colour. This Bar specialized in selling obscenely strong stuff after all.

"OiYouou skirt wearin Northern git!" bellowed Jacko.

"Aye what was that? That smells familiar! Thames run off if I'm not mistaken, must be that old puff Jacko!" Bruce gargled in reply.

A below of laughter from both of them and a hearty hand shake lead us to the next bit of this tale.

"Whatcha drinking Bruce?" Said Jacko.

"Everything!" bellowed Bruce.

"No mate, What are you drinking RIGHT NOW?"

"Er...Some Kind of scotch made locally. It has some daft name like 'Nipple Ripper' or something like that"

"Oi! Barkeep you fookin bastard! Another Nipple Ripper for my friend here!"

Jacko continued on.........

"So is it shite?"

"The Scotch?"

"No your mothers gag reflex, of course the scotch!"

"Well, once its halfway down its alright."

"Brilliant. Bar keep You Fookin Wanker! Another for me!"

They both sat in silence for what seemed to be a short time when an extremely annoyed bar keep brought them their drinks. Bruce was the one to break it. Bruce likes breaking things.

"Ahhh Jacko, I know why I'm here at this time on a Sunday but why are you? You shouldn't be out of bed for a least six hours."

"Well I got a job to do today, and I need you to help me."

"Who've ye pissed off now?"

"No no its not anything like that. Remember that old codger I used to work for? The crooked old Catholic priest?"

"Ach Aye! The Irish bastard"

"ThatÂs him yes. James McKay"

"Yeah Jim the Stone Bishop, anyone that does anything sideways for a profit round here has to take confession with him. I would say he liked your little angle."

"A bit too much if you ask me. I thought I got rid of the cunt but he said I havenÂt made my full donation yet. Unfinished business he says."

"It'll never be finished ye know that."

As it says at the beginning, Jacko was a hard bastard, but not as hard I'm afraid and Jim (The Stone Bishop) McKay. At leasNot.not yet. Jim was the kind of person you do dodgy business with. Jim is not the kind of person you piss off. Jim is an old gangster who liked to "punish" the "wicked". (Wicked, meaning any cunt with enough drywall in his head to even think about fucking him, and Punish as in a razor wire castration, a clorox flu shot, or a very very nasty shit kickin that would make a wood chipper green with envy.)

Jacko continued the conversation.

"So there are these blokes that owe me money. I was planning to go shake them up kung fu Jacko style when I get this phone call from one of the Bishops so called 'minions', He says that The Bishop heard about my little mission and that he wants a cut. Now I tried to tell him that I didn't work for The Bishop anymore and that they can stick it side ways in a place where only the men that worship rainbows dare to go.
But alas The Bishop is a tricky bastard and he knows me well , and had his crony calling me from a cell phone outside my flat, where he was hanging with a few friends. These friends had other small friends that throw small bits of metal at the speed of messy death, otherwise I would have went down there with my nail gun and started on the foundation of a beautiful red Victorian Bone house with tons of ventilation."

"Don't I know it" said Bruce grinning.

Bruce continued.

"So what ye gona do then?"

"Get my fucken money, thatÂs priority uno, I'll worry about McKay once thatÂs done...and of course I would like to include you on this expedition as alwaIf....if you're so inclined that is..."

"AYE! Right Fookin on! Why break an old and great partnership."

"I knew you would but I never assume with these things, Good to have ye along. "

They both then downed their drinks all and once, slammed em down on the table loud, and then they shouted at the top of their lungs..

" ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM! "

With that, they stood and walked out of the joint with confidence and vigor enough to fuel an army, and thatÂs exactly what they were, a two man army.

* * * * * * * * * *

Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself...........

2006-02-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

Man, I have been reading this book called The Devils Apocrypha by John A. De Vito and it tells basicly the other side of the story from Satans point of view and God Damn(All Puns Intended), he has some good stuff to say.......He really was mis understood.

I am now going to give you a little insight from a chapter called "The Book of Philosophies"

This Chapter focuses on Cain. You know the story, Cain slew his brother Able and was cursed by god for being a murderer and all that.....in this Chapter, Satan comes to him while he wonders in the land of Nod. Cain is mad because God and Satan both appeared to him, and in this book, if either God, Satan or any angel visits a mortal, or use vulgar magics on them, they go slightly mad, so Satan works a spell on Cain, to restore his mind, but that cost Cain his soul.

Cain was angry for a bit, but Satan consoled him, and sat and told him of his philosophies and how to live a just life...and here for you now...

The Book of Philosophies

After the Fallen Angel gave what comfort he could to the tormented Cain, He fell upon the discourses of Wisdom. And as the night drew itself upon Cain and the Fallen Angel, Satan shared his philosophies with his disciple.
"Listen to these words, for they come from all the souls which comprise my being. The words are simple yet they hold power. Abide by them and they shall serve thee well."
And so Cain Listened.....

----------

Do unto others as ye wish to do unto them. For this is thy right as a being of free will. Thou may treat thy neighbor good or ill, as per thy will. But remember this: He also is free to respond according to his will; and it would do thee well to temper thine action with judgment.

-------

Thou shalt not kill out of anger, lust or evil. Yet to protect that which is important---self, family, liberty---Kill swiftly without mercy. If thou art not willing to do this, ye shall lose all that matters to thee.

-------

Worry not of covetousness for thoughts are free and difficult to rein. Work, rather, in restaint of thine actions.

---------

Worship not idols, symbols, gods nor men. Worship only knowledge, freedom and thine own self.

--------

A man may do all he wishes to do. Yet it may not always be wise for him to do so.

-------

Listen to the opinions of others and weigh their merits, for others may see options ye have not. Yet follow thine own heart for the final decision. If art not willing to do this,then take heed: Thou hast delivered thy destiny into the hands of strangers.

------------

Truth is beauty, yet beauty is not Truth. Knowledge is power, but power is not knowledge. Keep thy logic in it's proper sequence.

------------

Faith is the greatest force within this universe. With it, ye may do all that is possible, and even that which is not. Yet ye must channel this energy within thine own soul: keep faith in thy hopes, faith in thy dreams, faith in thy self.

------------

Within thee lies the power of the gods. To Gain it, strive for understanding: of the firmament, of thine earth, of others, and most importantly, thy self.

-------------

Seek the philosophy within thy soul, for others cannot reveal it nor decline it to thee. Neither god nor man may lead thee to thy self, for only the indavidual soul knows it's own path.

----------

No one may control thee or manipulate thee unless ye allow it to be. Thee and thee alone art thy destiny's master.

-----------

Thy path in life must be thine own, let not others choose it for thee. If ye wish a chance at greatness, follow thine own path. If it should lead to misery, so be it. At least it is a misery of thine own choosing. And remember, ye may always try again.

--------

Curse not others if thy life is disordered, for the choice of direction rests ultimatly with thee. If ye must curse, then curse thine own self for allowing it. Yet this degradation serves no purpose. If thou art wrong, state in plainly, then work toward it's correction.

-------------

He who livith without purpose livith without life. If thou art without goals then ye shall accomplish nothing. Know what ye would like in life, then seek it out. It is that simple.

----------

Death comes to all, bidden or unbidden. Accept this, then live as if it were untrue.

------------

Thou shalt always have choices in life. But this does not garauntee that they shall be favourable choices,and, at times, the best ye may do is choose the lesser evil.

---------------

Nothing is impossible. Thy limits are without limit. However, if ye do not believe this, ye shall find thou art correct.

-----------------

If thou findest an inequity, ye must correct it. If thou art witness to injustice, ye must not stand idle. If ye come upon pain, then give relief. For if the lot of Man is to improve, the seer must be the doer.

-----------------

Judge and let thy self be judged. For it is thy right as a being of free will. Yet live a goodly life so that ye may judge fairly. And, should ye be falsely judged by others, it shall matter not.

-----------

Hear the instruction of thy mother and father, for experience was their teacher. Start with these teachings, then add thine own learning, and change that which must be changed.

-----------

If thou followest the philosophy of others and add nothing of thine own, then thou art no more than a beast of the field and have wasted thy soul.

----------

Carry not the sins of thy father with thee, for thou art thine own person and accountable only for thine own actions--not the actions of thy father, thy brother, thy tribe or thy race.

-------------

Allow thy children to live, think and feel freely, for the mother and the father know not all things.

------------

Believe in thine own self, and serve no other, for others know nothing of what is best for thee. Yet do not shut out opposing philosophies, for at times their teachings may be clearer than thine own.

---------------

There is no sin. Do that which is right for thee, for only in this can ye find true happiness. Yet remember always: thine earth is a shared place.

--------------------

Let morality guide thee, but not out of fear, Rather, follow it for thine own sake.

---------------------

Trust thy judgment with all thy heart. If ye can do this thing, then, truly ye shall not be forsaken.

----------------

Believe in thine own free will. Listen to it's dictates and not to the dictates of others. In this and this alone shall true happiness be found.

---------------

Blessed is he who findeth wisdom an seeketh knowledge, for these are more precious than gold: and the gain thereof shall be the immortal universe itself.

----------------

Friends are precious, keep them close, But thy family is sacred. One may treat them ill, slander them and do them evil. Yet when thy need is greatest, they shall always be with thee.

-------------

History is not a fixed thing. Although the event may remain constant, the interpretation is ever fluid. And the interpretation is all: for a grown man will look back upon a childhood act and see his guilt, where earlier he saw only vindication. Change the mind and change the past----and with it, the present and future.

--------------

Be not the hedonist, seize not the day without an eye to the morrow. Yet enjoy the flesh, for it is thy legacy.

------------

Thou hast within thee gifts without measure and power beyond comprehension. Ye need but use them. Take pride in thy gifts, pride in thy power, and pride in thy accomplishments.

--------------

Seek not the praise of others and heed not their condemnation--for within thee and thee alone lies the power of self--fulfillment.

--------------

Thou art neither better nor worse than thy neighbor, no matter how much more righteous or evil he may be.

-------------

Hope maketh the heart stronger, where desire unfulfilled maketh the heart ill. Hope for fulfillment and work toward it's acheivment. And if thy goals go unmet, ye shall still find peace, for within the journey does the true goal lie.

---------------

Error and forgivness are the traits of humanity, fear and condemnation are the traits of gods. Strive to be human: strive not to be gods.

----------------

Subjugate thyself not to God nor to man, for subjugation knows no honor. Why should the Father wish His children to kneel in fear before Him? Better to die free than live as a sheep.

---------------------

There are those who understand reason and those who understand violence. Reason is wasted on the violent man and violence is wasted on the reasonable man. If thou wishest to hear thee, speak in his language or speak not at all.

-------------------

Ye may speak truth or deception, according to thine own free will, But to thine own self, know the difference.

--------------------

If a man wrongs thee, look to thyself to see why thou hast allowed the transgression. Learn from it, then seek vindication or reconciliation, as ye see fit.

------------------

Others may lead thee to temptation, but only by thine own hand can ye partake of it. If thou later seekest to lay blame, seek thyself.

----------------------

In life, some have more and some have less. Yet what matter? Peace and happiness stem from within, not without.

-----------------------

Do what thee will with thy life. Give freely, Love freely and expect nothing. In this ye shall find true hapiness, and there will be no reason for disappointment.

------------------

If thou desires and action to come about then bring it about. Ye may fail but then, Ye may not.

----------------

There is knowledge in all things, in all actions, in all places. Learn from all things. It may come from the mouth of a child as easily as from the wisest men. Always listen, always learn: Knowledge is all around thee.

-----------------

Knowledge is a painful thing, for it always bears a price. Accept the risk and pain, for life without risk and pain is no life at all.

------------------------

Look not to the Lord God for direction; look not to Satan, Look instead, to thine own self.

--------------------------

Live each day as if it were the last day. Yet live it also as if it were not.

------------------------

If thou wishest to die, then thou art dead already.

----------------

Thou art stronger than thee can ever know, search for the strength that dwells within. It is there. It is waiting. And somewhere out there, someone needs you more than you can ever imagine.

----------------

Life and Hope are one. Seek thy gifts and share them. It is for this reason thour art truly here.

-------------------

If thou wishest life in death, then ye must live in life.

-----------------------

That which ye can touch and hold and lose is of little importance. The greatest thing in life cannot be taken.

----------------------

It comes to this: by design, the Race of Man is half man and half beast. Thou art not beings of reason, but, rather beings capable of reason. There is much difference between the two. Excercise thy capabilities.

--------------------

Thou art a being of free will. Ye may follow the instincts of the beast or the reason of the man. The choice has been forever yours. Yet know this: a life ruled by the beast shall lead thee to subjugation and destruction, for it is the beast that is in thrall of the Lord God.

---------------------

For everything there is a time: a time to live, a time to die, a time for peace, a time for war; a time to create and a time to destroy. Learn to tell time.

-------------------

The flesh is a vessel, a conduit to the immortal. If thou learnest from thy travels, the destination is assured.

-----------------

It is in thy nature to take the farmiliar for granted.Strive against this. Question always, question often, in this shall ye keep what is most important. The price for thine immortal soul is constant vigilance.

-------------

Seek to understand the unknown. Expand thy thoughts and seek out knowledge, for in this shall ye become as One in death.

------------

The answers to all things are always within thy grasp. Ye carry within thee all that is needed to comprehend the infinite. And it is waiting for thee to find it.

----------------

He who knows himself, knows others, for a piece of ourselves dwells within every other.

----------------

If ye have not known hate, pain, greed,and cowardice then thou has not known love, pleasure, generosity and courage--for they are all degrees of the same ideal. Accept both the good and the bad within thee, for there is no separating the two. Without one, the other has no meaning.

----------------------

Until life has given thee it's worst, thou hast not been at thy best.

-----------------------

All has been brought to bear against thee. The instincts were bred into thee:thy laws created for they could not be kept. Question all, for this is the path to Oneness. Heed not the beliefs, laws, and actions of others unless they suit thee. And be prepared to die for this.

------------------

Fear of the Lord is the end of Knowledge and reason, and these two persuits are the keys that shall free thy soul. If ye sacrifice the philosophies, then ye shall cease to grow in spirit. And there shall be no life in death.

-------------------------

And so it ended, for it was enough.
"Remember what has been said here" Satan concluded."For the salvation of the earth is contained within the simple words thou hast heard here this night."
"Yes I see the truth in what Ye say, Teacher" Cain replied. "And of all things, one must learn to recognise the truth."
And Satan said" For one with no soul, Cain, ye art wiser than many. Take the life ye have been given and make it purposful, regardless of what hast befallen thee. We are remembered for what we do and how we live: make yours a goodly rememberance."
"I say again to thee Cain, take what I have given thee this night. Thou art a tiller of soil: take the seeds of wisdom I have placed within thee, plant them, tend them, see that they take root."

"Remember this always"

And Cain did remember, Always.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I find this abundently better than those commandment thingies.

All Hail the Fallen
And Iggy Pop

"Knock Knock" "Who's There?" "Gestapo!" "Gestapo Who?!" "Heh....fool...We Don't Knock"...

2006-02-08T20:05:00.000-07:00

Someone recently sent me something. It was a chain letter type thing, and quite frankly, it pissed me right off. Here is the letter I got...

Never doubt the Word of God!!! Make a personal reflection about this. Very interesting, read until the end... It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7): " Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Here are some men and women who mocked God:

JOHN LENNON: Some years before during his interview with an American Magazine, he said: "Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue about that. I am certain. Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple, Today we are more famous than Him" (1966)" Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.

TANCREDO NEVES: During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500 votes from his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency. Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made President, then he died.

CAZUZA: During a show in CanecÃÂ£o ( Rio de Janeiro ), whilst smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said: God, that's for you. I can't even explain how he died.

THE MAN WHO BUILT TITANIC: After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the Titanic would be. With an ironic tone he said: "Not even God can sink it" The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic.

MARILYN MONROE: She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show. He is a preacher and Evangelist and the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her. After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said: "I don't need your Jesus" A week later, she was found dead in her apartment.

BON SCOTT: The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang: "DonÃÂ´t stop me, IÃÂ´m going down all the way, wow the highway to hell". On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by his vomit.

CAMPINAS/SP IN 2005 In Campinas, a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend. The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter - holding her hand, who was already seated in the car: "MY DAUGHTER, GO WITH GOD AND MAY HE PROTECT YOU", She responded: ONLY IF HE (GOD) TRAVELS IN THE BOOT, COZ INSIDE HERE IT'S ALREADY FULL" Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died, the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the boot was intact. The police said there was no way the boot could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the boot was a crate of eggs, none was broken.

Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus. Many have died, but only Jesus died and rose again, and he is still alive. JESUS!!!

P.S: If it was a joke, you could have sent it to everyone. So are you going to have courage to send this?. I have done my part, Jesus said "If you get embarrassed about me, I will also get embarrassed about you before my father What benefit does it have, if a man gains the whole world but loses his soul? What can man give in exchange of his soul? (Mathew 16:26).

----------------------------------------------

First off.....I'm not against Christianity, I want to make that perfectly clear. I think that if you have a belief and it gives your life purpose and meaning, then it's a good thing.

Much like shock rockers, it's not the artist, but the fans that are a problem, and so goes the same thing with most religions. It's the followers that get a bit obsessive and the particular tactic they use here is complete batshit.
What tactic? The Fear tactic. Fear God and do what he says.....or else.

This makes me irate.

These people can't seriously believe, that God smote them for mocking him...

Yeah and you better not either lest the same thing happens to YOU!

Let me tell you something. I'm not Christian, but as I said above, I don't have a problem with it.
But I have read the bible, and if god made us in his own image Then. the guy has a sense of fucking humour.
He knows if you're damned and he knows if you're not. It isn't a big deal.

If you want to be a Christian, go love your fellow man, don't judge them, and don't send out dumb ass letters like this! You have better things to do like, oh I don't know, FEED A POOR PERSON!!

If you want to promote your religion, I don't have a problem with it either, just don't hit me with a dogmatic ultimatum. In fact it's this kind of thinking that turned me off of it in the first place.

It's funny how they didn't mention all the good virtuous things the people above did.....

Another thing , READ THE WHOLE BOOK!!! Just because one fucking Psalm or Corinthians makes sense to you doesn't mean you should take it so seriously by itself. Believe it or not (whether I agree with the book or not) there are some lessons in there....Like.. a lot of other books.....Take.a look at those instead.....

I'm not pissed at the person who sent this, Although I am curious as to why they thought I would dig it.

The person that composed it though can go floss their ass with a burning thistle bush!

LET THERE BE BLIGHT!!!!!

And he looked upon it, and saw that it was good!

....So I said to her, I'll explain the dildo, if YOU explain the kids!!

2006-02-04T01:42:00.000-07:00

There is something in me.......

I feel I need to write about it but I can't put my finger on exactly what it is.

I went dancing with a few friends this evening. It was a weird night for all of us. The female friend I was with exclaimed"Man my reason for acting weird is biological, what is your guy's excuse?!"

But alas we had none.

The bar played an ok set, but there was just no real dancing for me...Or for any of us for that matter. It just wasn't that fun. No matter, there will be other nights.

To me the night had a weird film on it, like something was about to happen....

Good or bad I had no idea, but it was one of those nights I guess where you feel one chapter of your life closing and another one beginning. Something about that is scary because you just got used to the chapter, but you know things have changed so you know you must move along. There is also something very exciting about it with some nervous tension, like the first time you are intimate with someone new.

Some things happen that lead me to believe we choose our own life to a point, and then a bunch of randomness makes up the rest.....Cause it makes sense to me that way but then, sometimes things happen in your life and you have to wonder if it isn't all connected somehow, like things happen for a reason, for good or ill.

I really don't know if any of you are getting what I'm putting out....But it is just odd, but something kinda funny happened to me just before I entered the bar.

I was walking along, when suddenly, this older woman with no teeth and a baseball cap tugs on my sleeve and says......"HEY!!! You see this mother fucker?! 'points to person handing out Christian pamphlets of some sort' TAKE THIS MOTHER FUCKER OUT!!!"

I replied with" Sorry, I'm trying to quit" a clever saying I snagged from my "comet" as it were ;)

A couple of guys just started laughing at that, and I went to the bar. Other than the weirdness, I've been snickering at that all night. This woman in her drunken haze selected me as the angel of Death to this pamphlet chucker.

I certainly hope that isn't my purpose.....

I'm fucking off, I'm knackered.......

A Strange Kind of Love.......

2006-02-01T21:35:00.000-07:00

Here is another song by Nick Cave that I just thought was one of the most beautiful songs ever....brings tears to eyes.......

Enough of my dribble......here is the Lyrics.

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Where The Wild Roses Grow

They call me The Wild Rose
But my name was Elisa Day
Why they call me it I do not know
For my name was Elisa Day

From the first day I saw her I knew she was the one
She stared in my eyes and smiled
For her lips were the colour of the roses
That grew down the river, all bloody and wild

When he knocked on my door and entered the room
My trembling subsided in his sure embrace
He would be my first man, and with a careful hand
He wiped at the tears that ran down my face

On the second day I brought her a flower
She was more beautiful than any woman I'd seen
I said, "Do you know where the wild roses grow
So sweet and scarlet and free?"

On the second day he came with a single red rose
Said: "Will you give me your loss and your sorrow"
I nodded my head, as I lay on the bed
He said, "If I show you the roses, will you follow?"

On the third day he took me to the river
He showed me the roses and we kissed
And the last thing I heard was a muttered word
As he knelt above me with a rock in his fist

On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow
And she lay on the bank, the wind light as a thief
And I kissed her goodbye, said, "All beauty must die"
And lent down and planted a rose between her teeth

They call me The Wild Rose
But my name was Elisa Day
Why they call me it I do not know
For my name was Elisa Day

----------------------------------------------------

Ok so it loses something when you just put the lyrics down, but trust me...the song is amazing. I will have something new of all you guys soon enough, but for now......you have the poem.

Peace Out

"You're The Only One That Understands........Let's Burn EVERYTHING!!!!!!"

2006-01-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

Ah...It has been a while......And my life well...It's turned topsy fucking turvy.

New years 05/06 was an interesting time.

It was the night that turned everything I knew inside out, for good and for bad.

I won't go over all the details but here is the gist.

Events happened that night to lead to the break up of my fiance of 5 years.
Perhaps it was a long time coming, I don't know. My life just changed overnight like a train that just suddenly switched tracks.....And like a train, I just kept on going, I didn't have a choice.
There are some reasons for this that I can name, and a lot of reasons I can't, all I know, was that it had to happen.

Because of this I had no reason to give my fiance, no good reason anyway, and I crushed her....

It's a horrible thing to do, and for that I'm a right bastard, but what could I do...?
I was only following what I felt was right.

Something positive came out of this thing though.......And it's growing.....

All things serve the whim of the great magnet....I feel it's pull every minute of every day......

Moving along to something less cryptic....I am moving to Calgary.

On the 21st of Feb I will arrive there. I have lots of chosen family out there....Among other things.......;) I have lots of real family out there too.

It is a new step on a new Journey, and even though what I did to my fiance will leave a scar that won't heal....Sometimes, there is nothing you can do but move forward.

Perhaps I am wrong about all of this and am doing the wrong thing.....But I don't think so.....

The Magnet pulls....And that gives me confidence and hope.

Until next time Kids......

It's Christmas Bitches! I Got Ho Ho Ho's In Different Area Codes!

2005-12-25T20:48:00.000-07:00

I think this whole rap lingo is fucken hilarious.

Anyhow, it be Christmass and I just wanted to send a shout out to all my peeps around the country.

Rimmy, Du-Pac, Jovknee, Kibilz, Pure and Simple, Ark, squirrel, Gravedigger, Indi, Randy, Haley, Dale, Brock, Dave and Vanessa.....And if I forgot anyone well boo fucking hoo.

Any how, even though some of us aren't having such a good time as others for certain reasons, My best witches...er...Wishes go out to everyone.......No I'm not an Arcane Pimp, so SHUT IT!

I'm Out.

Solid!

What I always wanted to do, but in the Denny's/Perkins here in Kelowna

2005-12-19T12:18:00.000-07:00

When I go insane......notice I didn't say if, I said when......

I'm going to return home and call everyone I know to the coffee shop here....and I'll let Nick Cave here tell you the rest......

I am tall and I am thin
Of an enviable hight
And I've been known to be quite handsome
In a certain angle and in certain light

Well I entered into O'Malley's
Said, "O'Malley I have a thirst
"O'Malley merely smiled at meSaid
"You wouldn't be the first"

I knocked on the bar and pointed
To a bottle on the shelf
And as O'Malley poured me out a drink
I sniffed and crossed myself

My hand decided that the time was nigh
And for a moment it slipped from view
And when it returned, it fairly burned
With confidence anew

Well the thunder from my steely fist
Made all the glasses jangle
When I shot him, I was so handsome
It was the light, it was the angle

"Neighbours!" I cried, "Friends!" I screamed
I banged my fist upon the bar"
I bear no grudge against you!"
And my dick felt long and hard

"I am the man for which no God waits
But for which the whole world yearns
I'm marked by darkness and by blood
And one thousand powder-burns"

Well, you know those fish with the swollen lips
That clean the ocean floor
When I looked at poor O'Malley's wife
That's exactly what I saw

I jammed the barrel under her chin
And her face looked raw and vicious
Her head it landed in the sink
With all the dirty dishes

Her little daughter Siobhan
Pulled beers from dusk till down
And amongst the townfolk she was a bit of a joke
But she pulled the best beer in town

I swooped magnificent upon he
rAs she sat shivering in her grief
Like the Madonna painted on the church-house wall
In whale's blood and banana leaf

Her throat it crumbled in my fist
And I spun heroically around
To see Caffrey rising from his seat
I shot that mother fucker down

"I have no free will", I sang
As I flew about the murder
Mrs. Richard Holmes, she screamed
You really should have heard her

I sang and I laughed, I howled and I wept
I panted like a pup
I blew a hole in Mrs. Richard Holmes
And her husband stupidly stood up

As he screamed, "You are an evil man"
And I paused a while to wonder
"If I have no free will then how can I
Be morally culpable, I wonder"

I shot Richard Holmes in the stomach
And gingerly he sat down
And he whispered weirdly, "No offense"
And then lay upon the ground

"None taken", I replied to him
To which he gave a little cough
With blazing wings I neatly aimed
And blew his head completely off

I've lived in this town for thirty years
And to no-one I am a stranger
And I put new bullets in my gun
Chamber upon chamber

And I turned my gun on the bird-like Mr. Brookes
I thought of Saint Francis and his sparrows
And as I shot down the youthful Richardson
It was St. Sebastian I thought of, and his arrows

I said, "I want to introduce myself
And I am glad that all you came"
And I leapt upon the bar
And shouted out my name

Well Jerry Bellows, he hugged his stool
Closed his eyes and shrugged and laughed
And with an ashtray as big as a fucking really big brick
I split his head in half

His blood spilled across the bar
Like a steaming scarlet brook
And I knelt at it's edge on the counter
Wiped the tears away and looked

Well, the light in there was blinding
Full of God and ghosts of truth
I smiled at Henry Davenport
Who made an attempt to move

Well, from the position I was standing
The strangest thing I ever saw
The bullet entered through the top of his chest
And blew his bowels out on the floor

Well I floated down the counter
Showing no remorse
I shot a hole in Kathleen Carpenter
Recently divorced

But remorse i felt and remorse I had
It clung to every thing
From the raven's hair upon my head
To the feathers on my wings

Remorse sqeezed my hand in it's fradulent claw
With it's golden hairless chest
And I glided through the bodies
And killed the fat man Vincent West

Who sat quietly in his chair
A man become a child
And I raised the gun up to his head
Executioner-style

He made no attempt to resis
tSo fat and dull and lazy
"Did you know I lived in your street?" I said
And he looked at me as though I were crazy

"O", he said, "I had no idea"
And he grew as quiet as a mouse
And the roar of the pistol when it went off
Near blew that hat right off the house

Well, I caught my eye in the mirror
And gave it a long and loving inspection
"There stands some kind of man", I roared
And there did, in the reflection

My hair combed back like a raven's wing
My muscles hard and tight
And curling from the business end of my gun
Was a query-mark of cordite

Well I spun to the left, I spun to the right
And I spun to the left again
"Fear me! Fear me! Fear me!"
But no one did cause they were dead

And then there were the police sirens wailing
And a bull-horn squelched and blared
"Drop your weapons and come out
With your hands held in the air"

Well, I checked the chamber of my gun
Saw I had one final bullet left
My hand, it looked almost human
As I raised it to my head

"Drop your weapon and come out!
Keep your hands above your head!"
I had one one long hard think about dyin
And did exactly what they said

There must have been fifty cops out there
In a circle around O'Malley's bar
"Don't shoot", I cried, "I'm a man unarmed!"
So they put me in their car

And they sped me away from that terrible scene
And I glanced out of the window
Saw O'Malley's bar, saw the cops and the cars
And I started counting on my fingers......

one......two.......three...........

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds--O'Mally's Bar

See you all in a few years :D

Power the World......WITH KITTENS!

2005-12-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

I got into Kelowna B.C. about 2 days ago now.

The trip didn't seem as long as I remember....But it was long I assure you. I don't want to complain though, cause I'm here and I've know people that have made way longer trips.
So I get home and my mom has this kitten, about 6 months old called Midnight.

This cat is the ultimate in kitty sweetness. I'm telling you! This cat could give diabetes to a hummingbird it's so sweet. Super super cuddly, and entertaining as hell to play with, so entertaining in fact, that she gave me an Idea.

You could just sack all nuclear power now and set up kitten generators.

Because, this kitten along with many of her brethren, has soooo much energy it isn't even funny, except that it is, especially when you get out the laser pointer.

Wind and kittens man, the renewable sources of power for the future!

Just get a bunch of people to play with kittens all day and I kid you not, by the end of an hour you'll have enough moxy to power a house for a week. Also if they find a way to harness cuteness as a power source, damn then we're all set!

Well that's about all I have for you this morning, except this...

You know what's funnier than seeing an East Indian with an Afro?

You'll have to tell me because to date, I haven't been able to find anything.

I Caved.....

2005-12-15T23:25:00.000-07:00

Ok so, here IS another one, but it's from someone cool, so it's ok

Pick ONE from each pair that you think describes me the best & leave it in the comments. Then copy this and post it in your own journal to see how your friends view you.

* dominant or submissive*
logical or intuitive*
social or loner*
kinky or vanilla*
cute or sophisticated*
kitten or puppy*
warm flannel sheets or sleek satin*
leader or follower*
quiet or talkative*
spontaneous or planned*
teddy bear or porcelain doll*
hiking or window shopping*
tequila or vodka*
top or bottom*
barefoot or shoes*
jeans or slacks*
tender or rough*
aware or dreamy*
nerd or geek

I Have Absolutely NO Problem With Christianity, It's Those Bloody Christians That Make The Religion So Fucking Unbearable!

2005-12-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

..Ok right! So you've got your tongue down her throat and her legs are up on the mantle piece.....

Sorry......Wrong window......

Greetings all.

Well tomorrow I head back west to see my family and friends. It should be a total blast. I hope I don't die on the plane ride. At least being of Norse decent I know where I'm going...Want a preview? Click HERE!

Seeing that I'm comfy for whatever awaits me.

I'm homeless as of the 28th of Febuary, unless I thought I was.

I am moving in with a couple of friends, which is good cause it will give me a lot of extra cash, as living alone is great it is also expensive. This new year seems like a good one, I've got my eye on the finger and my balls crossed...........or.....Something along those lines. ;)

Anyhow, not much else to say right now, so I'll talk to you all when I'm in B.C.!!

oh yes, I guess it's time for me to post one of these stupid things, it will be the first, last and only. So pay attention!

What's going on in your life?> >> >> >
1. What is your occupation? If the world was a boar, I'd be the head Tit...That give you a clue?
2. What color are your underwear? Thermal
3. What are you listening to right now? A Song Called "In Love With The Night" by Funker Vogt
4. What was the last thing you ate? Microwavable bowl of Tariaki Steak and Noodles
5. Do you wish on stars? If I was on Angolina Jolie, I would wish I could last longer
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? A Broken Blue one that is half eaten by a 4 year old
7. How is the weather right now? Snowing and blowing like a whore in dept
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My Fiance
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Why not, It's Christmas
10. How old are you today? 27
11. Favorite 'alcohol'? Anything that stays down, or, Guinness, or Irish Whiskey, or Rye, or Scotch
12. Favorite sport to watch? The Kitty 500 (Cats tearing around the house for no real reason at all)
13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, Purple once and now its BLACK BLACK BLACK BLACK #1
14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Neither help, but I have cosmetic ones that make my Irises white
15. Pets? One Cat, and one creature I feed kids to under the stairs
16. Favorite food? Babies, a la Mode
17. What was the last movie you watched? Your Mom was in it, and she was doing something obscene on a jungle gym with a jack hammer...
18. Favorite day of the year? Halloween
19. What do you do to vent anger? Push old ladies into oncoming Jehova's Witnesses
20. Fall or Spring? Fall Bitches!
21. Hugs or kisses? I tend to jump straight to the clitoris
22. Cherry or Blueberry? Both are pretty good
23. Do you want your friends to email you back? If they like
24. Who is most likely to respond? Don't know, if it's on me blog, could be anyone.
25. Who is least likely to respond? Maggie Thatcher
26. Who do you live with? I Live alone, but not for long....
27. When was the last time you cried? A while ago.....
28. What is on the floor of your closet? Box of recording stuff
29. Who is the friend you have had the longest? I would Have to say my friend Chad, I've known him 17 years
30. What did you do last night? Sleep...Too much
31. Favorite smell? Woman, not perfume although some of those smell nice too, but I mean real woman smell, it relates to the fact that women don't sweat, the glisten.
32. What inspires you? ROCK'N ROLL
33. What are you afraid of? Zombies.....And flying stinging insects.....
34. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburger? Sounds good to me...
35. Favorite car? Any Wrapped around a telephone pole with a dead drunk driver inside.
36. Favorite dog breed? Werewolf
37. Number of keys on your key ring? 3 or 4
38. How many years at your current job? See Question # 1
39. Favorite day of the week? Any day I can BUST A MOVE!
40. How many countries have you lived in? One
41. How many cities have you lived in/name them? er 4, Edmonton till I was 9 Kelowna till I was 22 then moved to Calgary for 7 months, then moved back to Kelowna, and then moved out to London Ontario when I turned 24
42. If you could change your name what would you change it to? Hannibal, or maybe just Rex....

It is Better to Have Loved and Lost, then to Have Paid For it and Not Liked It.

2005-12-09T07:13:00.000-07:00

First a tune I dig....

Iggy Pop--Till Wrong Feels Right.

I took a poundin
From the Radio Today
I heard the radio say
Some peace of shit..
Was the Sound of Today

I took a beatin
When I saw my TV play it
I saw my TV play it
Over and Over
And there was no escape

The box is hollow
And that riff is fucken dead
That riff is fucken dead
But the riff is poundin
In my fucken head

Their gona push it
Until false is true
Until day is night
Their gona push it baby
Until Wrong feels Right

Until Wrong Feel Right

It's a bg industry
And they can beat my brain
With houses cars and shame
They are insane
Yeah
But they can beat my brain

God and his captains
They wana pull the fucken plug
They wana pull the fucken plug
And give the skies
Back to the Birds and Bugs

I was thinking about commercial radio and TV and figure that this song said it best.

Way to go again Iggy, you are a true genius.

I'm sick again.

Which is kinda funny, I got the Flu shot yesterday, but the Doc says I gots a harmless cold...Not the flu..So I guess I'm good.

Still feel just as shitty.

The last time I was ill THIS came out of me.....And I'm quite proud of it, although I'm having a huge writers block and its pissing me off. But I'm going to keep on tryin.

I got in touch with a cousin of mine I haven't spoken to in a long while and things are going well. I look forward to see her and her boys, as well as some other family members when I go back to B.C.

I am then looking forward to seeing family and friends out in Calgary. I may have said these things in a previous post so if I'm rambling it's the sick doing it's thing.

Not much else to tell, so I'll leave you with some more lyrics.

Primus--De'Anza Jig

Oh I can still remember
Jenny Hernando
She was my little lovely one when I was 17
I remember the day when she
Gave me her virginity
And then she gave it to everyone
In our vicinity

Oh I can still remember
Julie Tolentino
The dancin Filipino
We used to run around
Her and Flouncing Freddy
Were going hot and steady
Now she runs a dyke bar
The biggest one in town

Oh I can can still remember
My old friend Todd Squelate
I watched him snort a
Milkshake right up his nose
He'd snort it up the left side
And blow it out the right side
How it ever kept down
I will Never know

Oh I can still remember
Ol' Flouncin Freddy
We were pumpin gas
Down at El Sobrante Shell
His Mustang was his pride and joy
He liked to dance the cowboy
Hanging around at Jack in the Box
But eat at Taco Bell.

YEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAWWW!!!!!

This is not a Pentagram, I'm just 5/6 Jewish.

2005-12-02T02:17:00.000-07:00

Greetings one and all!

Looks like the Hellidaze are upon us. I for once am looking forward to it, as I get to go back and see my family and friends after a long years time.

I'm going to a Christmas party on Saturday, and for that I am going to attempt to make a gingerbread coffin. Again I've never made anything gingerbread, so we shall see how it goes. I may even have pics.

My cat Stimpy is still missing, That is going to kill me when I get home, and I'm not afraid to say that a few garments are going to be soaked salty. Yes, I'm that much of a man...

Something else has put a nip in my rickers.

About a couple of months back I sent a friend of mine a wedding gift. I didn't have much, but I sent what I could to him, cause he and I have been friends for a good 13 years and I figure that means something.

So I send it.

I figure it takes a while to get across the country so I waited for a bit, until recently when I realized I haven't heard from my friend in like 2 months since the gift was sent. I had seen him online a few times briefly since then but nothing for long.

So...

The other day I saw him online and he had been online the whole day. So after a while I sent him a message. Yes, I had to send HIM one...

I say "BITCH! You get my package?!"

This is all in good humour you understand......Mostly........

After a while he replies, "Yeah I did thx" and then "sorry, I've been busy"

huh

That is all I have heard from him since, and I only have one thing to say.

Dude, You, are a dick.

Sorry lol I love you man, but you're a dick. I had no idea the gift even got to him, It certainly didn't come back to me. C'mon it takes 2 minutes to knock off an e-mail saying you got the gift, and thank you.....WTF...Too busy my corpse painted ass :P

Enough Abuse!

Training at the station is going great! Although some of their equipotent is being repaired and I don't know if I'll get more training in till the new year because of it.
I ended up going up there yesterday only to find out I couldn't do any training, but I stayed and helped them out with labeling and what not, it is after all a volunteer powered radio station. Earned brownie points and got to know a few of the locals, not bad at all...

Anyhow, I'm fucken beat, so I'm off!

My Name Is Mud......But Call Me Alowishus Devander Abercrombie, That's Long For Mud..So I've Been Told...

2005-11-18T01:25:00.000-07:00

Well Kids, What's to tell.

Not much. But there is a little.

My Modern game that I put on this post, is almost ready to go but I have been stumped about a few things. So I decided as a change of pace that I will run a D&D game for a while before I run the Sundered World game.

I was hoping my players would not be frustrated at the change, and it appears that they aren't, so they tell me.

My regular players are Rimmy, Jovknee, and Depaxus, but Jovknee hasn't been paying his internet bill and hasn't been seen in quite some time. He has tried to contact me through e-mail and phone though. I got the messages, and thanks. I hope to see you online again soon. Safe to say that the Sundered World game requires all 3 players, but the D&D game only needs 2.

Other than gaming, I did make it up to the radio station for my first training sessions on Wednesday at CHRW. That was kick ass.

I am hoping for a show of my very own near the beginning of next year. Cross your fingers kids.

Also my plans for going back to B.C. at Christmas time are all made, and near the end of December I will be traveling to Calgary Alta to visit some of my friends there as well so hopefully the hellidaze this year will be a hoot, like last year.

Still no sign of my cat Stimpy though. I'm still hoping for the best but I have a feeling he's not coming back this time. I hope my cat does come back though.

Anyhoo for now, that's all I have to say.

I'll keep you posted.

"Pookie's Avenged 1 For 1 + 5!!!"

2005-11-05T12:01:00.000-07:00

I can't say things have been good, but again compared so some people on this planet, it isn't bad.

My Fiance is having a rough time, as her close cousins husband has had kidney failure and has to be on dialysis. The same week her Aunt had a stroke losing most of not all of the mobility on her left side. So things haven't been fun for her.

I'm doing better but not by much.

In one of my last posts I told you my moms cat had to be put down. Well for the past week and a half MY cat decided to disappear. Not my cat that lives with me(She is an inside cat ) but the one living at my moms. As My moms cat has been with her for 12 years, this cat has been with me for an equal 12, as they were brother and sister.
Now my cat has disappeared before I'll admit, and there is a funny story about one of the times, but it seems that this time seems final some how and I don't like that feeling.

But to lighten the mood, I mine as well tell it. Perhaps on some weird cosmic level, it will help my cat return. You just never really know in this life.

The Story.

One day Stimpy(My cat) went missing. What a start eh?

I remember him being missing for about 4 weeks. It was a long 4 weeks.
So I was trying to deal with it as best I can hanging out with friends at my cottage and hoping for the best.
One day while I was at the cottage(If you want in depth knowledge of the place and what it meant to me and my friends click on THIS!!!) I went into the garage to get something. I can't really remember what it was I wanted to get, but I was looking hard for it. Anyhow I remember getting on my hands and knees to look at the lower shelves when I saw this little orange and white fur ball.

It was him! What the hell?!

My grandmother didn't live far from my place but she didn't live close either(That's where the cottage was if you didn't bother to read THIS!!!!! To find out)
so how the hell was it that my cat got all the way over here?!
We figure that mayhap he followed me there one time while I was walking, but when Stimpy follows he stays close and meows, A LOT so we had to discard that reason. The only reason we could think of at the time was this.

About a month ago my grandfather drove over to our house to fix something and when Stimpy was investigating my grandfathers van he realized that there was a place he could get into in the engine. So he curled up inside and the next thing he knew he was moving! But he bid his time and when the van had stopped he found himself in a strange place for 4 weeks. I was at the cottage every fucken weekend of those 4 weeks and he was right there in the same yard as me.

So that's the story. The other time he went missing was when he was trapped by our landlord and for some reason brought to the Wallmart parking lot. I guess at the time that's where the SPCA picked up trapped animals.

Rumor has it the landlord is trapping again, so I hope he turns up. My mom the great lady she is is looking everywhere for him day and night. Considering that cat annoyed her to death, its a damn fine effort on her part.

that's basically what is going on with me.

There is another thing I did a few weeks ago aswell.

You remember my post a while back about my cousin, his wedding, and my thoughts? Well if you don't, you can find it here.

I got a lot of heat from that post, but that is understandable.

I was thinking a lot about it a few weeks ago and decided that it was a good time to e-mail my cousin. I was listening to the band Enigma and remembered many fond memories my cousin and I shared. I apolologized to him in this e-mail, as I realized my feelings have hurt him pretty bad. I was always sorry for that, but in the e-letter I had to say it right to him.
I haven't got any response although I don't expect one. Even though I had my reasons, it doesn't change the fact that he didn't have my support on what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life. It's understandable that he wouldn't respond.

I am happy for him and his wife and I wish them both well.

It's a new start I figure, and negativity has no place in that. So I'm not adding any more. If they can forgive me that's cool, if not I can't say I blame them.

But I figure its worth mentioning that if they need my help with anything at all they know where I am.

That's it for me today kids.

110 Bitches!!

2005-10-21T02:24:00.000-06:00

It's happened. My radio station has hit 110 hours of music with out repeating a song.

You can hear these great tunes by going to the shoutcast website.

After which you search for "Nightmares, Whispers, and Screams"

that's me. Gothic, Industrial, Darkwave, weirdness, and humor, amongst other things aswell.

Enough wanking.

Nothing much going on really. I'm glad its getting fucking cold finally though.
That means no more muggy humid weather. Instead we get lots and lots of snow and muggy wet coldness. I don't mind that, cause I can escape from it, under covers and such.
It's almost been a month since my last post and I don't even know what to write about. I have been looking to expand my education options as the broadcasting coarse is almost impossible to get into. Volunteering is difficult because it's hard to get a hold of those bastards. Perhaps I should persue creative writing, it can't hurt after all.

I have though been trying to write a game setting for White Wolf. It is meant to be a mixed venue rather than just focus on Vampires orWerewolves or Mages exclusively. I've put them in a group setting. I have a rough draft of it...And let me emphasize "Rough Draft". Here goes. Let me know what you think....Or not...

Sundered World
Concept

Sundered World is an alternate setting for the World of Darkness system. The setting in the World of Darkness Rulebook is pretty much unaltered, as is the Theme and Mood. The Mythos is a bit different though as it includes Vampires, Werewolves, and Mages in one collective story rather than three separate ones. Instead of each creature seeming to origin from separate roots, Sundered World puts them all in the same boat together.
The story revolves around Christian and Catholic dogma with a few twists.

God has abandoned his creations and they are rotting. The Second Babylon is here. When the battle for Heaven ended, and God cast Lucifer and his Rebel Angels down upon the Earth, .....He left. The "Why" is unknown. Perhaps out of disgust, perhaps out of sadness for having to cast down what was at one time His most precious of all Angels. Even those who have reason to suspect this fact can't fathom the why, the point is, ....He is Gone.
The world has been falling apart over the last few thousand years since.
Over this time period people are beginning to lose their faith in anything spiritual. They indulge in the many pleasures our modern world has to offer and simply forget their problems.....if they have the resources to do so. Those not so fortunate are homeless on the street with no other paths to turn to except for gangs, prostitution, organized crime, drug dealing, or starvation and death.

Demons

The cast down Lucifer is nowhere to be found, but his get are definitely a profound presence. Those powerful enough to slip through the cracks of Hells thick walls can take hold and control people for a time. Some can even possess them. When mortals are weak and broken, they are welcome vessels for these demons. Demons do the work of their Rebel Angel Masters through such means, as the Masters themselves are too powerful to take a human host with out killing them soon after.

Avatars of Dagon

There is a faction of mortals that knows of this threat, doing what they can for their fellow person. In return they receive the name of lunatic and heretic (Most have earned that name as of late) from their peers whom they would save. They are the Avatars of Dagon. A secret society of warriors, devout to the cloth and the banishing of these demons from the world. They have had some success in the past but more and more of their efforts are thwarted as the corruption of the Second Babylon touches them and pain, despair, and sin consume the heart.
Not only that, but there are other forces in the world at work that regularly distract or consume them. These factors have twisted a once noble organization into a broken set of factions. Some are fundamentalists who wish the destruction of all things supernatural. Some are investigators who study the occult and wish to understand these creatures.
There are those that have stuck to hunting down demons exclusively but they are few and far between. Fear of the unknown and loss has made most of them part of the fundamentalist variety.

The Others

There are other things in the world other than demons. Things that have a divine purpose. There are three distinct types of creatures that walk among the mortals unseen, The Chosen Damned(Vampires), The Guardians of the Gates(Werewolves) and the Children of the Nephilim(Mages).

The Chosen Damned--Vampires

It is said in ancient legend long forgotten that when Babylon fell, foul creatures crawled out of the rubble after sunset. These creatures carried the twisted likeness of mortals. They spread to the far reaches of the Earth and centered themselves in every civilization. There they preyed on humans for their blood and rooted themselves as the silent movers and shakers of mortal affairs. The Chosen Damned.
The legend says the Curse of Babel created them. A predator to humans. A silent reminder of what their fool hardiness unleashed. They are the Wolves in the human flock, but they are also their dark Sheppard’s. Their Divine purpose, so it says, is to make sure humans do not over step their bounds again and ensure slow growth with wisdom and faith. From then on they have been the monsters in the dark weeding out the weak and the sinful, while making the one's that would have faith stronger as they see the weak devoured by "sin".
The Second Babylon though has had an effect on them. Like other predators when their food source is plentiful they get lazy and their form suffers. The Cursed are no exception. It seems society for them is crumbling as well. They seem to become infatuated and distracted by the wonders of the modern age as much as their mortal prey do and since they are creatures built to feed on sin, it is much harder to pry them away from it.

The Guardians of the Gates--Werewolves

The same legends tell of a creature much older than The Cursed. God did not create the Earth; he found it and built on its foundation. When he found it though, it was already inhabited by other spirits and gods. God made a deal with these other beings to share the Earth. So was the birth of the separation between physical and the spiritual. Two worlds layered on top of one another reflecting each other yet different in shape and form. The deal went something like this. God was given the physical realm on which He could create what He wanted while all the other spirits and gods inherited the Spiritual Realm. After the exile of Adam and Eve, God and the spirits had another meeting. Some of the spirits were being crafty, staying too long in the physical and wreaking havoc on the human cities. Some crafty humans were venturing to deep places in the spirit realm seeking power that was not theirs. So God and the spirits collaborated once again and created a creature that would be neither human nor spirit. They would be a creature composed of both. They would be a creature of both realms and as such would patrol them and make sure none on either side would make mischief.
They are the Guardians of the Gates.
The Guardians are strong warrior shape shifters capable of stopping some of the toughest spirits and humans who crossed to forbidden places. The form of the wolf was suggested by the spirits, and God agreed it was a good form, a noble hunter. The spirits also gifted them with some of their abilities and offer themselves as guides to help in their hunts and their lives.
After the War in Heaven things were not the same for the Guardians. When God cast the Rebel Angels into the spirit world He made the Gates thick so they could not escape. This made things difficult for the Guardians and their spirit brethren. The Guardians could only cross in certain sacred places instead of where ever they wanted. The Spirits and gods had to fight for every spec if territory in their realm as the Rebel Angels claimed it for themselves. It was a long battle. The Spirits and gods were powerful, but not as powerful as Lucifer and his brood. The Guardians could not get to their spirit brothers in time and they were defeated. Soon after, the Spirit realm slowly became what it is today.

Hell.

Since that time the Guardians have tried to protect the sacred places and have sworn to hunt down the Rebel Angels and their get whenever they can. The spirits and gods hide in small glades in dark corners of the realm where the demons cannot find them. The coming of the Second Babylon has been hard for the Guardians as they hear less and less from their cousins in the ephemeral world, and they are wracked from battling the demon hordes.
A feeling that they don't belong nags at them as they do not feel comfortable in the cities, and the calm of the wilderness brings loneliness,
so they hunt and live one day at a time, but that won't be enough forever.

The Children of the Nephilim—Mages

One of the first sins of the Rebel Angels was the Nephilim. They are what is made when an Angel and a mortal conceive. The result is a child horribly deformed and unnatural. These Nephilim were hunted and destroyed by God, or so it was believed. Some ran to the far corners of the Earth, and there they survived until “natural” causes eventually took them. For some this was a very long time, much longer than normal human life span. In that time they also mated with the mortals and had children of their own. Nephilim and human offspring were in no way deformed and those children lived and died as humans did, and so the Nephilim were eventually forgotten.
Forgotten until two thousand years ago when a man named Jesus Christ was born. He was the first to awaken as a true Child of the Nephilim. Since Jesus was the first to Awaken, he saw many truth’s. He knew his power, the power to weave the very tapestry of reality, and he knew where his power came from. The very realm where God himself dwelled. It seems that through the Nephilim, Gods ability to weave reality found its way into the human races gene pool. It was always there but dormant until the time of Christ.
He used his power to perform his miracles and to spread the word of his “Father”. People became afraid of him, and thus bred the coming of the crucifixion. The fear all men have that lead to this event would effect all Children of the Nephilim from then on. Human banality has left a rift between the realm of God and our world. Even though three days after the crucifixion Jesus rose and Ascended, the damage was already done. If miracles of the Children are seen by mortal eyes or heard by mortal ears, their act will backfire on them. These back firing anomalies can take many forms but none are good, as reality responds violently to the non subtle re weaving of its tapestry.
These Children are few and far between in the time of the Second Babylon.
Their existence is further hampered by the world’s lack of faith. What’s worse, Demons try to manipulate them into freeing them from their hell.
If it wasn’t for some of the wiser ones finding evidence of The Prophecy, hope might be lost for all of them in this dire time.

The Prophecy

When Jesus Ascended it is said that he left many signs and omens to be found. Some of these were guidance, others were warnings. A warning has been found and its word has been spreading silently among those who would know the truth(who are few and far between). This warning has become known as The Prophecy.
The Prophecy tells of great plagues that will happen soon after the beginning of the Second Babylon and that these plagues can only be stopped by cooperation of the divine ones. Only by working together can these plagues be held at bay.

Some Cunt Stole My Recycling Bin....

2005-09-28T16:10:00.000-06:00

Day wasn't going well to start...But that happens...

One of my Cats died back home...My Moms favorite, and she's devastated. I am too as a matter of fact, she was a sweet cat. But alas, these things do happen.

And then I take a walk out to the yard to pick up my recycling bin...Since it was garbage day this morning...And it is nowhere to be found.

I wasn't particularly attached to it....it cost me $10. But Jesus Cartwheeling Christ on a Whole Wheat Cracker.

Some Cunt Stole My Recycling Bin...

Well things could be worse. I thought it was kind of funny to tell you the truth. The loss of my recycling bin kind of gave me a laugh to brighten the day.....Did I mention how much it sucked to have the cat die.....Gah

We got 2 cats 12 years ago, I named em Ren and Stimpy. Stimpy came to me and Ren went to my mom and that's the way it has been ever since. Now the two are separated. Ren is gone. Its the little things you miss though.

I remember when you sneezed around Ren she would meow at you like"sssssssSSSSTOP IT!! Damnit I hate that!" and then get all cozy with you...

It was funny. She had a great personality and she will be missed.

My fiance got ill 2 weeks ago too and can't seem to get better....fucken hell:P

Since she lives in the U.S. I can't do anything to make her feel better, I have NO cash.

So in conclusion, I would like to thank the cunt that stole my recycling bin for giving me a chuckle on this gloomy day. I certainly hope you use it.

How do I do it?
Its Zen Bitch!

"Please Step Out of the Car Sir....."

2005-09-19T13:00:00.000-06:00

today's entry will be short and sweet.

Drunk Drivers.

I have an addition to the laws already in place.

If a drunk driver is pulled over by the police, they should get a free pistol whip at no extra expense.

"Please step out of the car sir.........FREPOOW!!"

Sure getting your license taken away, and the possibility of jail time is one thing, but a pistol whip should be mandatory aswell. Men, Women, Teenagers, even five year olds, if they are caught driving a car drunk they should get kissed by the 'not so lethal but is going to leave a mark' end of a standard issue police crook capper.

Getting behind the wheel of a vehicle while intoxicated is just stupid. Many people die each year just because some drunken sod thinks he can take the backroads home and think everything will be alright.

There are some people I know that would demand more, but I don't.

A simple gun induced broken nose is good enough for me.......With all the other legal consequences stacking along with it ofcourse.

Right. That's it.

Have a good day peoples.

Rollin Down The Road In My Panzer Tank...

2005-09-14T09:16:00.000-06:00

Well I guess its about time for another one of these things.

A friend of mine just left town to live in Montreal. Too bad, I liked him.

that's not to say that he won't come to visit, It's only 8 hours away after all. There is something good that came out of it though....

He took his bitch of a girlfriend with him. How do you like THAT for divine intervention?

I don't hate the woman though, really I don't. I just generally have a low tolerance for people that are rude and refuse to aknowlege it.

It's damn awkward having friends that have really annoying girlfriends.

I know that it goes both ways. Some of you women out there probably know what its like to have a girlfriend with a fuck off annoying boyfriend.

Some? You ALL probably know what its like cause to tell you the truth, us men, we aren't the brightest at the best of times. I myself view my own intellect in one statement.

"I never said I was clever, but I have been known to flicker brightly from time to time....You know...Like an old halogen light bulb."

Anyhow, back to my main-ish point.

Voids.

that's what we used to call them. Women who acted like living black holes, that would latch on to a man friend of ours and slowly feed on their soul like a parasite. Even I have been a symbiot for these creatures.

Not fun kids.

You can see the difference in your friend almost immediately.

1. Paler complexion of the soul.(You don't have to be savvy with new age stuff to know what this means. He just doesn't seem right.)

2. She is ALWAYS around and won't let him out of her sight.

Don't get me wrong, when entering a new relationship there is obviously going to be some time where your friend spends a LOT of time with his new girl......But you will know the difference trust me.

3. He starts doing things that doesn't suit him, such as joining an odd religion such as Christianity. This is the control aspect of the paler Complexion of the Soul.

There are a lot more symptoms probably but at the moment I can't seem to recall them, but you get the idea.

This applies to women AND men if I haven't said before, and if I get any angry replies about the Christian comment well......Learn to take a joke.

All you can do is hope for the best and try to help your friend whenever you can.

I'm Hungry......So its fuck off time......

Why Does My Zipper Always Sound Louder When I'm Hiding In someone's Closet?

2005-08-31T01:10:00.000-06:00

heh ;) one of my favourite lines.

I see my bottled water post got a lot of feed back. Veeeeeery interesting.

Anyhow, not too much happening down my way. I got completely hammered on Absinth, but that's about it. The experience wasn't that interesting but MAN did I get fucking plastered!

I'll need to probably get the real European absinthe to find out what its really like, but even this stuff had some interesting qualities.

The first taste, my tongue felt all tingley, and I felt as if my breath was flammable(That part is probably true being I didn't cut it with anything and it IS 70% alcohol).

The second taste my throat tingled and burned a bit, and I could feel it burning all the way down.

Interesting.

Then the third drink my lips started to tingle. The odd part about all these tastes was that a friend of mine at the party had his lips tingle on his very first and only sip.

Safe to say the whole night got a wee bit blurry after that.
The only thing I do remember is hearing about a band called Beatallica.

So the next day I downloaded some and laughed myself silly for hours after.

Beatallica is exactly that. A band that loves(and sounds amazingly like) Metallica, but mixing Beatles tunes and Metallica songs together.

Being a hard core Beatles fan and a hard core Metallica fan( The old stuff not Sgt. James and Lars Shitty Greedy Metal Band) I laughed and thought that this was one of the greatest things I have heard in a long time.

Note: I like some of Metallica's new stuff but its not the same as the old and the Napster thing just pissed me off.

Anyhow back to the regular blog.

Beatallica songs include such hits as:

Garage Dayz Nite

Blackened the USSR

Sandman(Taxman mixed with....Well Gee I wonder;))

And Justice For All My Lovin

.....................And many many more ;)

that's it for me for now. For those that posted on the Bottled water post, thanx for the input ;)

Something To Think About

2005-08-14T15:17:00.000-06:00

Aside from some family issues(I believe I've made my point) I would like to talk about something else.

Life is pretty good I would say, But there are signs that society is going to hell in a GAP hand bag if you are clever enough(or paranoid enough, whatever pops your wheelie) to see them.
I'm only going to be talking about one of those things today.

Bottled Water.

Yes I said it, Bottled water.

You see it everywhere, its in stores, people walking down the street or riding their bikes have it on them, these bottles of brand named water.

Now I know that they sell "Spring Water" or "Tonic Water" but to me, those are different from what I am talking about. I'm talking about Aquafuckingfina and all those cunts.

Now we are lead to believe that because they are selling this water(At a pretty high price I might add) our tap water isn't as good.
In fact because of the pollution right now its generally pretty dirty right?
Sure, I guess that makes sense. Well not to me.

This is what I think(It is my blog after all).

I think that the tap water is just fine and that these bastards are capitalizing on a natural resource. Now don't get me wrong, I know some places on this planet have absolutely filthy or undrinkable water, but I'm not talking about those places. I'm mainly talking about Canada and the U.S.

To me, tap water tastes fine, granted that some tastes different from others depending on where you go. I don't know, maybe its the lack of perception on my tongues part(Although many women would contest otherwise ;)) but it tastes ok to me. Not only that but there isn't anything wrong with me at present, and least nothing caused by tap water.

Its Free Bitches! Water is free at home! I think its just fine.

We are lead to believe though that our water supply is rather disgusting, hell I know some people that won't even drink tap water at all. I know that the water isn't perfect, and that some has been polluted, but think about this.

If they can Purify water and sell it, then they can purify the tap water if they put their minds to it. The only reason they don't is because people are greedy. Sure, if you want to sell your own brand of water, claiming its different, why not right? If people are stupid enough to buy it I suppose they deserve to lose their money.

Still, Capitalizing on water, a natural thing that covers most of the planet, is a bit shady, in my opinion. I have never bought the stuff. I was always told as a kid, when I was out and I wanted to buy some juice, or pop, that there is water at home. Well guess what, THERE IS and it's really not all that bad.

Quit giving the greedy bastards your money for something that is everywhere. Next thing you know there will be cans of "Fresh Air" on the shelves. "Pure, crisp and clean air! Purified to perfection! Have at least a can a day for your good health! Now with a FREE INHALER with EVERY CAN!"

Let me tell you something people, instead of getting rich lets use some of that purifying technology to help the planet out. If you want to make the bling, invent a soda or something. There are people around the world that don't even have drinkable water that need it more than your yuppy ass!

Maybe drinking water with stuff in it will, oh I don't know, help us become stronger over time! Its evolution bitches!

Perhaps I'm wrong, but I don't think so.

Drink Up!

Other Than A Demented Picture........

2005-07-26T13:51:00.000-06:00

....... . .. ..Things have been rather pleasant I would think.

Although there have been a few things that have happened to me and a few more things on my mind, so here goes.

This weekend I was invited to Montreal to play in the Minds Eye Theatre of Vampire the Requiem. I have been a Minds Eye Vampire player for 9 years now over all, and play regularly here in London and Hamilton.

But Montreal was a kick! The journey there and the game itself were very enjoyable. I will dispense some details.

A couple of friends invited me to go to the Montreal game and I was delighted to accept. This is a global game you see, and your character can be played in any Camarilla Sanctioned game in the world. So I am very happy to spread myself around if I get the chance.

These friends will be named Jade and Dion.(Their character names)

They both picked me up at about 5 am Saturday morning and we set off on our journey. It was fun. We talked about our gaming experiences of the past and what have you, listened to music, and shared opinions on various things.
We received our first shock when we reached Quebec. People drove like they were being chased by one of the elder beings of some horrible nether world. Fast and cut throat. Amazing.
In all the commotion, we got lost getting into the city. But we stopped at a gas station, got a map, and phoned our French friends and all of that sorted us out for the moment. We were back on track.
We headed into down town Montreal and decided to park, so we could see the sights and possibly get some refreshment.
As we were walking around looking at things and taking it all in, we saw across the street, some Hamilton players who had made it up aswell.

I yelled across the street at them, "Coincidences are like acts of God. They may happen, but I don't believe in them!"

We all got together and had a laugh, then set fourth to seek refreshment.

And refresh we did.

In a pub we all gathered and devoured some poutine* and beer, and let me tell you, I don't think we could have had a better meal at that exact point. At least in my opinion.

We then parted ways with the Hamilton crew and went on our way to pursue the game site.

We got lost again.

After about an hour and a half of driving around looking, we were giggling like deranged children because of the hilarity of it all and the fact that we all had very little sleep the night before and it was catching up to us. With the help of our French friends once again, we finely found the game site.

We met the locals and were surprised to hear they were having a barbique. We actually found this out when we got lost the first time, but I decided to interject this point now ok? So if you don't like it you can FUCK OFF WITH SHINY BRASS KNOBS ON!!!

Right.

They were fund raising for the giant game event known as CAINE that will be in Montreal in April 06. That's what the barbique was for, so we handed em some cash and ate and were merry once again.

After the barbique, we all got changed and the game was ON!

It was a good game. We met some interesting people during and after and fun was had by all so it seemed. Our host as it turned out was more than gracious. We thought we were going to be sleeping on some floor in a dark basement some where(which is ironic considering the game we play) but it turns out we got our own rooms, and our own beds.
Very cool of them we thought, they certainly didn't have to do that much. We stayed where we played, a very nice house that was built in 1915. Impressive, and in the morning there was coffee and good conversation to greet our weary heads.

Having an excellent evening thanx to our host, we set off at about 11 am for Hamilton to play in their game. To our delight some of the Montreal players were going to make it down there aswell.

The drive back down was less eventful than the drive up, and our only incident was some slow ass rubbernecking drivers that annoyed us to no end. But some of us dozed, and I got some interesting reading done, and we made it to Hamilton safe and sound.

During the whole trip Jade was talking about how she is the new storyteller of the Minds Eye game Werewolf The Forsaken, and I offered to be her assistant, so now you are looking at the new assistant storyteller for this game, woooohooooo. :)

A Good Game was had in Hamilton aswell with the Montreal guys attending, and some of the other London players aswell. After the game we all ate at a local establishment and headed for home.
The hour trip home from Hamilton to London however was a bit risky, as we were all tired from the journey and the road got a little blurry for Dion once or twice, but half way through, Jade took the wheel and all was well again. Don't get the impression that Dion is a bad driver, he isn't, he was DOG tired is all ;)

So that was pretty much it for the weekend trip, it was definitely worth it for all of us I believe.

* - For those of your reading that don't know what poutine is, it is French fries covered in gravy and cheese.

So, what else?

My World of Darkness game is supposed to continue tomorrow, but I don't know if I want to do it or not. I believe I will turn it into a Werewolf The Forsaken game, that might turn the tide a bit. The players aren't into the whole thing and I can tell, and I'm not getting the feel for this game because of it. So that's where its going I think.

As for more personal matters............

The following text is deemed
more offensive than usual
discression is advised

It's a Celebration Bitches!

My Cousin is getting married. That's all good isn't it?

It normally would be but its happening for the wrong reasons in my opinion. The fact that its a marriage of convenience, and the bride played with my friend Rimmy's feelings(intentionally or not), means that I'm not really happy about it. Maybe they deserve each other.

The Bride, I feel is some sort of fiend who like it or not has no care for anyone but herself. I used to like her very much.

The Groom, is doing what he believes is right, but I fear for the wrong reasons.

It will end badly, and their son will be the one who suffers.

How do I know this? Because I've seen the history of my family's relationships, and I see the same downward spiral in these two.

In fact my mom and dad hooked up almost the same way as these 2 are,
shotgun wedding while the bride is about to burst with a kid.
Safe to say it didn't go well after that, even though my parents were together before that.

They made the first step to the Olsen Dark Side .

I suppose the saga must continue, fuck knows why.
I'm trying not to contribute to the next step of ODS, which is to have a loathing searing hatred for The Bride.

I'll do what I can to ignore the blood compulsion as much as I can, unlike others.

What a fucken mess :P

anyhow, that's my shtick for now,

Dig It.

2005-07-17T16:42:00.000-06:00

I FEEL ALRIGHT!!!!!

The Show Must Go On......Sadly

2005-07-14T00:24:00.000-06:00

Tonight was game night.

The whole fiasco that started in the "Tick Fucking Tock" entry is all done with, and this is the first game since then.

How did it go? Not that good I'm afraid.

There is a reason for this that I just figured out.

My Game of World of Darkness is a horror/action sort of genre applying many inspirations such as H.P. Lovecraft and Neil Gaiman.

The trouble is, my players in general aren't into that scene.

An example.

Blake the vigilante's player loves strategy games like Warcraft and so on, and he loves comic book characters like The Punisher, so while game was going on certain things happened with him that tipped this whole thing off.

He wouldn't stop talking about his arsenal. He keeps trying to acquire new weapons all the time. Half the game is him looking for weapons and equiptment. That's normally fine but he seems overly paranoid about it.

That's not my big concern though.

All my players were in a subterranean tunnel maze. All they had was a flash light and a few hooks and pieces of chain to defend themselves.
They heard a creature coming from the darkness, and soon they saw it, and I began to describe it. But half way through Blake just says "Alright big beasty, got it!" He interrupted me in mid description, and its not the first time he's done so.

All he seems interested in is his kill count and when he's going to do some more killing and its obvious from his behavior that he's not very interested in the whole mood I'm trying to portray.

that's fucking annoying. I create something in my mind, and I try to describe it and it turns out to be crap cause I'm interrupted all the time and this really spoils the game for me. So much so I don't want to return, but I do.....Why? Who the hell knows.

One of my players, who plays a semi crooked cop, I can tell enjoys the mood from a solitary description I gave to her about her character's situation.

I could tell she was into it. The others seem to give it what they got but Blake seems to over shadow them.

I have been contemplating a new game more to their liking because I figure that they aren't going to really give a damn about anything I'm interested in anyway.

My friends had a few suggestions about letting em know whose boss, but that's not the issue. No matter what I do they aren't really going to care because they don't seem to give a damn about what I'm trying to create.
They are going to play what they like and they won't change.

Man, One problem goes and others pop up.

I'm glad at least one or two of my players seem to appreciate it anyway. I will think on what to do next over the next few days. I am tired, and I must rest now.

Anti-Climactic Resolution

2005-07-08T22:00:00.000-06:00

Well, the dilemma is done and over with.

Evie has left the game. My cat is playing with her crumpled up character sheet as I type.

Our new player who I named Ha Ran' Na has been running a game of EXalted for the past few weeks, giving me time to play a game for a change instead of running one all the time. This gave me ample opportunity to rest and get inspired for my World of Darkness game.

And I am!

So last game was the last EXalted game we play until August. So it was time to finally talk to Evie about the whole thing. Although I was pretty dead sure she was dead sure about leaving anyhow.

Me: So Evie, are you going to be in my World of Darkness game anymore?
Her: No.
Me: Alrighty then.

...and that was it.

Now, I know I said in my last posts that I was going to give her a talking to about her behavior. But I gave it some serious thought, some more serious thought actually.
I thought, What would be the point in chewing her out?
My answer? None.

Why did I think this? Let me tell you.

The point of chewing her out was basically to let her know that how she went about the whole situation was completely immature and rude.

That makes sense although, I think she knows that already.
Usually if you know you are, or have been an ass about something, you would if you had any respect for the person, or courage, apologize to him/her.

truly, that's all I would ever want from some one who did something like that, and that would be the point of chewing some one out, to show them that feelings can be hurt and so on and so on and in that, they realize they were an ass and apologize....If they care enough.

I could tell from Evies body language that she didn't feel comfortable with me talking to her about it, because as the conversation above took place she just turned and walked away AS it was happening.

So she didn't give a damn.

I'm not going to chew her out because there would be no point. If she had the courage to admit she was an ass she would have done it already, and I'm certainly not going to force it out of her.

She is young, but not THAT young, and she SHOULD know better.

So, things are resolved anyway, and I believe I dealt with it in the most mature way possible.

More About a Worthless dilemma

2005-06-25T17:42:00.000-06:00

Things are alright, I'd have to say.

I'm not homeless, and I eat everyday. Even junk I like to eat.

Which brings me back to the dilemma....

Its been at least a month since the incident with my game happened.
If you had not read the post it is labeled"Tick Fucking Tock"

My decision about a problem player I had was to just kick her out of the game. Reasonable right? But after a few weeks, anger doesn't really stick on me. I cool down real quick and now I'm pondering whether I should boot her ass out or not. Here are my reasons for actually pondering this.

1.She is leaving in 2 months. - which means that there really aren't many games to go if I do mine bi-weekly. I'm still going to have a talk with her, but because of this only 2 months left thing I would simply ask if she wants to stay or not. She will get a talking to though, there is no doubt. I'll let her know how the whole thing made me feel, and see if it actually taps into anything or not with her.
I'll be amazed if she actually acknowledges she did anything wrong.

So instead of possibly creating a problem in this situation I think I'm going to talk to her calmly but still chew her out a bit. I actually do have balls believe it or not;)

The dilemma though, lies in the fact that the whole thing was bollocks and I SHOULD be angry at her and I SHOULD just boot her out.

I haven't talked to her yet because our new player has been running a game with all of us and I don't want to make shit more uncomfortable than it should be while playing it. The issues are with my game and I think they should be dealt with there.

Although, If I'm going to burn a bridge, I guess this is the best time to do it aswell.

I Love Burning Bridges.

When I'm prepared to have my next game, I'll talk to her and relay it all here. I hope It goes better than expected.

My Vampire Game is going well though, even though I've had some serious blocks with that aswell. But since I don't get any bad vibes off them it all seems ok.

I also need to get off my ass and go volunteer at the radio station. If I can't get into school yet, I should at least do this. I feel that some thing is holding me back, because I keep saying I will and I never do :(

Whatever it is, I'll get past it. If this is something I really want to do than what's the harm?

Anyhow, I'm off for now.

P.S. Check out these kick ass posts. His name is Az, and he teaches English in Japan. You will laugh and cry and laugh and all that stuff I promise.

Dig It.

Internet Radio Station Update

2005-06-08T00:04:00.000-06:00

Greetings

I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still broadcasting the internet radio station full of Gothic/Industrial and other dark mantras.

Its up to almost 100 hours of music.

Just go to www.shoutcast.com

Then in the Search Box type "Nightmares"

My station should appear with the name "Nightmares, Whispers, and Screams". I broadcast from late monday evening to mid friday afternoon every week.

No big post or anything, just an update.

Also after a long time talking about it, I'll be heading to the college station to actually be on radio, so as soon as I have a real show, I'll give you the web link for that aswell.

Ta Ta Mofo's

P.S.
Thank you to those of you who regularly or unregularly listened to my station before.

Tick Fucking Tock

2005-06-05T06:52:00.000-06:00

Its rather early in the morning. I had went to bed but couldn't sleep.

Something happened to me a few days ago that's still on my mind.
Its been bothering me, but I've had a bit to calm down and look at things rationally. Let me explain.

I'm a gamer. Not sports or anything, It means I play Role playing Games or RPG's for short. I have a few friends of mine who I play with online, but this is not a story about them... . . No.

I also have some local players I game with from time to time. This is where my story comes together.

I've known these local guys for about 2 years now and I can say its been fun. There has been a snag here and there but who doesn't have those.
Anyhow I have this game with them usually every 2 weeks or once a month depending on their schedules. The Game that I run is called World of Darkness. Its a contemporary setting with heavy horror and mystery elements to it. I'll name the players using their character names.

Blake. - His character is a vigilante who was formally a member of the Mafia.

Eevie. - A Russian Mob Bosses Daughter and Spoiled Socialite.

Steve. - A Jack of All Trades Thug For Hire and Computer dabbler.

Coner. - A Freelance M.D. that is magnetized to the Unnatural.

We recently got ourselves a new player aswell. Last week in fact.

Ha Ran 'na. - Just a Mercenary For Hire.

Now.

Game seemed to be going alright the past few times. They called me up when they had the time and we got together and rolled some dice, ate some snacks, and confronted weirdness. Then Last week happened.

Before last weeks game, Blake called me up and asked if I wanted to meet a new guy, I accepted and we assembled the whole gang to meet him the next day at Tim Hortons. The Meeting went well and we all seemed to get along. Thus enters Ha Ran'na. We discussed what kind of games we like and so on and so fourth and that lead to the grand prospect of Ha Ran'na running a game for us , aswell as play in mine the next day. We head to Ha Ran'na's house too look at some of his books and then we all went home.

The next day we all assembled for game and it was good. We all had dinner at a restaurant before hand and had some laughs. After we all assembled at Coners house for the game. We made Ha Ran'Na's character while we started off play and everything seemed to start some what smoothly. But allas, as the night went on, I could tell it was going to be one of my bad nights. The only problem with this is, I tend to have a lot of the with the crew.

Lets Clarify Something Now.

Role Playing Games are played with characters that aren't scripted, so there is only so much you can plan and estimate as far as the characters actions are concerned. So you have to be ready to adapt to un expected situations and let me tell you this, some days you're on, and some days well.......You get the idea.

For this group I've had a lot of off days for some reason and this was one of em, but I did the best I could to get some sort of coherent chapter of the story down. On my really off days such as this one, Eevie tends to get in a bad mood. She gets frustrated at my story telling and it shows in her attitude. I've been hit with this once or twice before this, and it wasn't pleasant. It tends to Jolt my game even more. Eevie is also a rather young member of the group, late teens, so sometimes bratty behavior slips out. Her loud sighs of frustration, the rolling of her eyes, that sort of thing. Also the odd smart ass remark. Its not that bad, I thought I knew it all when I was that young too.

Also, I'm tolerant like a MOTHER FUCKER!!

The game went on, and Eevie was on full boar tonight with the attitude, and despite the capital letters above, I was getting less and less tolerant.
I made a few more mistakes, Eevie got more annoying, and FINALLY......The game ended for the night.

Now during all this time I make mistakes and call it some sort of game, the other players seem cool with it. Or they are used to it or whatever.(They keep calling me for more games so......)
However I was wondering what the new guy thought about all this.
I hope he wouldn't run away or call the cops on us or anything, so while I was cleaning up, I went upstairs towards the door to check on him, and apologize for the mess ;)

But I walked up to the door to hear Eevie talking in a hissy raspy voice, so I sauntered in a bit further. I then saw her at the door, venting to Ha Ran'na about how shitty a storyteller I was.

..... . . . uuhh......Ok. I walk up right behind her as she finishes her rant.
she doesn't seem to hear or see me, but I know Ha Ran'na sees me......

Her rant as I heard it consisted of how frustrated she was with me........How I never come prepared......And how everything is always this bungled up........And I have to be forced to draw maps.... And so on and So on.

At this point I kind of want to hit her with a brick. I'll tell you why later in the post, if you couldn't figure it out by now.

I pick this time to say....

Me: "I'm sorry you seem frustrated with my game."
Eevie Jumps
Her: "Er...Yeah I am actually...."
Me:" Oh?...Well if that's the case you don't have to come...I could give a fuck either way"
Ha Ran'na Leaves to go outside
Her:"I was thinking of quitting this game anyway. Like, look at the last few games, we haven't even gone anywhere.."
Me:"Well I do have other things in my life that require my attention"
Her:"My other Storyteller is a fucking archeologist and he's always prepared!"
Me:"Do you currently run a game? No."
Her: Well if I did I would at least come prepared"

I think that was the basic gist. Its not balls on accurate but that's basically how the conversation went, then she went outside.

I now had steam coming out of my ears, AND I was ready to hit her with a brick, for reasons again I will detail later on.

Blake came up the stairs then and everyone said their goodbyes. I was getting a ride home with Blake and since Eevie was his girl friend, guess who was going with us. Steve was with us too, but hes a quiet one.
The whole ride home I could see the crackling of electricity in the car between Eevie and I. Blake didn't see it and proceeded to tell me about the direction his character is going to go in. It lightened the electrical field a bit until we had to stop for a train, and ofcourse......This was one of those LONG waits. A LONG wait in electric silence.

But I got home finally and they sped off. Incidentally Blake always speeds off, its in his nature.
It's amazing my house is in the same condition cause I was mad.

I will dispense the reasons for my rage........................Now.

Lets start with the general rudeness of the incident at the end of the night.

Eevie is frustrated at me, so she is going to vent to the new guy, and in the process make me look like an ass in front of him(If I hadn't already done it myself). That's just rude and immature. If you're going to vent, do it alone or with your boyfriend, not behind my back.
It was also unnecessary. If she wasn't having fun, she should have just quit and stayed silent past that. Its a game after all.

I don't really care what people think, but it was still rude and immature.

Now we can get into some details that I don't think she considered in her haste for frustrated ranting.

As far as not going anywhere, that is the characters fault. Period. That's the kind of game the World of Darkness is. I suspects she hasn't even read the book, let alone ANY RPG book all the way through.

As far as your other storyteller being an archeologist, I have this to say.

I never claimed I was the perfect storyteller, nor even a good one. I have more than one of these games to run. I suspect the other ST doesn't.
I have a complex relationship. I suspect at this time(I happen to know him a bit) he doesn't currently have one of those.

I could be wrong about all of these things, but the point I'm trying to make is that I have better things to think about. Even when I'm thinking about the story, sometimes it just doesn't come, and this could happen for months. Those who actually run games or write stories know this, or "should" know this.

Another thing. Regardless of the reasons, I don't deserve the attitude.

The previous evening Eevie asked me if I could burn a disc with some data files on it for her, so on game day before all this happened, I gave it to her. I didn't ask for a blank disc in return or anything. I still get the attitude.

While we are on the subject of planning and preparation I'll mention this aswell.

Eevie's character had a goal to be a spellcaster in the game. Cool.
So for her benefit, I combed through a lot of books I didn't need to just to extend that thread and made sure her character had a unique quality that none of the others had.

Your welcome sweety :P

This stuff stirred in me for a few days......But eventually the emotional parts burned a little less bright. I decided though that Eevie will no longer be a part of my game.

Fair enough I think. But I know this will cause waves in the group, and that's what's been going through my mind. Several things can happen.

I can hope the next time I see her she just quits, that will solve everything. If I have to tell her to quit well...We'll see what happens.

You all will get an update.

Feel free to comment, I would like to know what your thoughts are.

Now I think I can sleep.

When Life Gives You Lemons, You Clone Those Lemons, and Make Super Lemons.

2005-05-28T04:50:00.000-06:00

Other than my advice on my last post I don't really know if I have anything interesting to report.

I know in my first entry I kind of eluded to the fact that some times I just don't know what the fuck is going on. I find myself in one of those times again.
Don't get me wrong, I know who I am and I generally know what I want to do in my life, but sometimes a plan derails , or it reveals a whole lot more obstacles than you thought it would. Normally I would just consider it another challenge but I find myself lost.

The Problem.

I was planning to go to school for radio broadcasting. They have a course here for that, but I just found out that it isn't as accessible as I thought it was. I have been trying to get into the program for the last 2 years but to no avail due to screw ups and other stuff. It means I have to wait a whole other year, and I thought this year would be the one. I would have my shit together(...As always) and get in. I did everything I screwed up doing last year. Then new info came to light.
I found out I was one of 450 applicants and there were only 40 spots available.

Bugger.

I first thought it was a first come first serve deal, but it wasn't. It helps to get it in soon but it also helps to have a good resume to show them that you are committed to a career in the field. I had no such luck with that.

So, a friend in a far away town suggested I investigate the schools there and consider a move. So I did, and found out it was even harder to get into the schools there. Its not worth a big move for that. So it appears I am stuck here.

So, my next objective is to make a resume by getting my ass out and giving a damn right?

Then why am I so apathetic about it right now? The drive seems to not be there. In fact a lot of drives seem to be right out of petrol.

I A. Sleep
B. Watch T.V.
C. Try to eat right and get out once in a blue moon.
D. Nothing Else

The most creative thing I have done is get my head into Storytelling Vampire The Requiem for a few chums of mine. Don't get me wrong, I love it! But I can't concentrate on only that. I would love to Finnish an RP world of my own and possibly run with that, but that's only one option, and since my enthusiasm for anything else is pretty stumped I'm not sure what to do.

Well, all I can do is ride it out I suppose and exercise my brain and body when I can until I get out of this. My fiance helps too, but as she is in another country , sometimes its tough. That's a whole other story.

I'm at a point right now where I'm only starting to know what I'm good at, and I'm only starting to know what I really want to roll with in life.

I'm turning twenty fucking seven in 5 days!

At least when I do watch T.V., or Read I find inspiration there and new ideas form, and that should count for something. As long as I don't let the bastards grind me down I should be fine. I will move into their midst.....Confident.......Composite and Finite.........And they won't be able to touch me, cause I'm the NIHILISTIC FUCKING ALCHEMIST BITCH!!!

You Better Axe Some Body...

P.S.

To those of you who have a big responsibility coming into their life, its time to start facing the truth. Some of it awful, some not. But face it you must.

Another Thing.

If someone loves you( I mean really loves you, not just a "Love you Bro" thing) don't take that shit for granted. Consider yourself lucky to even have some one in your life like that when some people don't have a pot to piss in. You got it easy compared to some. If you have someone like that it means something. It means that no matter what happens to you, that person will be there. They won't be there for themselves, they will be there for you. There are people who go their whole lives in search for this and don't find it. Do us a favour and appreciate it.

Make a choice and someone may suffer.

Make no choice at all and everyone will.

....I Got My Shit Together?

2005-05-11T11:23:00.000-06:00

The universal answer to this title is No.

For Me.

The dilemma is this. I have several people around me who I KNOW don't have their shit together, but compared to what? Me?
We all got our problems. That's for sure.

that's the fun life has to offer. You make a plan and then life throws a berage or wrenches into it, making it a better plan or a worse one mostly depending on your point of view.
But in the end its what you make of it.

Now that that is said, I'll point out a few things that life has taught me.

They could be wrong in your opinion I suppose but that just means your an idiot.

What I've learned about relationships.

If you are going to leave one, make sure you discard any baggage you picked up in it. I know its hard to know when this is sometimes but for those of you who need a pointer I have one. Wait a bit before you get into another one. There is nothing worse then entering a relationship right after you exit one. You have to give yourself some time to adjust to being by yourself again. Once you have gone through all the pain and dealt with it, you're ready to move on. Its no good when you bring your baggage for some other unfortunate soul to deal with. So stop listening to your loneliness and emotions all the time an just be responsible.

If you can't take it DON'T FUCKING DISH IT OUT!

This to me is called Psychological Karma. If you are stealing stuff, don't get all bent out of shape if some one does it to you. If you are doing it, it's bound to happen to you. So if you play with fire, don't cry when they're giving you skin grafts.

Do no harm.

This is simple. Its easy to destroy things. It is not easy to create.
Give everything that has the spark of life in it it's respect. This includes ants, slugs, and any other "menial" creature on the planet. If you don't have to kill it , don't. I admit, I've killed things in my day, and sometimes still do, but that's a fault I'm willing to admit. But I try to fallow this rule as much as I can.

Don't Be Such A Dickhead.

Stop complaining so much. Stop making a fuss when there is no need.
Cut the other guy some slack. In the end the anger will go away.
Use the energy to do something useful and positive instead of sucking all my energy away complaining constantly about your stupid problems and then not doing a damn thing to improve your life. These are the dickheads that don't know how good they have it.

I get depressed a bit too(See my first post and you'll realize why) but I deal and move on. I, aswell as many Dickheads have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in at night, Food, Internet access, telephone, aswell as DVDs, CDs, and alike. There are people in the world that are happy if they don't starve for a day.
So stop fucking whining and do something to improve your"battered" state. Maybe while you're at it you can help someone else.

Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down!

People will walk all over you if they can. Life is too short to be yeller.
I find this rule difficult myself sometimes but, you got to keep your wits about you and stand up for yourself. If that telemarketer calls, tell him his mom is a cunt! You got to be firm with those people.
If people are pushy, push the fuck back! The more you relent, the more they will try to assert themselves over you.
Mistakes are just learning experiences, so if you fail, get back on the rhino. Tali HO!

I don't really have that much else to say right now. I admit, I'm not a guru of any kind but these are just a few things that I think have value.

Dig It.

P.S.
Pimps, Be kind to your bitches.

The Journey For Sustenance

2005-04-14T07:10:00.000-06:00

Its early in the morning and I am hungry. I am very sick, and I know I shouldn't leave my dwelling, but I need sustenance. So it looks like I'm going out after all.

I crawl out of my dwelling into the suburban jungle in which I live. I feel the cool breeze that is the remainder of the night on my face, and I begin to walk. Its almost that time of the morning. The time where the blessed darkness of the night will climax and roll off me to the far side of the bed, where she will sleep in bliss, But I know what that means, and I can see it coming from the other side, It's the apocalypse, full and bright, and its going to scorch me with all its morning fury if I don't get my food and get back soon, at least that's what it seems like.

As I walk past other dwellings I can feel the unnatural warmth and sweat in and on me. I shouldn't have ventured out, but I need my sustenance.

As I turn onto the industrial road way that leads to the market, I see pixie birds fly by me and chirp overhead. So tinny yet when I see their eyes I see spinning billiard balls full of fury big and bright in the same instant.
I can see the decay in the roadway as I approach the market place. I didn't see it before but I do now. The cement looks smooth on the surface, but its a deep scar on the crust of the planet. I can see that now. They all are. All the while the gluttonous beasts speed along them, bellowing foggy death and blinding light and roars, all for our convenience.

I enter the market and hunt as only an evolved 21st century ape like thing can do. I wheel a buggy around and around and around, picking and choosing the parts of the animals and plants and other more artificial things I most desire, in their convenient and often deglo containers.

I pay with pulp mixed with paint numbered by those who claim to rule the world, or at least a portion of it, and I set back out into the world for my dwelling.

I'm getting tired. I should have stayed in and rested, but I needed to feed.

I need my sustenance.

Walking back I can see that everything is a bit different, as its getting brighter. I can see pine cones on this industrial road from the trees there,
seeds that fell and wish to grow but can't because of too much pavement.
My fever is worsening, I can feel it, though the sickness is giving me new sight to see with.
I feel as though I'm in a bubble and through it I can see what the Earth is feeling. Like being inside a big air pocket and walking along the bottom of a distant ocean. As I turn into my slice of suburban jungle, things get brighter still.

As I get sicker I can see further into a world behind ours. I could tell that it was once the most beautiful thing you could ever see at one time, but now it was a frightful sight to behold. I saw things as I walked. Things pressing against my bubble, faces, appendages. Faces of rage and pain.
The trees no longer reached out for the sun but reached away and lashed out at random. The light that once bathed this grand orb in life was now burning it to a sunder slowly and surely. Everything I saw showed this.

I knew I shouldn't have left my dwelling, but I was hungry. My body required rest, but I needed sustenance.

I was almost home, but almost didn't count. I could see death slowly seeping into everything. I could see the steam rising under my feet. The world was going mad. Through my sickness, I was seeing the Earths sickness. I was seeing what was to come.
I realized then that we were fucked. Its a simple expression, and to some a crude one, but it was balls on accurate.
I realized the world I was seeing through this warped bubble was real, but no one else could see it. We've grown too detatched. Too concerned with hair appointments, pop stars, and porn among other things equally useless. We are slaves to the "MARTS" of the world.
Your average evolved ape thing doesn't even know when its doing evil anymore. He can't know, at least all the time. Millions of them shop at the MARTS with compassion and love in their hearts for their herd, and unknowingly they're injuring and killing others of their kind in a distant part of the globe at the same time. Even those of us more aware than that can't help but ask"Are we doing the same somehow?"

Well we are. I saw it in all of its horrible glory, and I know one simple thing.

The world I saw is all too real, and the barrier between it and us is getting thin.
At one time, the Earth might have considered us a loving part of it, a working gear in its grand machine, but not now. We are simply a contagion of flees and mites on her back, and when that barrier I saw breaks and falls, her antibodies are going to fuck us six ways from Sunday. Good, Righteous, and Proper.

Oceans will boil and rage.

The Sun will Burn, not illuminate.

This whole fucking sphere will turn itself inside out.

I finally reach my dwelling and I turn the key just as the burning rays of the sun hit my back, but only for a moment. I escape into the darkness of my alcove. I put away the things that I proclaimed in smaller alcoves.
I then proceed to masticate pills and fluid designed to ease my illness symptom's.

I crawl into the darkness of my sleeping chamber and all I can do is wait, knowing what awaits us all. As the pharmaceuticals enter my blood stream I can hear the raging screams of the world less and less, and all turns to dark once again. I think of swimming in cool water.

I always loved swimming.................... ........ .. .............. .

A Different Take, On the Werewolf

2005-03-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

I Recently picked up White wolves new release, "Werewolf: The Forsaken"

There is a story in the beginning of it that got me right into it. For those of you not farmilliar with White Wolf Games, WTF is a game set in modern days taken from the Werewolves point of view. They even have their own story on creation. I really enjoyed it, so I'm going to share it with you now.

Its a bit long, so get ready for a ride.

The Tale of Pangaea

This Story Is True

Everything we are and everything we were happened in Pangaea.
You already know what Pangaea was. You've heard stories of the Garden of Eden -- that's the best the humans can do trying to remember it. You catch glimpses of it in your dreams, and sometimes you smell something ---maybe a whiff of a healthy plant, or something about the scent of your prey---and you almost remember. The scents are the hardest to forget. You can't remember fully, though, can you? Nobody can. Only the first of our kind walked in Pangaea.

And they were the ones who had to destroy it.

Can you remember the scent? The world was lush and full of promise. Spirits could enter the realm of flesh easily, and animals and humans could walk into the cool spirit shadow of the world. Pangaea wasn't the joining of the continents geologists talk about, but the world in its first form. Humans and spirits shared a common language, the First Tongue. We can't remember whether Pangaea was a time, a place, or both. All we can recall is that it was glorious, and it was lost.

When Pangaea was in its full bloom, its beauty seduced the heart of the moon itself. Mother Luna----Amahan Iduth----grew enchanted with the world growing beneath her. She took the form of a woman of flesh and descended to Earth. She walked among the jungles and swam among the seas. She was the most beautiful creature in the world, and she had countless suitors The greatest and most valiant was Urfarah......and you know that name don't you? He was Father Wolf.

Pangaea was glorious, but it wasn't a world of perfect peace and gentleness. It was a hunters world. The lion still hunter the lamb; the spirit still took what it needed from the world of flesh. Death was a part of the hunters paradise, and the greatest hunter of all was Father Wolf. He was a warrior of the Shadow Realm and the muddy world of air and earth.He roamed the boundaries of the physical world, keeping everything in it's place. Spirits wandered into the world of flesh, but not far or for long. Urfarah was all too ready to give chase when a spirit overstayed it's welcome.When necessary, his teeth and claws pushed mortals and animals back into the relative safety of the flesh world if they strayed too far into the spirit world. His heart burned with supernatural strength and conviction, a ritious rage that made him unstoppable. But he was the master of that rage.He was first above us all and greater than any other.

Father Wolf loved Luna as she rode across the skies, and was overcome with love and joy when he encountered her walking through the boundaries between the spirit world and the physical.He was not alone in any of these sentiments. For her part, Luna found Father Wolf to be valiant, and wise, strong and handsome, and she loved him in return. Then knew one another and she gave him children of both spirit and flesh---the first werewolves. Although she wore a human body, Luna gave birth to the first werewolves as a litter of nine pups, a sign of their future fate.

From Luna, our ancestors gained the power to change shape, just as she changes her own shape every month. From Father Wolf they gained senses, strength and speed that were beyond those of flesh born wolves. From both parents they gained a great measure of spiritual power, for Mother Mon was Queen of the Shadow Realm and Father Wolf was Lord of the Border Marches.

After giving birth, Luna returned to the skies and Father Wolf raised the First Pack.He taught the first Uratha the ways of wolf and man, flesh and spirit. He showed them the roads from the Shadow Realm through the forest, mountain or desert into the world of flesh, down the trails to the tribal homes of men.

Father Wolf raise the first pack to aid him in his duties as guardians of the Border marches. They took to their duties and helped bring order to the spirit world and the muddy world. They were shepherds of human, animal and spirit. They culled any herd, tribe or pack that got too large or too dangerous, playing the role of first among predators.

Of course, some spirits and some tribes of humanity didn't take well to this treatment. Some fought back, and through force of numbers, magic or strength, some wouldn't die so easy. Father Wolf and his pack banished the worst to the far reaches of the spirit wilds, including mighty spirits, lesser servants of those spirits and tribes of men who worshiped dark powers and committed blasphemous crimes. Others, such as the Plague King and the Spinner Hag, opposed Father Wolf when they could and fled when they found they could not take his entire pack.

We were Lords of the dawn world. Our great strength and our ability to take different forms allowed us to dominate any man or creature. Few predators could challenge us. No prey could resist us.Even the strongest mammoths, and the fiercest predators of that era were no match for a pack of werewolves. It was a dark time to be human, but it was our age of glory, a golden age painted with the bright blood of our prey.

And like every golden age, It was doomed.

You see, it began with Father Wolf. Before our time, before the humans arose and when most spirits were still young an weak., only Father Wolf was necessary to keep the worlds in check. No spirits managed to linger overlong in the physical world or gather too much power. Father Wolf's personal power deminished a little as he brought fourth progeny both by Mother Luna and by other spirits. He was still strong and fast---for a time.

It took many, many years, more than can be counted, but gradually Father Wolf began to lose he strength and speed. His fangs began to dull, and his wisdom didn't reach as far. More spirits escaped his notice, setting up their terrible kingdoms among humans and bloating with power. When he caught these would-be-gods of suffering and gluttony, it took him longer to finnish them off. Some even escaped--lessened by the struggle, but escaped none the less. Gradually pangaea became a paradise for the spirits and for those humans who accepted their rule, and a purgatory for all the rest. Our forfathers and formothers saw this, and doubt began to gnaw at them.

And what happenes when a wolf pack begins to fail at its hunts because its alpha is too weak, too slow, too blind to lead? Either the pack dies or the alpha must be replaced. This question was the same, but the stakes were thw whole world. What happened next was a horrible thing that should not have been necessary---but it was.

Every spirit has bans---unbreakable laws that govern their very nature. A spirit of pain is forbiden from healing a living creature; a shark spirit is forbiden rest. Father Wolf was one of the most powerful spirits in creation, but even he had a ban. He felt such a strong connection to his duty that he would not close his eyes until some one could take his place. His bans strength was such that if those who could do so were to rise against him, he could not defent himself.

Of course, the ones best suited to take Father Wolfs place were his own children.

Now, tales of this time make it quite clear that Father Wolf could unsheath his claws and bore his fangs against his children in ordinary struggles for dominance. Yet if Father Wolf's pack truely desired to bring a killing blow against him, his very nature left him powerless. He could not be able to defend himself activly against such treachery, and his thick hide and powerful muscles would prove to be no more help than the wind and rain. So the only way to overthrow Father Wolf was to strike to kill.

And we slew him.

With his last breath, Father Wolf let loose a howl that shook both worlds. Humans collapsed sobbing at the sound that stired nothing but fear in their hearts. Spirits cowered in their dens, struck with terror that something could have slain the great merciless wolf spirit. They say the werewolf that struck the killing blow was himself instantly slain by the shear force and emotional weight of the howl. upon hearing the death howl of her favoured lover, Luna herself cried out in anguish and betrayal, cursing all the children she had ever borne. The curse would never be fully lifted.

It is said then, that the whole planet itself stirred.As the denizens of the Shadow Realm and the mortal creatures of the physical realm recoiled in terror, the two worlds were sundered. The earth shook, and storms lashed the land.Ice broke free from the north, and islands sank into the ocean. Pangaea was no more. After the fall, the hunters paradise was gone forever.

Forsaken

Thats why we are what we are. Thats why we're wolf and human. Thats why we're children of the Shadow Realm, but forsaken by spirit. The spirits have feared us---and most have hated us since that day.They fear and hate the thought that creatures part flesh and part ephemera now have the power to police them, and that we once had the strength to destroy the one spirit they all feared. The humans would go mad if they knew we weren't just movie Icons, but real creatures that walk among them.

We destroyed the greatest thing we ever had because it had to be done. We keep the spirit world in check, and spirits can't stand us for it. We do our best to keep humans from maiming the spirit world in turn, and humans would despise us for it if they knew. Our own brothers have turned against us, hating us for doing what they lacked the courage and compasion to do themselves. Only fickle Mother Luna and our wolf totems stand with us, but thats enough. We are The People. We are Uratha. We are the wolves that hunt in both worlds.

We are the Forsaken, and heaven help anyone that drawn down our fury.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

More info is at www.white-wolf.com

I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I did.

Dig It.

The First DFH Sacrifice!

2005-03-07T04:23:00.000-07:00

Greetings to all.

I haven't posted in a long time I realize, but things are a bit slow at the moment and my emotions seem to be running all funny. Sorry but that's the best explanation I've got so deal. :)

Things are a bit depressing, but I know other have it much worse. A close friend of mine for example. She was dating a guy for about 8 months, and everything was all peaches and cream. She found "the Love". The one everyone searches for. She was happy. Even when I visited and met the man I was pretty convinced. When she was lonely, he was there. When she had to have a serious operation, he was there along with myself. There were complications of coarse. He had another family. He wasn't with his ex, but was living there at the time while he worked. My friend being the loving person she is trusted him, and they had many many good months together. But once in a while things would come up.

The guy wouldn't give her a phone number to where he lived, said that his Ex would throw a fit. She only wanted one for emergencies. Finally she was given a number, and all was well again.

Until he disappeared for a week and a half with no word that whole time.

My friend called the number, and found it was false.

She worried herself sick the whole time until one day out of the blue, he just showed up again. My friend has a Bi-Polar condition and doesn't handle these situations as well as the rest of us. But really if this was you, how would you feel? He knew this and yet did it anyhow.

They fought, and she kicked him out.

She found his real number soon after and decided to give the Ex a call, to see what was true and what wasn't. I advised against it, but what will be, will be.
She found herself having a 2 hour discussion with his Ex.

She had a rather good talk with this other woman, finding out that according to the ex, they were still together, and that she though he was staying out of town for work when really he was with my friend. All sorts of hurtful truths were revealed for them both, but they took comfort in each other for it at the time.

Having dealt with that, and knowing that the cowardly ass was getting what was coming to him, she felt ok.

A few days later, my friend decided to call The Ex again to see how she was doing considering all the shit that happened. This call was the worst call she would ever make thus far in all her life.

The Ex immediately started to call her every name in the book. The Ex yelled, claiming that my friend tried to break up her family. The Coward was there, and apparently talked The Ex into believing that my friend was just "Company", and there was no relationship. He used my friends bi-polar condition to convince The Ex that my friend was crazy and didn't know what she was talking about. Then the bastard himself took the phone and told my friend himself how"crazy" she was and that she should just"Take her pills"
Other things were said then that made my friend feel even worse. He, and The Ex were laughing at her as they threatened to come there and trap my friends cats.

I couldn't believe all this when I heard.

She called me crying and hurt more than I had ever heard her hurt in my life.
Why the hell did this guy do all this to her? I know cruel things were going on in the world but.....
All I could think about was to go down there and tell him that if my friend killed herself, he AND his family would be the next to go, slow like with razor wire and fish hooks. And if this is my last blog, you certainly know where I am.

I was even tempted to leave the mans number and address on this blog just in case any of you readers wanted to have a go.

For a week after I didn't know whether my friend was going to kill herself or not. It was that bad, and her condition only made it worse.

On the bright side, she is getting over it and feeling better by the day.

So Fuck him!

And if you're reading this you bastard, everything I said above isn't a threat, its the truth.

Anyhow, no matter how sad I feel at times, it really can't compare to that. So I'm pretty thankful.

that's all I really have to say for now.

Ode to "The Game"

2005-02-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

I have recently been playing American McGee's "Alice"

What a brilliant game it is. Completely messed up and wicked fun. Its a few years old now but so is my computer so that's all good.

One of my favorite authors Neil Gaimen has a poem that describes the feeling you get when a game hooks you in and doesn't let you go till you defeat the big boss!

"There was a computer game, I was given it,
one of my friends gave it to me, he was playing it,
he said, its brilliant, you should play it,
and I did, and it was,

I copied it off a disc he gave me
for anyone, I wanted everyone to play it,
Everyone should have this much fun.
I sent it upline to bulletin boards
but mainly I got it out to all my friends

(Personal Contact. That's the way it was given to me)

My friends were like me; some were scared of viruses,
Someone gave you a game on disk, next week or Friday the 13th
it reformatted your hard disk or corrupted your memory
But this one never did that. This was dead safe.

Even my friends who didn't like computers started to play
as you get better, the game gets harder
maybe you never win, but you can get pretty good
I'm pretty good.

Ofcourse I have to spend a lot of time playing it.
So do my friends, and their friends
And just the people you meet, you can see them
walking down the old motorways
or standing in queues, away from their computers
away from the arcades that sprung up over night
but they play it in their heads in the mean time
combining shapes
puzzling over contours, putting colours next to colours
twisting signals to new screen sections
listening to the music

Sure, people think about it, but mainly they play it
my record is 18 hours in a stretch
40,012 points 3 fanfares

You play through the tears, the aching wrist, the hunger, after
a while
it all goes away.
All except the game, I should say.

There is no room in my mind anymore, no room for other things
We copied the game, gave it to our friends
It transcends language, occupies our time
Sometimes I think I'm forgetting things these days

I wonder what happened to the T.V. There used to be a T.V.
I wonder what will happen when I run out of canned food
I wonder where all the people went, And then I realize how.
If I'm fast enough, I can put a black square next to a red line
mirror it then rotate them so they both disappear.
clearing the left block
for a white bubble to rise..........

(So they both disappear)

And when the power goes off for good I
Will play it in my head until I die."

--------Neil Gaimen
VIRUS

I would like to dedicate this poem to all the hard core gamers and to some personal fiends of mine who have suffered.

To Rimmy,Kibilz,Dupaxes,Uber Smelter and Arkamedies

I salute you, for we have suffered together and Killed each other ;)

Dig It.

The DFH organization

2005-01-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

Ok now something set me off the other day. It was one of those things, you know, the things that really don't make a hell of a difference but piss you off just the same. I've decided there should be an organization for people that waste their worth as a person.

Its called the DFH organization. Decompose For Humanity.

These people should stop making this planet a harder place to live and give what nutrients they have back to the earth. Clean it a little.

Now I know there are going to be some people that will be offended by this.
To them I say that this is my opinion. If you don't like it, don't read it.

If your still compelled to be offended after reading the disclaimer you should do the following.

Go away from the computer, have a piece of fruit or a snack, have a sit down, and a nice steaming hot cup of Shut The Fuck Up.

People that need to Join the DFH.

1. Anyone That Works for the Tobacco Companies.

-- I went off on smokers in one of my recent posts, but those worse than them are the legal pushers themselves. People that knowingly addict people to something for a profit should just surrender their breathing rights and give us some good compost for the weeds I piss on.

2. Drunk Drivers.

--I think I went off on these guys too already but who gives a wank.
These fuckers are a big piss off to me. Getting in a few ton machine while all wobbly just doesn't make a whole lot of sense and it costs lives. Everyone knows that, but some sods do it anyway. Straight to the grinder for them. In this day and age there is no excuse.

3. People that Dress Pets.

--alright you fucks listen up. I'm sick to death of seeing animals dressed like human beings. Its fucking stupid and the animals don't like it. In fact IF the animals are more intelligent than we think , they are probably thinking your making a fuck out of them. So for you the DFH has a special Job for you.

We will make you knit a Giant sweater. Then we are going to watch as we throw you in an enclosed room with a polar bear, if you can get the sweater on him, and if he likes it, We'll let you go. If he likes the smell of the perfume De Blood we put on you more than your lovely sweater I would say your shit outa luck FUCKO! Its furry blender city for you!

I know there are more examples out there, I couldn't possibly name them all but if you have some suggestions I would be very happy if you would post them. I'll be posting them too as I think of them.

Dig It.

A Dream I Had........

2005-01-26T08:27:00.000-07:00

I have a story based on a dream I had...Most of it is true...But then I added a few more details later. So its based on a dream I had.

Sweet Nightmares ;)

The Dream

I was asleep........That's where dreams begin after all.

It wasn't really a dream though,it was like half sleep. I could hear everything in my house. I could feel how I was positioned in my bed,and I could smell the scent of my room through my involuntary breathes, but I could not move and I couldn't open my eyes to see.

I knew exactly where I was. There was a wall with a window to my left,my closet was on the wall to my right along with the door that led to the hallway that lay on the other side of that closet wall,and the headboard of my bed rested against the wall about a foot from the top of my head.

I tried to take a deep breathe but it was not to be,my chest still took its normal involuntary breathes that a sleeping body would allow.
I could hear the faint rattling of panic start to rise deep inside me and I tried to control it as best I could,telling myself that I will wake up sooner or later and this would pass just like the other times.
I tried moving my arms,my legs,anything but of course it was no use and I knew that but I did my best to relax anyhow. As I did that I felt myself slipping into the dreamscape. Images started to form.

Swirls of pink,red,blue and black all coming together and just as I was becoming hopelessly hypnotised there came a very loud BANG................

The heater in my house just turned on......That's what it was..........But I'm still in a half sleep....Odd.....That should have been loud enough to wake me I thought...But it didn't........I could feel my ceiling fan blowing wind onto my bare chest.......I was sweating.......I could feel the air cool on me as cool as a fall breeze. I couldn't wake no matter what I tried to do and the air was getting colder........Unnaturally cold.

I felt the panic rise again but I took hold of it not letting it get the better of me......This would all be over soon.

I heard the heater suddenly turn off but a second later it turned on again....But there was no bang....It just turned off and started up again as if someone didn't mean to switch it off and quickly corrected the matter. But it did it again...Off...Then on....Off....Then on...It just kept doing this. Then I heard something just out my window.....A sort bang on the glass...As if someone threw something soft like a pillow at it....A few seconds later I heard it again.....And again....Each thump a few seconds apart but in a sort of rhythm with the heater......Off,on thump.....Off,on thump.....Off,on thump!
Had I the power to move I would be trembling. As the constant rhythm continued I could feel the panic running through my blood leaving it cold and racing. I struggled to wake,.....And the more I struggled the colder I got.....And from the window then I heard something else.....
A muffled voice...Sounding like a muffled cough through the window glass but those cough soon turned into slow cackling laughter. I low and deep laughter of a man who didn't even sound human. It sounded as though it were the wind itself rapping on my window and it added itself to the chorus of this twisted song.
If I had the freedom to move I don't think I could have anyhow. I was held in place by these terrible sounds.....
The rhythm got louder and a bit faster..And the laughter so low now that I felt it creeping in every one of my bones like insects devouring me from the inside out....And then I heard something else in the mad symphony........

A woman outside...Close enough to hear but far away...Was shrieking..shrieking loud and shrill piercing the night air and my thin walls.....Then I heard her down the hall in my living room...She was running straight up the hallway towards my room shrieking like a banshee....But I heard no foot steps.....And then she was in my room.....The shrieking swirled around me like a deafening wind of its own. I think my fear went beyond anything I have ever felt.

The screaming then turned into sobbing..And from what I could discern she was as the foot of my bed...And then I heard it....Something else adding itself to the music....
A large clunking sound...Louder than all the other sounds...And then another...And then the sound of something dragging against the right wall but on the hallway side.....
They were footsteps........."clunk"...Very heavy footsteps......"clunk"
then the dragging sound against the wall......Heading closer and closer in the direction of my room. As the footsteps got closer the woman's sobbing intensified......And when the footsteps were at my door...She began to scream....But louder than even before....And the man outside the window began to laugh even louder....When the footsteps entered my room...The woman's screaming became a constant howl ...And as the footsteps got closer and closer to where the woman was I found myself screaming...I felt myself screaming but no sound was coming out......
In my silent scream I heard the scrapping of metal on my floor then a sound not unlike someone taking a bite of an apple turned the woman's screaming to the gargling sounds of the drowning...And my body was sprayed with something warm and wet. Very shortly after that a large ripping sound stopped the gargling..... And something heavy landed on my chest then rolled onto my right shoulder onto my bed beside my head settling itself close to my ear.
The rhythm got louder and louder......The laughter on the other side of my window grew into loud mad cackling.....And then "CLUNK".......
"CLUNK"........The steps were coming to the right side of my bed......"CLUNK"............"CLUNK".........And they stopped there...And as they stopped....Everything stopped.....And there was only silence.......
My heart slowed...And my hand twitched....I could move it.......I shifted my whole arm.......In my exhilaration I look a deep breath.....But as I did that I noticed my chest was sticky and wet.......And I still felt a weight beside my head on the right side.....And I still felt the presence looming over the right side of my bed....I turned my head in that direction...And reluctantly I opened my eyes....

BANG!

I sat up in my bed gasping for air. The banging I heard was the heater turning on I realized. I then peeled my sweat covered body off my bed and I proceeded wearily to the living room to watch some television.

I've never dreamed anything like it since and hardly anything has managed to startle me after that.
The only thing I can remember about opening my eyes at the end of my dream was something tall in a long black coat or cloak with a black wide brimmed hat...And it was pointing something curved and sharp.....
All I know is that it was an image that seems to be in every shadow I see.....And I feel its cold aura on my skin now and then when I'm half asleep.